Second Chances
by xtr75
Summary: After surviving an attempt on her life, Charlie Buckton has been forced to leave behind those she loved. With a new name and new life, she has been given a second chance but when fate brings someone she once lost back into her life, will this second chance finally lead to lasting happiness or will the mistakes of her past stand in her way?
1. Chapter 1

_I haven't finished the next chapter of A New Beginning, so thought I'd give you the first chapter of one of my new stories instead. Thanks CJ4Eva for the idea_

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"My name is Charlie Buckton and three months ago, I died. Not literally, obviously or I wouldn't be here, talking to you, but for all intents and purposes, Charlie Buckton died. And how I got here is something I'm not proud of. You see, I got involved with a man I never should have given the time of day to and because I did, my life spiralled out of control.

His name was Darryl Braxton, Brax for short and he was sexy, exciting and I was pretty much completely sucked in by his charm and before I realised it, my life was going from one bad thing to another, finally ending on what was, ironically, my last day as a police officer, with two fateful gunshots that had nothing to do with me being a cop but nonetheless, forever changed my life.

I had been happy that day, getting ready to leave not just my career behind, but Summer Bay as I had planned to move to the city for a new life that was well away from all of our troubles. Brax was coming with me, as was my daughter Ruby and his little brother, Casey. We were ditching his other brother Heath because he was nothing but trouble but I'll get to that later. Anyway, Jake Pirovic had other ideas and with those two shots, which I can tell you hurt like fucking hell, Charlie Buckton died and then woke up in some strange place that didn't have the sterile feel or hustle and bustle of a hospital, feeling terrified, hurt and with some guy telling me I was dead. Confused the hell out of me because I was pretty sure I was alive and he looked like no angel, for a start, he had no wings but he did have a very unimpressed look on his face.

The unimpressed face belonged to Detective Sergeant Daniel McWilliams of the Drug Squad or Mac, as he preferred to be called. I actually had a string of other names for him after the way he so unfairly decided to play god with my life and even though part of his motive for doing so was to save it, I hate the way he made such a decision without me, especially as it meant ripping my little girl's heart out by 'killing' me. In some fairness to him, there is no way I would have let him do so had I been conscious, unless of course, he let Ruby come with me, which wasn't really practical, but still, when it's your life, you'd like some say in the matter, instead of having someone else make such a life altering decision for you, like Mac did.

You see, on the day I was shot, he intercepted Dr Sid Walker outside the operating theatre, just after Sid had operated on me to save my life. Apparently I had been an extremely lucky lady, the bullets missing all my vital organs and aside from blood loss and being unconscious, I was in pretty good shape. Mac had other ideas though and he had instructed Sid to tell my loved ones that my injuries were severe and that because my brain had been starved of oxygen, I had no chance of survival and so my daughter had to decide whether to turn off my life support.

I found that unforgivable, not on Sid's part, but on Mac's part. It was bad enough he'd made all these decisions without me, but to put my daughter through not just my death, but also making her responsible for turning the machine off, well, let's just say that Mac was lucky that at the time, I was in no fit state to demonstrate how unbelievably angry I was with him. I did ask him though, what would have happened if Ruby had chosen to leave me on life support, he just said he never doubted her decision but if she proved him wrong, he would have found another way to kill me. It was a little unnerving the way we spoke about my death because if the bullets had been a fraction to the right or higher, I could easily have been dead for real.

As much as I didn't like her being forced into making such a difficult decision, I'm so proud of Ruby for being strong enough to make the one I'd have wanted her to make had it been for real, well, for Ruby, it was real, but you know what I mean and once the decision had been made, it was up to Sid to make it happen. Unfortunately, Brax nearly blew it by bringing a gun into the room where I was supposedly dying and barricading himself in. When Mac told me what went down, I was just so disappointed in Brax's selfishness, in not only endangering my daughter's life and the lives of everyone there by recklessly waving a loaded weapon around, but in keeping my beloved daughter from me in what was going to be her last moments with her dying mother. Anyway, Brax was disarmed after Casey talked him down and I have to say, I was a bit disappointed in my colleagues for not charging him for all the offences he'd committed in that room, but then, I'm hardly one to talk, especially where Brax was concerned."

I sigh unhappily. "He really had played such a huge role in my life in my final year and not in a positive way, but I won't go into that just yet. Back to my death, which had now been sanctioned, so to speak, for the second time in as many days. Jake Pirovic had administered his form of justice with bullets, his reason for doing so is another thing I'll explain later, so please, bear with me, because there's rather a lot to get through and it will take some time. So, while it is believed that Jake's bullets were responsible for my death, my 'death' was really the result of a drug that was administered to me by Sid. The drug, along with some tampering on my life support machine, made it look like my heart had stopped and to everyone in that room, to all my friends praying for my recovery, I was no longer alive, I was kaput, had kicked the bucket, was now living challenged, well, you get the picture - I was dead.

I'm glad I was sedated at the time, as I don't believe I could have coped at all with my death or the devastation and loss my daughter must have felt watching her mother dying and knowing she'd never see me again. Just being away from her is painful, but at least I know she's alive, Ruby doesn't have that because she believes her mother is dead and that she is now alone in this world. She has no other family, well she does, but they are strangers and the only one she is close to, is Morag, my step-mother, who I know will be there for Ruby should my daughter need her, but in essence, Ruby is now alone.

Of course, I had no idea of any of this until I woke up in a room with Mac standing over me."


	2. Chapter 2

**3 Months Ago**

I hurt, that much I was sure of, but as I opened my eyes, I found my surroundings very confusing. I have a feeling I should be in a hospital, yet if I am, then it's not like any hospital room I've seen before. It's too quiet for a start and it lacks the smells I always associate with hospitals.

Everything is just so confusing right now and I'm trying to remember how I went from being happy while I prepared for my last day of work before leaving Summer Bay to start a new future with Brax, Ruby and Casey, to feeling like someone had drilled holes in my stomach and chest.

And then I remembered.

Jake.

I had been home alone when I had heard someone in the kitchen. Thinking it was Brax, I had rushed to greet him, only to find Jake standing there pointing a gun at me. Looks like he'd gotten his revenge, I thought, the pain in my chest and stomach a painful clue to that, yet my confused mind still tries to work out why I wasn't in hospital if I had indeed been shot.

"You're in an old medical clinic," comes a man's voice from the darkened corner of the room. It was as if he had read my mind, either that, or I'd been speaking my thoughts aloud without even realising it and in my current state, that was entirely possible. "And you Sergeant Buckton, are dead."

"Huh?" My brain really wasn't up to this. It felt like a large curtain had been thrown over it and nothing was really getting in or out, because I was sure he had just said I was dead. Now, I'm not one to believe in life after death, but I was always under the impression that when you're dead, you would feel no pain and as I was in a world of hurt, I concluded I was alive. I search the shadows for a face to the voice, but all I can see is an outline. "If that's some sort of sick joke, I'm not laughing," I say. I'm surprised at the strength and anger in my voice. "Now, where's my daughter?"

"At your funeral."

"Look, I don't know what game you're playing at, but it's not funny."

"I'm not joking. My name is Daniel McWilliams, you can call me Mac and I'm a Detective Sergeant with the Drug Squad." He steps from the shadows. He was a large man, not exactly handsome, especially with that expression on his face; he looked thoroughly unimpressed with the woman he was gazing down at. He smiled and it somehow didn't improve his expression. "And I've just saved your life."

"I thought I was dead," I found myself saying.

"To the rest of the world, Sgt Charlotte Buckton died in hospital as a result of injuries sustained after being shot twice." He then went on to tell me about my shooting, which is now coming back to me in full living colour, about how Brax and Ruby found me lying in a pool of blood. I shuddered as he said this, unable to imagine the panic and terror they must have went through upon finding me in that state. Mac then explained how he approached Sid with his plan, about my daughter's choice and his belief in her to make the right decision and he seemed to take some pleasure in telling me how Brax lost it when he was told my machine was to be turned off. By the time he had finished speaking, I was in a place between wanting to murder the son of a bitch for doing this to me and absolute shock. My daughter believed me dead, it wasn't fair and how could Brax be so selfish as to think only of himself and keep my daughter from me.

"You bastard!" I took aim with my anger at the only target available to me. "You had no right to do this to me."

"Would you have preferred I let you live and go on believing you were going to be able to run away from your actions and problems? Even if you went through with your plan to leave after you had recovered from your injuries, your problems would have followed you every step of the way and even Pirovic would have eventually found you again and you know why?" He didn't wait for my answer. "Because that boyfriend of yours wouldn't be able to stay on the straight and narrow. He just can't not be in control of things and eventually, he'd draw attention to you. Then there is you, Charlie." This time when he smiled, there was more warmth to it. "I have enough belief in the person you once were, to know that the things you have done in the name of love and what you have sacrificed, would eventually gnaw away at you and you would be forced to do something about it."

"How would you even know what I would do when you don't know anything about me?"

"I knew your father well and I know what sort of beliefs he instils in those around him and I've also studied your career. Before you transferred to Summer Bay, you showed such promise, yet over time, you let your personal life intrude more and more, until you no longer just blurred the lines between what was right for the community and your own selfish desires, but had totally stepped over it."

"That's not fair."

"What's not fair was you being entrusted with enforcing the law, with protecting the community from the likes of the Braxtons yet you putting your sex life ahead of doing your job. What is not fair is you putting that uniform on while you turned a blind eye to what was going on right under your nose. What is not fair, is you letting your boyfriend slide on all of his crimes, while being happy to arrest others for the same crimes."

"That's why I quit," I say in a small voice. "Because I couldn't do it anymore."

"It should never have gotten that far Charlie. You put your own needs ahead of what was right. How many families have been affected by the criminal actions of these men, do you even care?"

I look away, unable to meet the intensity of his gaze. "How do you know all of this?"

"We have a spy in the River Boys, one who was told to keep an extra eye out after he informed Joyce of your little dalliance with Braxton." I turn back to him in shock. "You see, we were well aware of your affair before you even came forward."

"If David already knew, why didn't he say something to me and why didn't he reprimand me?"

"It wasn't the right time to risk tipping them off that we knew more than we should have, of course, after you killed Harmen Pirovic, there was no way to keep your affair quiet from your colleagues any longer. The rest of the investigation and the full extent of your actions however, remains between a small few and it was decided to leave you in the mix, half in the hope you'd do the right thing and remember your duties as a police officer or you'd at least prove useful to us in some way at a later date."

"You seem to know so much, so why don't you just arrest Brax?"

"Because he lets his lackies take most of the risks and we need a more solid case with enough evidence on him so that even his $1000 an hour lawyer couldn't get him off. We also want the men Braxton deals with, the ones who he sends his drugs to and to do that, we need to catch Braxton with them or get enough on him that he flips on them."

"You're wasting your time, he doesn't do that anymore." The look he gave me was the look people give to others after they had said something stupid. "Brax was changing and going straight," I felt the need to explain.

"He didn't stop because he wanted to change, he stopped because of the police presence and the danger of getting caught was becoming too great and he was never completely away from the game."

"No, you're wrong!" I snapped. "He wanted to change, for me and for his little brother and he was changing."

"I'm sure he told you that, but saying the words doesn't make it true and his actions continually showed he wasn't a changed man. Did him stealing the evidence from your car and planting the drugs on someone else not clue you into that? How about the lies over the accident? Is that the sign of a man wanting to be better, by avoiding doing the right thing and lying to everyone, including your colleagues, about what was a simple accident he wasn't even responsible for?"

"Heath, he's your snitch," I say with complete incredulity. Only Heath was so close to everything as to be in a position to know so much.

Mac claps. "Bravo Charlie," he says sarcastically. "Nice to see there are still some cop instincts there."

"He is loyal to his brother, how could you get him to turn?"

"With his record and the testimony of others, he was looking at a long time in jail when you busted him with those drugs."

"I thought he was released for turning on Jake?"

"That was part of the reason we gave for letting him out, but it wasn't enough. We want them all and he was happy to give them to us. You see, underneath that tough exterior, is a scared little boy terrified of going to jail and when we explained to him that his own brother had been less than honest about just how much money he'd been taking in for the drugs, well, let's just say that Heath's loyalty was tested."

"I don't believe it. Heath was willing to take the blame for the accident because he was loyal to his brother."

"A loyalty that's never really returned from Brax. Heath is loyal to his brother, but he is also loyal to his freedom and his responsibilities to his daughter, so we told him that we were willing to overlook some criminal activity, provided we ended up with the big fish at the end. If we don't get that, he goes back to jail and we add any new charges on top of the previous ones."

"You're lying, there is no way Heath would betray his brother like that."

He claps again. "See how easy it is to spot a lie, yet you couldn't see the lie staring you in the face every time you looked at Braxton."

If I was strong enough, I'd jump right out of this bed and thump this guy, he was pissing me off that much.

"We do have someone on the inside," he continues, "But that person will remain nameless for the time being." The implication was clear.

"Why am I here, when you clearly don't trust me?"


	3. Chapter 3

_I didn't have time to write the next chapter of One Night, so here's another chapter of Second Chances instead._

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_"Why am I here, when you clearly don't trust me?"_

"Two reasons, I owe a debt to your father, so I saved your life and secondly, your death will throw Braxton off his game and now that he is no longer running away, he has no reason not to return to his old life, especially if he has a little prodding in that direction."

"You can't do that to him, he was trying so hard to get away from that life."

"What makes him so special that you believe he doesn't deserve to pay for his crimes yet you insist everyone else does? Look at Casey, you made him pay for his crime, yet even though Braxton is guilty of so much more, you're perfectly fine to let him carry on without ever facing the consequences of his actions. How is that fair Charlie?"

I couldn't find a way to answer that, because it really wasn't fair. Casey was a good kid who made a bad decision and now he had a record that could play a part in his future and I guess that makes what I've done even worse. I made Casey pay for his crimes, so why the hell was I going to let Brax just walk away from all of his without any punishment? Oh right, I was sleeping with him, that's why. God, was I really that pathetic that I was willing to overlook so much?

Mac interrupts my thoughts as he looms over me. "Stop thinking like a love struck teen Charlie and think like a cop for once," he says harshly. "He is no different to the man who put two bullets in you and deep down, you must know that. Like Pirovic, he's a leader of a gang that deals in violence and drugs, like Pirovic, he will do anything to protect his family and his freedom, even if that means murder."

"What?" I stare at him.

"We arrested a man who admitted he'd sold Braxton a gun, which we know he intended to use to murder Harmen Pirvoc, a man he'd engaged in a war with that endangered everyone in Summer Bay and more than once, put your own life in danger. I spoke to Jake and while he was mute on some subjects, he was very forthcoming in telling me that your affair with Braxton was the reason why he targeted you, because he wanted to get at Braxton by striking at someone he loved, but I bet your loving boyfriend never told you that."

No, I thought, clearly remembering that at the time, Brax had told me that Jake was after me because I'd arrested him and I also remember the way Brax was acting just before the fire at Jake's HQ. He had wanted me to leave town while Hammer was there and I guess I now know why; he wanted me out of the way so he could murder someone.

"All that violence and crime your boyfriend was involved with and it all could have stopped, if, like Pirovic, he hadn't let his ego get in the way," Mac continues on. "They really are as bad as each other and they kept that gang war going because neither wanted to be seen as weaker than the other." I feel his eyes boring into me. "What I don't understand though, is how a cop with your history could ever fall for a violent man who respected no one, not even you. Did you know that the two women you knew about weren't the only women he took to his bed when you weren't there?" He held up a couple of photos of women I'd never seen before and in each one, there was her boyfriend leading them into his hotel room. Those photos more than anything, hurt. "Nothing says I love you like a stream of women to his bed."

"Please just go," I tell him in a weak voice.

"This is much bigger than just your shattered dreams Charlie. Braxton is part of a massive drug ring, help me get him and those he deals with, behind bars where they all belong. Heath will never flip on Brax and may not know as much as his brother does about those they deal with, so we really do need Brax and now that Heath has a daughter, just maybe, Brax will finally be a big brother and do a deal that would reduce any sentence his little brother will get."

"How can I help if I'm dead?"

"We know the man Braxton presents to the outside world and the man he is within the gang, but we want to know the man he is in private and you're going to fill us in on every little detail on Braxton so that we can use it against him."

"And if I refuse to help?"

"We've had our eye on Braxton from the start, watched as you got more deeply involved and as such, we have phone records and photographs of you being in contact with Braxton both before and after failed drug busts. There's also the matter of the stolen evidence and the false statements you gave about the accident. And you really wouldn't want your friend Bianca to get into trouble now, would you?" He smirks. "It would be rather ironic if your boyfriend got to continue to enjoy his freedom while you were the one who went to jail."

"You can't just expect me to agree to all of this, especially if it means never seeing my daughter again."

"I can't make any promises, but once Braxton is behind bars, there is a chance you can contact your daughter and have her join you, but as for going back, well, as long as Jake Pirovic is alive, your life will always be in danger and your presence would just place others in danger, including your daughter."

I was too confused now to think clearly about Brax, especially as all the old doubts about him I'd once carelessly shoved aside, were starting to resurface again. With a heavy sigh, I stare at the ceiling. I just wanted this nightmare to be over, in fact, I wish none of this had ever happened and I was back in the Bay with my daughter.

"Help me bring down this drug ring Charlie," Mac says, "And get back the values and beliefs you once held so high and just maybe, you will have a chance to see your daughter again and maybe even get your uniform back."

"I gave up my job, what makes you think I'd want it back?"

"Because being a cop is who you are and it's what you love and if not for your error in judgement in getting involved with Braxton, you'd still be a police officer."

"No one would ever trust me again."

"You'd have a close eye kept on you, just until that trust was regained, but a word here and there about the valuable help you provided while working undercover by getting close to Braxton, might smooth the way with your friends and colleagues and I have every confidence you could once again become a police officer, one who would dedicate her life to making sure the community was kept safe from men like the Braxtons."

"Why should I believe you?"

"I told, I can't make any promises, I'm just giving you the possibilities and of course it's dependent on how this goes. If Braxton continues to elude justice, then you can't contact your daughter and you certainly can't go back with Pirovic intent on exacting his revenge should he learn of your survival."

"So basically, if I'm to have any chance of going home to my daughter, I have to hope Jake dies and my boyfriend goes to jail, that's what you're saying, isn't it?"

"Pretty much. On the bright side, Pirovic's not making any friends in jail and has already spent some time in the prison hospital ward, so don't be too surprised if something happens to him."

"You're not planning to do something to him, are you?"

"If I told you that I planned to have him killed, what would you say?"

"Don't do it. It would feel like his blood was on my hands as well and I have enough things to make up for without adding that on top of it all."

"There's hope for you yet Charlie and I can assure you, that if Pirovic meets his maker, it will be because he's once again gotten offside with the top dog on the cell block. So, are you in?"

"I really can't see how I can help you with Brax because I'm starting to think that I never knew him at all."

"You know him more intimately and better than anyone else on the outside and anything you can tell us about him will help us. Now, are you in?"

I didn't really have much of a choice, so I nodded.

"You're doing the right thing Charlie," he tells her with his warmest smile yet. "I'll let you get some rest now."

"How long will I be here for?" I ask before he leaves.

"For the next week or so, you'll be under the tender care of the private medical staff here and when you're a little stronger, we'll have that chat about Braxton and then you'll be given a new name and new life." He looks down at her. "Charlie, it's going to take some time to bring these men to justice, so I suggest you use that time to take a long, hard look at your life, especially at how you ended up here."

A new name and new life? I understood the reason for doing so, but it didn't fill me with much hope that I'd ever get my old life back.

And so Charlie Buckton was officially dead and in her place rose - Kate Bellings.


	4. Chapter 4

"Kate Bellings, mild-mannered secretary in a real estate agency in a small, Victorian coastal town. Yes, I'd found myself next to the water again and funnily enough, I love my new job. It was so stress free and while I may have been a crap police officer at the end, all that paperwork I'd had to deal with over the years, has actually helped to make me a rather great secretary. It's only a small agency, but that suits me just fine and it's nice to have a 9 to 5 job with no overtime. My boss is a great guy who cares for all his staff and the other people I work with are friendly without being too nosey, which was perfect for a woman who was keeping so many secrets.

I had a month to practice my new name and new past while I recovered from my injuries and by the time I moved here, I had my lies down pat, but still, there are times when I'd hear the name Charlie in a passing conversation and I'd struggle not to react and there have been a couple of occasions when someone was calling out for Kate and it took a few moments for me to realise it was my attention they were trying to get.

The subterfuge was one part of my new life that I really didn't like and I found it extremely taxing at times. It was bad enough keeping my affair with Brax a secret when we where sneaking around, but at least I could still largely be myself around my family, friends and work colleagues, unlike now where I had to lie whenever I was with another person. As necessary as the lies are though, it also made things harder for me because it placed a barrier between me and everyone else, a barrier that only I was aware of and while I would love to knock down that barrier and accept the hands of friendship put out to me, I couldn't. It's a strange feeling to be lonely among people who could be great friends if I let them but it was so draining to maintain this deception day in day out and I needed a break from it, so I kept my distance. I did occasionally accept invitations for after work drinks from my work colleagues though, just to let them know that I do appreciate their efforts to help me fit in and they seem happy to leave it at that and to believe I'm just shy outside of work.

My need for distance means that I spend a lot of time alone, either walking along the shoreline or just sitting in my apartment. It's not too bad being home. I have a cosy little apartment, with one neighbour who is a jerk but thankfully, his job keeps him away for most of the week but my other neighbour is a lovely elderly woman who is always bringing me tea and bikkies and making time for a little chat. Most of the time, she's only there for an hour or so, but I really have come to enjoy my time with Gladys, because she loves to talk about her own family and though it brought a sense of longing for my own daughter, it at least meant that I had some company and all I had to do was listen. She did ask about my family occasionally, but I think she picked up quite early on that it was a painful thing for me to talk about and though I also suspect she knows I'm hiding from something, she holds her silence and never intrudes on my privacy. I have a feeling I could be completely honest with Gladys about who I am and she'd continue to hold her silence and be a friend to me, but I don't want to put her into that situation and I don't want to risk either of us slipping up. I have to keep this secret from everyone and if I tell one person, I may want to tell another, then another, so as hard as it is, I keep it to myself.

It's now been three months since my death and the loneliness is something I've come to accept but the hardest part by far, has been the separation from my daughter. There were a lot of times where for various reasons, I really wasn't much of a mother to Ruby, but being apart from her has only reinforced how much I have always loved my little girl and every day I wake up imagining what Ruby is going to be doing that day and how she is coping with and moving on after my death. Thanks to my very strong demand of Mac that I refused to back down on, I knew she hadn't coped well with my death, though now, Mac tells me she is doing much better.

You see, I pretty much blackmailed Mac; either he gave me regular updates on my daughter or I'd find a way to keep an eye on her myself, even if it risked the entire investigation to do so. Mac didn't really like it, but he wanted my cooperation and after the way he'd taken me from my home, I think he decided it was better to keep me happy than to have me risk doing something dumb. Unfortunately, it wasn't always good news that I received and I had been so upset to learn that Ruby had moved out of Leah's and then ended up in hospital because she hadn't been coping with my death and if I hadn't still been recovering from my injuries at the time, I'd have staged a breakout from where I was being treated and rushed home to my daughter and held her, all the while telling her that everything was going to be ok.

Instead, I was stuck in a bed, worrying about my daughter and feeling rather annoyed at Leah for devoting so much attention to Brax instead of Ruby. At least Roo had stepped up to the plate, for which I am extremely grateful, but when I first heard what was going on, I was confused as to what Leah was doing. Leah had always been there for us and I would have thought she would have continued to be there for Ruby on my death, instead, she seemed to be favouring Brax more, even to the extent of letting Ruby move out of her home and into a caravan. I just didn't understand it, because of the two, Ruby was the one most in need, she was the one without family while Brax had his family there for him. I know his mother probably wouldn't be much good, but his brothers are always there for him so I was at a loss as to why Leah thought he needed her more than Ruby did and it's not like Leah was ever really a fan of Brax. She didn't really trust him, nor was she too keen on me having him around the house though she had been a little more accepting toward the end, but not that accepting, I didn't think.

Of course, a short time later, the reason for Leah's actions became a little clearer when Mac told me that Leah was showing an interest in Brax and that VJ seemed to be seeing Brax as some kind of role model. I guess she must have had a sudden change of heart in how she saw him. Maybe I'm being too hard on Leah. From what Mac said, she had taken my death hard as well and maybe she did think she was doing the right thing by me by being there for Brax, but I can't help but wish she would have stepped back from helping him when it became clear it was coming between her and Ruby. At least things seemed to have cooled on any possible romance front, which is a very good thing, but I'm worried for Leah as she seems to have fallen into the same trap as I did, in only seeing the nice side of Brax which he has on show to the public and getting completely sucked in and I hope she doesn't let VJ get too close to him, because Brax is the worst kind of role model and the last thing Leah needs is to have VJ admiring that thug and wanting to be like him.

Oh how time changes things when only three months ago we were in opposite corners. If I wasn't so worried about Leah and VJ getting too close to him, I would find it funny how I seem to be the one now seeing Brax for what he is while Leah is seeing him as how I once saw him - through strongly rose tinted glasses. I'm just glad that I've since shed my own rose tinted glasses where Brax is concerned and no longer feel bad for helping Mac bring him to justice.

Shedding the glasses had been surprisingly easy. Once I had told Mac everything I could about Brax, I used my time away from the Bay to heed his advice and took a long, hard look at my life, including my relationship with Brax and how I ended up here and I have to say, I didn't like what I discovered. Too often I allowed my personal life to intrude on my professional life and when it came to Brax, I let him seduce me into letting myself be more of a woman than a cop. The problem was though, that I ended up losing sight of who I was, both as a woman and as a cop and I hate the person I became and the things I did as that woman. I also hate that I changed so much for Brax. He was the criminal, the one hurting others, the one doing the wrong thing, so shouldn't he have been the one who changed for me, to become a better man instead of allowing myself to be corrupted? It really wouldn't have mattered who changed and I can see that more clearly now; we were just too incompatible to begin with and the only way to be together was for one of us to completely change to suit the other and that is no basis for a relationship. You should be able to be yourself but willing to change a little when necessary, because at times, you do have to compromise within relationships, but not to the extent of becoming a person you no longer recognise. To have lost sight of who I was, and forced by the circumstances that I found myself in, to compromise my career and my beliefs and values, tells me that we should never have been together in the first place and in the end, we never would have worked because of that.

I know I said earlier that I ended up here because I got involved with a man I never should have and by doing so, it sent my life spiralling out of control and that is true, but as much as my relationship with Brax did play a rather large part in my current predicament, it's unfair to blame it squarely on Brax. I'm responsible for my own actions and if I'm honest, then even if I had avoided this mess with Brax, it could easily have been the next guy who led me astray. My relationships really do tend to cause me a lot of problems, because I make some really bad choices and mistakes with them."


	5. Chapter 5

"Ok, so bad choices may not be fair in all circumstances, because some of my partners have been good people, but the relationships still suffered from the same problems; I let them take over my life and they tended to be plagued by one problem and bad decision after another. I'm not even sure if I've ever had a healthy relationship, certainly not while I was in Summer Bay. There was so much secrecy at times because of my choice of partner, which added a burden I could have done without and would have, if only I'd been strong enough to either stay away or be upfront from the start, which unfortunately, I've never been. I really am quite weak when it comes to relationships.

It's weird, at work, I have," I pause as I remember my current circumstances. "At work, I once had a strong sense of duty, it was ordered and I was confident and knew what I wanted, yet my personal life was often a mess. I always seemed so willing to put up with so much shit in my relationships, especially from Brax and even Angelo and for what, a relationship that would ultimately fail because of the endless problems.

If only I could have transferred the strengths and confidence I had in my professional life to my personal life, I could have saved myself and others a lot of heartbreak and maybe if I had had more stable and healthy relationships in the past, I wouldn't have been so quick to run back to Brax every time he hurt me or been so willing to put up with so much of his pathetic shit or overlook so much, but part of my problem has always been my need to be with someone, regardless of whether it's a good fit or not or whether it was healthy or not, I just didn't want to be alone and needed to be in a relationship to feel complete.

Everyone wants to be loved right? I just wish it didn't come at such a cost and that I was able to be in a relationship where I actually felt fulfilled and could be open and honest from the start instead of the secrecy, lies and continual problems that affect pretty much most of my relationships. And if you need proof of how weak I really am or how unhealthy my relationships can be, just look at my last relationship which has cost me not just the career I'd loved and worked so hard to achieve, but also so much of who I once was and worst of all, I'm now separated from my daughter and all because I couldn't put a permanent end to a thoroughly unhealthy relationship.

It really is frustrating that I never seemed to learn from the failings of my previous relationships, choosing instead to repeat the same old pattern with the next one. I guess it doesn't help that my relationships tend to start with me skipping right over the dating and getting to know someone to pretty much straight to the fucking and then trying to get to know them afterward. Unfortunately, by the time I've realised we're incompatible or he's not who I thought he was, it's too late and I've found myself in a relationship and from there on, I stick with them, regardless of whether it was a mistake or not. It really does create a thoroughly unhealthy relationship and environment, which would explain why I'm continually breaking up with them with alarming frequency, especially when I was with Brax and Angelo. I lost track of the amount of times I was on, then off, then on again with these men and yet I never really bothered to analyse why we kept breaking up, nor did I ever seem to get the hint that we would continue with this vicious cycle because we had too many problems to make it work and so weren't suited to being in a relationship together. But instead of getting a clue, whenever we broke up, I'd get lonely or jealous of someone else possibly snatching them up and go running back to their beds, only to start the cycle all over again. On a side note, thanks very much to that lousy councillor I finally went to who pretty much told me to snatch Angelo up before someone else did; terrible advice that I was only too happy to listen to. When my relationships did end, it was usually the other person who got sick of the misery-go-round we were on and dumped my sorry arse, which made me feel like shit.

Why did I keep picking guys who at the end of the day, were wrong for me? Well, it's not just because of my need to be with someone but also because of the lack of self-respect and esteem I have outside of work, which has me settling for just about any guy who shows me some attention. I guess it also goes back to being date raped when I was 14. My darling daughter was the only good thing to come from that period of my life and the rest just helped to fuck me up. Ever since that day, I had a fear of commitment and issues when it comes to men, no surprise really, when the boy you're on a date with forces himself on you, but it really did contribute to some of the problems in my relationships, like choosing to be with a guy that I already know, deep down, will ultimately end with us breaking up because we're not right for each other, which reinforces my commitment issues. Another of those vicious cycles. Maybe if I had come forward and made a statement that had that bastard Grant charged, I may have been able to get past that day without it having the life changing effect on me that it did; it even affected my ability to be a mother to my daughter. I love Ruby, but the way she was conceived made it difficult to bond with her, both during the pregnancy and after her birth and I ended up running away to my aunt's place. By the time I got back, Ruby had bonded with my parents and so we all ended up agreeing that they should adopt her and so my daughter became my sister until the whole ugly incident came to light a couple of years ago. Thankfully, I was able to win Ruby's trust and love back, but there was a time when I thought I may have lost her forever." I close my eyes. "I hope I haven't lost her forever this time, because it really hurts to be apart from her like this."

Taking a moment to gather my thoughts, I resume. "But back to my relationships. Even before I moved to Summer Bay, my track record with relationships wasn't anything to write home about, but it only got worse when I moved to the Bay. Roman was the first guy I got involved with and it wasn't really all that long after I had arrived. If you judged how quickly I jumped into relationships by cars, I'd be an F1 car. Roman was actually a nice guy, he was handsome, funny, kind, the only problem was, he was still in love with his ex. Not really his fault, you can't help who you love, but I do blame him for letting me think we could have a future, even though I never really believed we did have one together. It did hurt when we broke up and I got to play the wounded victim and I played it well, which is how Roman became the first of my relationships to intrude on my professional career. I nearly died because I let what happen with Roman get me so down that I foolishly and recklessly risked my life by climbing down a storm water drain without any thought of my safety whatsoever to save a missing girl. It wasn't because I was trying to be a hero, I just didn't really care if I got hurt but thankfully, my folly didn't cost us both our lives and I was able to save her, before I was swept out to sea and nearly drowned, if not for Roman saving me. Ironic in a way that the end of our relationship led me into doing something dumb yet he was the one who ended up saving me. In the end though, us breaking up was probably a good thing, as some months later, Roman confessed to murdering an old army mate years earlier and is now in jail.

Next on my list of failed relationships, was Joey. She, yes I said she, was absolutely lovely. I don't know if loving Joey made me bi or not, as she was and still is, the only woman I have ever loved or even been attracted to. She was beautiful both inside and out and I betrayed her in the worst possible way. When I met Joey, she had just been raped by a work colleague, an absolute scum sucking low life fucking piece of shit, just in case you were wondering what my opinion of the guy was. He didn't just rape Joey and hurt such a beautiful soul, he tried to murder her. I managed to save her in time and put the raping piece of shit behind bars where he was apparently made the bum buddy of the top dog. Despite what Robbo did to her though, I think I was the one who hurt Joey more. He hurt her physically, but I ripped her heart out and stomped all over it. All she was after was love and I had that for her, I actually had plenty of love for her, I just didn't have the guts to be the person she needed me to be; a strong woman who could walk proudly by her side in public. Instead, I was a coward who fucked some guy to prove I wasn't gay.

Right from the start, I made so many mistakes with Joey. I encouraged her to be honest with her brother, big mistake, the homophobic jerk sided with his mate Robbo and kicked Joey out of the house because he didn't like her being gay. I only ever wanted to help Joey and be there for her, but I overstepped the professional line by becoming romantically involved with a witness and I also had no business getting involved with her so soon after her assault, but I was drawn to her in a way I never had been drawn to someone, not even Brax. It wasn't because she was a woman, maybe I saw some of myself in her, both being rape victims and all, I don't really know, only that I couldn't stay away from her. In some ways, I wish I could have stayed away instead of jerking her around like a yo-yo and hurting her or maybe if I'd been strong enough to hold onto Joey, my life could have been very different to what it was now, but as always, I was too weak to handle things properly.

And so we come to Hugo, which was really just a one nighter but still a massive mistake which cost me so much. I regretted sleeping with Hugo the moment it happened and it made me realise how much I did truly love Joey, yet because I chose to lie instead of being honest with Joey, it made things so much worse when she found out about my betrayal and she not only broke up with me, she left town. It was only supposed to be for a three month fishing job but she never came back. Joey could have been the one for me, yet I threw it all away for a couple of hours of average sex with a man who later turned out to be involved in people smuggling and was party to a murder in which a friend of mine was wrongly accused of committing. I actually didn't find out the truth about Hugo until after I had already hooked up with my ex fuck buddy and fellow cop, Angelo, who I had previously arrested for murdering my friend and colleague, Jack. Why the fuck did I keep spreading my legs for murderers and criminals?" I shake my head.

"So, anyway, my first round with Angelo was actually between Roman and Joey, but he was more of a fuck buddy at the time, so I didn't really count that as a relationship then. It still hurt though, to find out that while we were in a friend's with benefits thing, he killed a fellow police officer and then lied to everyone until I eventually twigged. Despite our friendship and intimacy, I did my job and we eventually got him." I pause here as I wonder how I could still do my job where Angelo was concerned but act like a complete incompetent fool when it was Brax breaking the law and be so willing to let him escape punishment for all of his crimes. "Wow, for someone who was always harping on about actions having consequences and people needing to pay for their crimes, I can't believe I just completely disregarded that where Brax was concerned. Then again, there was so much I did over look where Brax was concerned but I'll go into that shortly.

Ok, so Angelo was guilty of killing Jack, though it wasn't intentional and he was even willing to take the consequences and go to jail, yet a few short months later, he'd done a deal, escaped punishment and kept his uniform, though it was now the uniform of a marine cop, but he was back and still a cop, one I had no intention of giving an easy ride after what he'd done. Funny how what I say and what I do always end up being poles apart and in no time, I became a very easy ride for Angelo and what's worse, I never bothered to wait the three months to see if Joey was coming back and instead of learning my lesson about how much cheating hurts, I kept to my tradition of embarking on an ill advised relationship and made a play for Angelo not long after he got together with May, a rather nice lady and substitute teacher. She found out and left town and I did feel bad about it, but not enough to stop my affair, which I carried on with in secret, always worried Jack's wife, who was my friend, would find out I was fucking her husband's killer. It did come out of course and I suffered the stares and snide remarks from people wondering how I could sleep with a man who not only killed a much loved friend, but had lied to cover it up. Being with Angelo caused problems with Martha but also with my colleagues, who saw him as a cop killer who got away with it and didn't like it one bit and I didn't blame them for feeling that way. I didn't like that a cop died and no one paid for it, but I truly believed Angelo felt remorse for his actions, even if he didn't always show it.

Despite our less than ideal start and many problems along the way, including Angelo losing his cop career because he let Hugo go, but I won't bother going into that or the rest, only to say that despite all we went through, I did manage to spend the next year or so in an off-on relationship with Angelo, even moving in with him when he nearly cheated on me. I probably should have ended it then instead of reacting in fear at the prospect of being alone and moving in with a man I wasn't ready to commit to. Of course, it was never going to work and we were beset by one problem after another until Angelo got jack of it and dumped me. In all fairness, he was the cause for his fair share of our problems, but it was my commitment issues that unfairly got a lot of the blame, even from my daughter.

And so that was the end of me and Angelo, though we did have one last fling on the day of my father's funeral, one which I was made to feel guilty about the next day and I don't even know why. I was the one who was an emotional wreck, in no fit state to make a rational decision, yet my daughter accused me of taking advantage of Angelo, who could have said no at any time and considering the state I was in, he probably should have, but I was the one with the poor track record, so I was the one who was also blamed for that. Now, I'm willing to accept my share of the blame in a lot of my relationships, but it's so unfair that so much of it is lumped on my poor shoulders. I know I'm a fuck up when it comes to relationships, but the men I've been with have also had their own say in the problems we faced." I sigh in annoyance at that. "At least Angelo and I did remain friends and for a few months after our break up, I was alone, a record for me, until Brax walked into the Bay with his band of Merry Thugs."


	6. Chapter 6

"At first, I was happy to think the worst of Brax based on his reputation and the fact his gang had caused nothing but trouble since they'd arrived in the Bay, but as he slowly began to worm his way past my guard, he made me want to separate the woman from the cop and so the woman in me chose to believe Brax's reputation was more embellished rumours with little substance than fact and after I had run thorough checks on him, I was even more convinced that it was all talk. Still, just the mere fact he was the leader of a criminal gang made him out of bounds for me, but I couldn't stay away. Brax made me feel wanted, more than Roman and Angelo ever did and I loved the forbiddeness of it, it made it exciting and fun, and so I pretty much kept ignoring all my doubts about him and that I was already compromising myself. I also ignored the warnings given to me by Morag, Leah and even Angelo, whose head had been rearranged after he stumbled upon a drug crop. Unfortunately, it was only Heath we could tie to that incident, not that we managed to get the proof to charge him and though I promised Brax that I'd bring him down if he was involved, I didn't really do a whole lot to prove he was, instead, I tried to convince myself that an idiot like Heath, who only had to think the word drugs and we'd bust him, was the mastermind behind the whole drug operation.

Time and again the truth about Brax was there right in front of me if only I chose to see it, yet I seemed so desperate to believe in the best of him that I overlooked so much. I do seem to have this remarkable ability to have all or most of the facts in front of me and then draw a totally wrong conclusion because I let my, well, if I was a guy, I'd say, I let my dick make the decisions, but you get my point. I so compromised myself as a police officer, it was a wonder I could actually look anyone in the eye when I wore the uniform. More than once I slipped up about upcoming police operations to Brax, who was only too happy to betray me and leave me looking like a fool when our raids turned up nothing. Letting it go once was bad enough, twice was unforgivable on my part but that was what I did because I just couldn't stay away from him.

I put up with a lot from Angelo, but I took it to a whole new level with Brax and I'm not sure why. I mean, he said he loved me, yet he continually put his and his brother's criminal actions above our relationship and then had the nerve to blame my job for our problems. It couldn't possibly be his actions or lies that were causing our problems and contributing to my doubts about who he was, no, it was my career at fault. I so wish I had walked away instead of foolishly letting our affair continue while trying to lock away everyone else except Brax.

Even when he was questioned about money laundering when one of his Boys turned on him, I was more concerned that he'd lied to me and made a fool of me than his criminal actions. The accusation against him shouldn't even have come as such a surprise to me as it did, because I should have known, I mean, where the hell did he suddenly get the money to buy the restaurant off Angelo? I do remember that I asked once, but like so many other times, that was quickly forgotten after he got me on my back. Anyway, Brax behaved like a smug bastard throughout the entire interview, humiliating me and making me feel like a foolish shit for ever buying into his lies and then afterward when I confronted him, he had the nerve to tell me that I always knew he wasn't a boy scout. Wish I had shouted back, "But I didn't know you were a fucking drug dealing scumbag," but I didn't. I was too hurt and humiliated to realise I'd been used by him and then he just heaped even more pain and humiliation on me the next day after I'd let my daughter talk me into giving him another chance.

Considering Ruby was as infatuated with a Braxton brother as I was, she really was the worst person to take advice from, but take it I did. I swallowed my pride, left my self-respect on the floor and crawled to Brax's hotel room, completely prepared to overlook his lies and that he was most likely a dangerous criminal. If only I'd ignored Ruby's advice like I had others, then I may have saved myself even further humiliation, because I arrived on Brax's doorstep only to find he'd spent the night with his ex-girlfriend. Well, I didn't hang around for yet more of his lies, I ran away and then I ran right back. Actually, I ran into him on the beach a little later where he pretty much blamed me for him having sex with his ex. He humiliates me at work, has hurt me with his lies and actions, yet because I was too upset to forgive him and prostrate myself for him like a good little doormat, he jumps into bed with his ex within a matter of hours of telling me he loved me and it's somehow my fault. I mean Jesus, could the guy be any more of a creep? Yes, not that I was willing to recognise it back then. God, you must really think I'm pathetic, well so do I.

Tegan wasn't the only woman he slept with during our on-off relationship. Fuck, we were on and off so often, there were times when I wasn't sure if we were together or on a break or cooling off. So anyway, the next woman was a lawyer who came to defend Casey. I mentioned earlier about him getting into trouble, didn't I? You'll just have to forgive me if I get things out of order or forget or repeat things and go off track, because it really was a rather hectic year and my anger and disappointment at my own actions gets the better of me sometimes, but to cut this part short, to stop Brax from doing something stupid like killing Hammer, Casey torched Jake's HQs while Brax and Heath were at Tegan's funeral after she died during a nasty little storm of the weather kind, we arrested Casey and then the Bitch, otherwise known as Hayley the lawyer, arrived to defend him or something like that.

It didn't take the Bitch long to humiliate me in court by revealing my affair with Brax to the world. My colleagues and a few friends knew already by now, but thanks to the Bitch, everyone knew. Brax claimed he never expected her to use it against me when he told her, but why would he even tell her in the first place, if not for her to use it in court and use it she did, even accusing me of being a scorned woman out to get Brax by going after Casey. I really hated that smug bitch, even more when she took to Brax's bed. It hurt and worse, I felt doubly humiliated after the whole Tegan incident. It didn't matter that we weren't together either time, it hurt because he was telling me he loved me only to replace me so easily in his bed and I have no doubt he'd have been mightily pissed if I had slept with someone else, but he's Brax, the man with the rules everyone but him has to abide by.

It was no surprise that I found out about Brax's latest fling the same way I did about Tegan, by crawling back to him after my latest professional humiliation and when we were moments from getting back together, low and behold, the earring. Quite ironic after it was my lost earring that caused Joey to find out about Hugo and leave me, only this time, it had me leaving Brax. It hurt so much and I can only imagine now how hurt Joey was by my own betrayal." I sigh heavily and shake my head. "Talk about a bad couple of days; humiliated, my reputation tarnished, my career compromised and all I could worry about was Brax being with another woman, a woman who failed to stop Casey getting thirty days in Juvie, the poor kid. Both his brothers were guilty of so much more, yet they avoided jail, but that was largely my fault as I was a complete failure in my job, at least where they were concerned.

To make matters worse, if that was even possible, I went to extreme lengths to get Brax off a false armed robbery charge. It seemed the only time I really did my job where he was concerned, was when I tried to prove his innocence. Unfortunately, I couldn't really prove it to my colleagues and my actions during the investigation had led my co-worker, Georgie Watson to express her concerns about my lack of professionalism to Insp. Joyce. She had every right to do so, because I really wasn't able to separate my professional and personal feelings in the case, which is what lead me to my next reckless action.

I still made Georgie feel bad for doing so though and she spent most of the time when we were transporting the evidence from a couple of cases, including Brax's, apologising to me. I felt like a shit sitting there, listening to her apology, because unbeknownst to her, I had already plotted with Brax for him to steal the evidence from the car while I took Georgie for coffee. Just as Brax used me without a thought for my career, I used my friend and dragged her into my mess. I'm just glad she suffered no fallout because of my actions and I've since learnt she's been promoted to Sergeant. It made me feel both bittersweet and happy for her success and I'm sure she'll do a better job than I did.

Anyway, after Brax stole the evidence, I was wracked by guilt, not enough to come forward and confess, but enough to get away from Brax and town for a while with my friend Bianca. As usual, Brax failed to respect my wishes and came after me, along with his brother who wanted Bianca. He sucked me in with his words and I threw myself at him yet again and just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, it did. It really was like a rollercoaster of disaster. I don't remember the accident as I was knocked out but it was an accident, not even Brax's fault as Liam, Bianca's ex, was the one who rode his bike into Brax's car. But being true to form, Brax and Heath turned an accident into a crime when Heath stepped forward to take the blame while Brax took off with me. I was angry when I found out, again though, not angry enough to make it right and it cost me my friendship with Bianca, who resented the situation we had placed her in with our lies. I don't blame her for ending our friendship, I had become a horrible friend but I do hope she accepted the engagement surprise I had planned for her and has moved on with her life with Liam.

Not long after the accident, Georgie and I were finally in the clear over the stolen evidence and I found out Brax had lied to me about destroying the cocaine he had stolen along with the evidence for his case. He had actually planted the cocaine on someone else so he could frame him for the theft of evidence. Twice in such a short time, he proved he was still lying and willing to commit crimes to protect himself. He hadn't changed at all, even his excuse that he didn't have a choice was the same as always, yet I let him back into my bed and went through with resigning from the Force because I just couldn't wear the uniform after what I had done.

How is it I trusted a man who did nothing but lie to me over and over again and humiliated me, over and over again? Oh right, because I was the world's biggest fool and preferred to live with a blindfold and that stupidity got me killed. I had a target put on my back because of who Brax was. He had made an enemy out of a man just as dangerous and uncaring as him and to get at Brax, they came after me. Too bad we weren't together at the time, being on one of our many breaks, but it didn't matter either way, I was a target and after one failed attempt on my life in which I escaped with a scratch when one of Jake's men took a pot shot at me, I was kidnapped by Hammer, which ended up with me killing him to save Brax and pretty much signing my death warrant. I had no choice, Hammer would have killed Brax, then me but there was no way his big brother would see it like that and he didn't and that was why I ended up here.

Of course, there was quite a bit that happened in between me killing Hammer and Jake getting his revenge, like Hayley, the accident etc. but you can see what a mess my life had become and all because I got mixed up with a criminal. For Brax, I had killed a man, had compromised my career, which for so long was what defined me and it all seemed to happen so quickly; one day I was under the allusion I could have it all, the man I loved and my successful career, then my career was gone, there wasn't much left of my reputation, I had lost my best friend and pretty much everything I had worked so hard for and my solution to all of that was not to try to make things right, but to cut and run to the city with Brax, Ruby and Casey.

You see, after handing in my resignation, I convinced myself that Brax was worth sacrificing my career for, that he was worth throwing away my honour, values, beliefs and integrity and that I was ultimately happy with running away with him, but it was all a lie; I was living in a bubble where I hadn't looked too hard at the woman I'd become or just how much I had really lost. In the past few months of reflection, there have been times when I've barely been able to look at myself in the mirror because I couldn't believe that I sacrificed so much for a man who lied to me and gave up nothing for me; he always intended to leave the gang life behind so he gave up nothing and while I changed, he didn't.

I feel ashamed and weak and pathetic at the ease I'd allowed him to manipulate and use me. My father would be rolling in his grave, not just at the cop I became, but at the woman I allowed myself to become, a woman without any self-respect or dignity, a woman who kept running back to a man who did nothing but lie to me, use me and hurt me, a woman who just seemed to bend over and take it up the arse over and over because I was too weak to stay away. It really did give new meaning to the expression, 'fucked senseless'. I'd lain down, spread my legs and slowly been stripped of everything that made me, me.

It may seem strange for me to say this, but being murdered has saved my life. The blinkers are off to not just Brax, but to myself and I'm more determined than ever to avoid falling into the same patterns of the past. I would like to find love again, but I don't want to settle for any relationship just for the sake of being with someone, because if the last few months have taught me anything, it's that I can survive without a man in my life." I lay my hands on my belly, feeling the new life growing inside me, life that had survived the attempt on my own. "Of course, once you come into my world, I won't be alone, but like me, I want you to learn from my mistakes."


	7. Chapter 7

"Going by how far along I am, I must have conceived you in the days leading up to my shooting, which might be why you, my precious little miracle, survived the trauma. To say I was shocked to find out I was pregnant with you would be an understatement, because I had never really considered becoming a mother again after Ruby, for obvious reasons, yet even though you were as unplanned as Ruby was, I'm looking forward to becoming a mother again and despite having fallen completely out of love with your father, at the time of your conception, I did love him, so you were conceived in love.

I'm not kidding myself here though; I am scared somewhat by this and unlike last time, I don't have the luxury of having my parents to help me through this, but I promise you, this time I am going to try so hard to be a better mother. I will always regret that I was never really able to be there for Ruby as a mother, even after she found out the truth, we were always more sisters than mother and daughter." I close my eyes briefly as I think of Ruby. "I miss your sister so much and hope that one day you two will meet. I just know she's going to love you." I grin, "Once she gets over the shock of having a sibling, that is."

Sighing at the possibility that that meeting may never happen, I take a moment to gather my thoughts before continuing. "I'm sorry about my recent language and for letting my anger at Brax cloud your view of him, he is your father after all and when you're old enough to understand, I'll tell you all of this again and with as little bias on my part as I can so you can make your own decisions about him. It may affect your opinion of me, to see what a weak woman I was, but if it helps you to learn and avoid making similar mistakes, then I'm willing to risk you losing respect for me and maybe even hating me for keeping you from your father." I pause. That was part of my fear in all of this, especially after the fallout I had when Ruby found out the truth about her father but I can't risk letting Brax be a part of my baby's life. I cradle my belly; at least with this enforced exile, it meant I didn't have to tell Brax about his baby and hopefully, if I'm ever allowed to go back, it will be because Brax was safely locked behind bars and away from us. "I'm sorry little one, even if I could go back to the Bay tomorrow, I'd do whatever was necessary to stop your father from having too much of a role in your life because you deserve a chance to make something of your life, something that has been denied Heath and Casey because they got caught up in their controlling big brother's influence and now their criminal records will follow them everywhere and I certainly don't want you to be like me and become so enthralled with your father that you can't see the bad in him or the danger until it's too late.

I wish things were different, but your father is a dangerous man who has a tendency to tell you what you want to hear while doing the opposite and unfortunately, I really can't see him changing all that much; he has no respect for the law and when it comes to family, he will do whatever is necessary, however wrong it is and regardless of how much danger that places his family in and I have little doubt now that when things don't go his way, he'll revert back to his old ways, just as Mac wants him to and that is why I don't want him to be a part of your life."

Was it selfish of me to want to keep Brax away from his baby? Probably, but no more selfish than he has been. He's shown no regard for others, didn't give a stuff about how his actions affected me or my career and doesn't care who gets hurt as long as he gets what he wants. He really isn't a good person as good people don't set out to hurt others and if for whatever reason they do hurt someone, then they feel bad about it and apologise, but not Brax and what's worse, he justifies his crimes by saying he does it for family. There is no excuse though, for what he has done, for the lives he has helped to ruin, the families that have no doubt been affected by loved ones who fell victim to his violence and drugs and if the only way to protect my baby was to keep Brax away, then so be it.

I shake my head. God, hindsight is such a wonderful thing but also a complete bitch. My life could have been so different if I'd stuck to my guns and held onto my doubts about Brax instead of lying down with a criminal and losing everything. I sigh and gaze at my belly. "I'm not going to let myself be blinded again like that and I just hope I am strong enough to be a good mother to you and be something I was never really able to be for Ruby, a woman you can look up to and want to be like." I snort at that. "Perhaps it's best that you be your own person and view me as an example of what not to be or at least take note of my mistakes and learn from them like I hope I can." I smile wryly. "You must be getting sick of me repeating myself, but it's not just for your benefit, it's for mine. I need to keep reminding myself to learn from this as much as you should do, especially when it comes to relationships. Being in love is one thing, but it shouldn't come at the high cost like it has for me and as I've come to realise, there is more to relationships than just love and sex; there needs to be honesty, respect and trust, which was sadly lacking in my relationship, not just with your father, but also with some of my other relationships.

I really do suck big time at relationships, but hey, who knows, maybe Kate will have better luck in love than Charlie ever did." I chuckle a little to myself at that before my mind wanders back to yesterday and I can feel my heart beating quicker. It was such a shock to see her again and at first, I had thought I'd been mistaken, I mean, what were the chances that after so long, we'd somehow meet up again in a small coastal town, one in a different State and far from home?

I'd only caught a glimpse of her and had nearly convinced myself that I was mistaken and only imagined it was her because I'd been thinking so much of her during my months of reflections, yet there had been something about this woman, even from a distance, that had called to me and so I had followed her. At the time, I hadn't even been aware of what I was doing, my legs just took me forward, moving quicker when I lost sight of her as she went around a corner, only to slow down when she was in view again and then she stopped and so did my heart, at least for a second or two. Whatever had aligned to bring her back into my life after all this time, I was grateful to, because there in front of me, had been my beautiful Joey, as gorgeous as ever.

With every step I had taken toward her, my old feelings had come rushing back, surprising me at their strength. I had never forgotten Joey, despite my actions suggesting otherwise, but I was in so much pain after she left, I had put a wall over that part of my heart. I guess it worked too well as I fell quickly into bed with Angelo, but coming face-to-face with Joey after all this time, shattered the wall and all those pent up feelings came crashing through me, as strong as ever. I had loved her then and I still love her now.

I look out the window. Seeing Joey again was both wonderful and heartbreaking. Even as I had walked toward her, I could see the sadness in her eyes, sadness which had turned to shock, surprise and then anger as she saw me walking toward her. It was clear that she wasn't as pleased to see me as I was her, not that I could blame her. I'd played yo-yo with her heart, before cutting the string and though we had parted on slightly better terms when she left for her fishing job with the possibility of her returning to me in three months, I had still broken her heart and it was a heart that hadn't forgotten my betrayal. Despite the chill of that gaze ripping through my own heart and the possibility of absolute rejection, I had found myself closing the distance between us.


	8. Chapter 8

**YESTERDAY**

"It couldn't be," I murmur to myself, my eyes drawn to the woman in the distance. "I must be imagining things, because there is no way that could be her." But there was something about this woman that was calling to me and without realising it, I was closing the distance between us.

I almost panic when I lose sight of her when she walks around the corner. Practically running to catch up, I turn the corner and after another moment of panic, I find her again. Slowing my pace a little, my heart stutters as she stops.

It was her! I still couldn't quite believe it, but there was no denying that the woman standing there was indeed my beautiful Joey. She was as gorgeous as ever and such a beautiful sight to behold. She hadn't noticed me as of yet and as I walked slowly toward her, all of my feelings for her that had long since been walled up, threatened to overwhelm me as they burst back into life. I had loved her so much back then and that love was still there, seemingly as strong as ever.

My heart, along with my feet, faltered when she finally looked my way. Those soulful eyes, always so full of warmth when they had looked at me with such love, were now tinged with sadness and as I moved forward again and her eyes flickered with recognition, the sadness made way to shock and then anger. I may have been pleased to see her, but she obviously wasn't so thrilled. I understood perfectly and despite the 'fuck off' glare sending ice chards through my heart, I kept walking until we were face-to-face.

"I can't believe we ran into each other like this, I mean, what are the chances of us meeting again after all this time and here of all places?" I say, only to be met by stony silence. "How did you end up here?" I ask, trying to find something she'll answer.

"That's none of your business."

Ok, this definitely wasn't going to be easy, not that I really expected it to be, I think to myself as I struggle to deal with my churning emotions and the chilly reception.

"You know, for a dead woman, you look remarkably healthy."

I shivered at the coldness behind the words. "How did you know that I was dead?"

"A cop murdered in revenge for her killing a gang leader's brother was news worthy, as was the mention of you being involved with the leader of a rival criminal gang and that it was to be your last day as a police officer." I try not to squirm under the intensity of her gaze. "And here I was, always under the impression that your career and belief in the law was so important to you, but silly me, its sex with some guy that has always been the most important thing to you."

I really couldn't refute her accusation, because even to me, it felt like I'd put sex before so much else, but still, every word cut through me.

"A bit cruel on Ruby, isn't it, to be playing dead?"

"Believe me, more than anything, I wish I could have spared Ruby the pain, but I didn't exactly have much say in the matter, because I was unconscious when my so-called death happened. I wish I could go into more details, but I can't, I can only say that I've been given a new identity and a new life."

"Well, aren't you lucky, you get to fuck up your life and everyone else's and then you get to start all over again with a fresh slate."

There was so much anger behind her words and while she had every right to be angry with me, it worried me that after all this time apart, she still carried it inside her and it hurt me that I was the cause.

"It's not just your fault," she says as if reading my mind. "Because not everything is about Charlie Buckton."

"Joey, please, you can't call me that. My name is Kate, Kate Bellings and I work as a secretary."

Joey was surprised to see the worry and fear in her eyes at the mention of her name. "Fine, Kate, but a change of name doesn't change anything."

"I understand why you're upset with me and I wish to god I could take back so many of my actions, including what I did to you, but I can't. I have taken a long hard look."

"I'm not interested in hearing anything you have to say, Char, Kate or whatever the hell it is," Joey says, cutting me off mid-sentence.

"At least tell me why you never came back," I call out as she starts to walk away. I swallow hard as she turns and faces me again.

"And what would I have found had I come back?"

The way she looked at me and spoke, gave me a sinking feeling.

"Yeah, that's right Kate," she says sarcastically, obviously reading confirmation in my guilty expression. "I had planned to come back, because after three months away, I was finally prepared to forgive you and I was willing to at least try to see if we could make things work, until I found out from Aden that you were fucking the cop that killed your friend and you hadn't even had the decency to wait to see if I'd even be back."

I should have had more faith that Joey was coming back to me instead of jumping into bed with Angelo and it made me feel even worse knowing that for a second time, spreading my legs so easily for a guy, was responsible for driving Joey away from me.

"How do you think it makes me feel to know that you couldn't even be with me without feeling embarrassed, yet you could be with a man who killed your friend and lied to you about it and not only were you willing to be with a gang leader connected to drugs and violence and god only knows what else, you were happy to give up your career to live happily ever after with him? I heard that even Hugo was a criminal, but I guess that just proves that the problem with me, aside from not having a dick, which you can't seem to survive without, has always been that you prefer your lovers to be liars and criminals and not even for you would I stoop so low as to peddle drugs or kill someone just to get my hands in the muck you so obviously hold in such high regard."

"It wasn't like that."

"Then what was it like?" she replies angrily. "Tell me Charlie," forgetting in her anger to call me Kate. "How come you can be out and proud, so to speak, with men like that, but you couldn't even hold my hand out in public and had to fuck a guy to prove you weren't gay?" Her words stung, but not as much as her hurt and anguish at my actions did. "When I found out about Angelo, it felt like my heart was breaking all over again and I felt worthless and that I was never good enough for you." Joey took a deep, calming breath. "I gave you my heart, I loved you, I respected you, I was honest with you and I would have always been there for you, but you never loved me enough to consider me worth the effort and let's face it, even had I been a man, I clearly wasn't your type."

"Joey, that's not true. I know there are no excuses for what I have done, but."

"Damn right there's not," she cuts me off again. "If you had really wanted to Charl, Kate, you could have contacted me to ask me why I never came back and you sure as hell could have at least waited the three months, but as soon as the next guy walked by, you were too busy fucking him to even think of me." She starts to turn away from me again but stops and looks me in the eye. "Robbo may have raped my body, but you raped my heart and soul."

Watching Joey walk away was like losing her all over again and I was wavering between chasing after her or running away because I wasn't sure I was up to another round if I did go after her, but the decision was made for me when I saw the way she rushed toward and greeted the woman and baby who had just stepped out of the café. Not wanting to intrude or cause Joey any more grief, I walk away from her as quickly as I could.


	9. Chapter 9

Walking away from her ex-girlfriend was harder than Joey imagined it would be as she struggled with her emotions. She had been devastated when she'd read about Charlie's death in the paper and had crawled into bed and spent the rest of that day curled around a pillow crying her heart out and now, faced with a very much alive ex-girlfriend, she was in a state of shock and confusion.

Her heart had come close to breaking a second time when Aden had told her what Charlie had been up to in the months she'd been away at work and after picking up the pieces of her shattered dream, she'd made a promise to herself to try to forget her. As hard as she tried to though, forgetting Charlie had proven an impossible task; Charlie was her first love and for that reason, she would always hold a special place in her heart, in spite of the hurt at her betrayal, and while she couldn't forget her, she had forced herself to move on from Charlie and swore that she would never be used like that again or get involved with any woman who was unsure of her sexuality, because there was no way she could ever go through what Charlie had put her through ever again.

But now, coming face to face with a woman she would have been happy to spend the rest of her life with, all her hard won ground she had gained in moving on from her was in danger of being lost. Charlie had been as beautiful as ever, sadder than she ever remembered, but still beautiful. She'd even put on weight that just added to her beauty. "Don't go there Joey," she told herself. Charlie's beauty had always made her heart race and it was another reason to why she never returned to Summer Bay after she found out about Angelo. Aside from the hurt, she had already given Charlie so much of herself and she hadn't been about to give up her dignity by watching on while she happily cavorted around town with a man and seeing Charlie's beauty all the time, would have been a constant reminder of what she had lost, so it was easier to stay away. It also made moving on a bit easier.

She did feel awful for what she said to Charlie about her raping her heart and soul but all the pain that she had felt at her betrayal with Hugo and then Angelo, had come bubbling to the surface and combined with the shock of seeing her alive, it was like she had to hurt Charlie to protect herself, because one thing she had learnt was that she needed to be strong or it would be so easy to fall back into the trap that was Charlie Buckton or Kate whatever the hell her name is. The hurt and mistrust may still be there after all this time, but then so was the love; she may have repressed it and it may have weakened, but it was there and the last thing she wanted, was her resolve waning just because her ex was back in her life and looking as beautiful as ever.

"Fuck, Joey, just remember what she did to you and that should help keep your resolve," she tells herself. "And avoid her." That could be a problem though. This place was smaller than Summer Bay, so how was she going to avoid running into Charlie? Her thoughts were interrupted when she spied a welcome sight stepping from her favourite little café. Rushing toward them, she threw her arms around her friend.

"Hey, what's with the enthusiastic greeting, not that I object to hugs from beautiful women but my girlfriend most definitely would."

"Just a bad memory from the past," Joey explains, making sure she blocked her friend's view of Charlie. With a quick glance over her shoulder, she saw Charlie walking away and she hated the twinge of disappointment she felt at that.

"Jo, what's going on?"

"I told you, just a bad memory, which you and my gorgeous little god daughter can help me forget by keeping me company," she says, smiling at the little girl who was holding out her arms for her. Taking her into her arms, she kisses her forehead, seeking comfort in the unconditional love babies gave. "I love you too sweetie," she whispers.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about this bad memory?"

"Kym, I'd just like to forget about it."

"Ok. How about I buy you a coffee and something sickly sweet?"

"Is that really for me or for you?"

"I'm wounded Joey," Kym says, her hand over her heart. "That you would think I'd take advantage of your pain for my own nutritional advantage."

"You look for any excuse to eat junk food."

"Because it tastes better than the cardboard diet Caz has me on."

"Caz is the one on the diet."

"Yeah, but I feel guilty if I eat real food in front of her, so I'm kind of on the diet now too."

Joey chuckles, imagining how hard it was for her friend to forgo her beloved junk food. "Oh, the sacrifices we make for love."

"Oh shut up," she mumbles. Both of them knew she'd do anything for her girlfriend.

"By the way, I picked up that item you wanted and I'll drop it by later."

"Thanks for doing that Jo, Caz is going to love it."

"Only the best for Caz."

"You bet. You're a great friend Jo."

"No Kym."

"No, what?"

"Every time you say that, it's followed by, I have a friend of a friend who'd be perfect for you."

"You're a gorgeous girl Jo and you should be out there meeting women."

"It's not that long ago that I broke up with Grace."

"Jo, that was nearly six months ago," Kym reminds her. "And I never understood why you let her go, when she was perfect for you."

"I couldn't expect her to give up an opportunity like that."

"For you, she would have."

"And she may have ended up regretting it and then resented me for it. Kym, I cared too much about Grace to stand in the way of her following her dream and so letting her go was the right thing to do."

"You could have tried a long distance romance."

"Grace was going to the other side of the world and it didn't seem fair to expect her to stay faithful when she was going to be gone for so long, so a clean break was best."

"Grace isn't like that other bitch, you could have trusted her to remain faithful," Kym says. "God, even now when she's dead, that bitch is still fucking with your life."

It felt weird to be talking about Charlie like she was dead when she now knew differently. "She wasn't a bitch."

"She strung you along, treated you like a yo-yo with all the toing and froing and then fucks some scumbag behind your back. She was a fucking bitch Jo and you were better off without her."

"She was confused," Joey says, unsure why she was defending Charlie when she had called her a bitch many times herself.

"So confused she didn't know dick from pussy?"

"Do you have to be so crude?"

"Hey, I speak my mind, which is why you love me."

"Well not in front of the baby then," Joey says. Her friend was always a passionate protector of those she cared about, only sometimes she got a little carried away.

Kym takes the baby from her and holds her up, rubbing their noses together. "Remi won't repeat mummy's words, will you?"

"If her first words are fuck or pussy, Caz will kill you."

"Nah, she loves me too much." Kym sighs as she looks at her friend. "Jo, I don't mean to upset you when I rant about that woman, I just hate what she did to you."

"I know you care Kym."

"You've become like a little sister to me Jo and I just want you to be happy."

"I want that too, but I need to do this in my own time."

"Fine, I'll hold off on the matchmaking."

"Until the next friend of a friend, right?" Joey says with a grin.

Kym grins back at her. "You know me too well."

"You're just consistent."

"That makes me sound boring."

"You are far from boring."

"Glad you think so, because Caz and I have finally gotten a babysitter so we're hitting the town tonight and you're coming with us and we're going to have fun."

"You two don't have a lot of alone time together since the baby was born, why don't you have a romantic night out?"

"Romantic night eating cardboard? I don't think so and I romance Kym enough at home, but we do want to get out of the house and we'd love it if you'd come."

"You're not going to give up, are you?"

"Nope."

"I'll go, but on one condition."

"No friend of a friend tonight, I promise."

"Good. Now, is that coffee and something sickly sweet still on offer?"

"Of course."

Despite her emotions still being all over the place, Joey was feeling in a slightly better mood and she was grateful she had a friend like Kym, one she may need to rely on more than usual if she was going to have to deal with running into Charlie.


	10. Chapter 10

**BACK TO PRESENT**

I spent much of the night replaying my encounter with Joey, wondering if things could have gone differently, but I kept coming to the conclusion that no, our first meeting after hurting her so badly was always going to be a hard one. I'd also spent quite a bit of time wondering if my loneliness and missing my daughter and friends in the Bay, was making me latch onto Joey because she was a link to what I was missing and she was also the one person here, who I could be myself with. Once I had looked into my heart though and seen the clear image of Joey with her gorgeous eyes and smile, her caring heart and I knew beyond a doubt, that it was most definitely love I felt for her.

But what do I do about it? I'd like to think that there was a reason why after all this time, we finally met up again. Maybe it was just to let Joey unload the anger and hurt she's been carrying around, onto me. From my own experience, all the anger and hate I had held for so long against Grant, wasn't a burden I'd wish on anyone, let alone a gentle soul like Joey and I hate that she still carries it around. I'd like to find a way to at least try to make things up to her and help her move past her anger, even if that means her unleashing on me again and who knows, if we can get past it all, perhaps one day, we could even be friends. That might not be a possibility either, but I miss our friendship as much as I miss our relationship. I sigh heavily. Why would she even want to be my friend, when I never even bothered to contact her after she left the Bay? I can't even tell her why I never did, other than it may have been a fear of rejection, but truthfully, I really don't know why I never tried to get in touch with her.

I shake my head in annoyance at my doubts and indecision. I keep playing ping-pong between staying away from her to avoid causing her more pain and fucking up her life again, or talking to her again and trying to make it up to her in some way and I just can't shake the feeling that it is selfish of me to intrude in any way on the life she's made for herself. I had my chance with Joey and I blew it and now she's found someone else and they have a baby together. When I first saw the baby, I wondered if the dark-haired cutie was hers and then sometime during the night, my mind had imagined it was my baby she was cradling with love. Silly I know, but despite all of my doubts, I still can't help thinking of the possibilities, however unlikely they are.

I hold a piece of paper up in my hand. All this thinking and procrastinating wasn't achieving anything and now in my hand, I held my future, or at least, the address of where Joey worked. It hadn't been too hard to find out where she worked; it was a small town and with Joey's love for the water and boats taken into account, it didn't take long to find the boat shop where she was working.

I gaze down at my belly. "What do you think I should do, stay away or try again?" I imagine I hear the words, "One last try." I could give it one last try and if Joey tells me she wants nothing to do with me, then I'll leave her be. It might not be that easy to avoid her in a small town, but if it meant sparing her feelings, I'd do that, I could even tell Mac that Joey was here. So far, I've kept her presence from Mac because I don't think he would hesitate to move me elsewhere and that was the last thing I wanted; as lonely as I am, I have found some stability here and I really don't want to restart all over again, especially as it would mean meeting new people and having to spout my lies again. For Joey though, I'd be willing to move away if necessary.

Before my nerve wavered again, I grabbed my bag and house keys and rushed from the apartment.

* * *

I didn't want to ambush Joey in her workplace, so I decided to wait out front. I chose a spot on the grass by the water where I could sit and keep an eye out for her and waited, my anxiety increasing with every passing minute.

I thought my nerves were bad the first time I had started to realise my feelings for Joey were more than just friendship, but it felt so much worse this time. I guess this fear of rejection I was feeling right now must be something like what Joey had felt all the times I pushed her away before I finally smashed her heart. God, what the hell am I doing here? I had betrayed her in the worst possible way, drove her out of town and then hurt her again and if I was in her position, I'd be telling me to fuck off. I don't think I could ever forgive someone if they treated me like I had treated Joey. I frown, remembering how I had kept running back to Brax, time and again, despite him humiliating me and lying to me so often and never apologising for any of it.

I snort in a rather unladylike fashion. Joey had shown that beneath her vulnerable exterior, there was steel and she had proven herself to be much stronger than me by being able to cut loose that which was causing her nothing but pain - me. I wish I'd had that strength and cut Brax loose before it even started.

My thoughts of the past day just keep replaying over and over in my mind and now that I was thoroughly depressed and convinced this was about to be an absolute disaster, I decided my best option was to run and spare us both any further pain. Unfortunately for me, my decision to be a coward came too late, for while I was battling my inner thoughts, I had forgotten that time didn't stand still but kept going and so I had lost my chance to flee as Joey now loomed over me.

And if possible, she looked even less happy to see me here than she did yesterday. Oh fuck.


	11. Chapter 11

Joey was still struggling to get over the shock of seeing Charlie yesterday and aside from a few, short hours where she'd been able to put her encounter with Charlie from her mind and just have fun with her friends, she hadn't been able to keep the memories and feelings she'd tried so hard to put behind her from intruding. Even today, when she'd tried to keep busy so as not to think too much about her swirling emotions, she hadn't succeeded; they were back, as strong as ever and she wasn't happy about it. Getting over Charlie the first time had been hard enough to do from afar, but having her here now, as a living reminder of what she had lost and tried to forget, was going to make it even harder to push those feelings aside.

She had no idea how long she and Charlie had lived in the same town or how they had managed to avoid each other until yesterday, but as soon as it happened, she just knew that she would be running into Charlie again, though she'd been hoping it wouldn't be today, because after having just spent the last twenty minutes dealing with a difficult customer, the last thing she needed was another showdown with her ex. So why didn't she just keep walking right on by, because going by Charlie's distracted expression, she doubted she even would have noticed if she'd walked right past in front of her, yet here she was, standing over her ex, waiting for her to say something and she wasn't sure why.

Half my brain was running scared at the expression on Joey's face and the guarded look marring her usually kind, soulful eyes while the other half marvelled at how beautiful she looked after a long, hard day at work. As both thoughts battled for supremacy, Joey started speaking to me. Well, I noticed her lips were moving but I was too busy talking to myself to hear her. Bravo Charlie, you've just shown yourself to be an insensitive wanker yet again, I thought mournfully. As this new thought intruded, I told myself to get a grip and to find some more friends because all this talking to myself couldn't be healthy.

"Charlie?" Joey said with a frown. "Kate?" she said a little more firmly.

Shoving all thoughts aside, my mouth finally took control. "Huh?" Oh brilliant, Charlie, first you ignore her and then you sound like a fool.

Joey couldn't help it as a smile started to play around her lips. It was pretty obvious Charlie was still lost in thought and it gave her the most adorable lost, frowny face. "Don't go there Joey," she warned herself to remember that this woman had broken her heart and couldn't be trusted.

I had a moment of hope when I saw that flicker of a smile, but it was quickly dashed when Joey's face once again became closed to me and she demanded to know what I wanted. It was unbelievable how much her expression and tone hurt and that I was the cause of it.

She really does look so lost and alone, Joey thought and she felt her cold stance and tone softening. "I was going to get a coffee at the café on my way home, why don't you join me?" Joey had no idea what in the hell she was doing, but now that the words were out, she couldn't take them back.

The invite was beyond my wildest hopes and I knew I must have been grinning like a fool as I nodded my acceptance and got to my feet. "It will have to be a cup of tea for me," I said with a pat to my belly. Shit, she didn't know about the baby, I realised by her shocked expression. Of course she didn't know Charlie, you hadn't told her, I castigated myself and for god's sake, stop talking to yourself.

"You're pregnant?" Well, that explained the weight gain, she murmured, feeling like an idiot. Fuck, what a surprise though and here she had thought that reading in the papers about her daughter Ruby, had been a big enough bombshell. She had to admit to being curious as to how that came about but it also hurt as it was yet another thing Charlie had kept from her and her sister being her daughter was a pretty big bloody secret to have kept.

"Yeah, I'm three months now," I tell her.

"I'm surprised you haven't gone running back to him with the good news."

I wince at the bitterness and censure in her voice. "Joey, you may not believe this, but the last three months has given me a lot of time to think and to finally take stock of all the mistakes I have made, Brax being one of them. He was never the man I thought, no hoped, he could be and even if it was safe to return to the Bay tomorrow, it wouldn't be for him." Both my hands were now on my belly. "I don't want that man to have anything to do with my baby."

I guess there was something in my voice because I could see the tension easing from Joey's features.

"The offer of a drink is still there."

"Won't your girlfriend be waiting at home for you?" I was surprised that I managed to say the word 'girlfriend', without choking on it.

"My what?"

"Your girlfriend, you know, the woman with the baby I saw you with yesterday."

"Who, Kym? She's just a friend, a very good friend, but also very platonic."

"Oh," relief flooded through me. "It's just that I saw you with them and I just assumed," I said a bit sheepishly. "And the baby?"

"Kym and her partner, Caroline's daughter and my god daughter."

Double relief. "Tea would be lovely," I tell her.

"Cha," she stops herself. "Kate," the name still felt weird on her tongue. "I'm sorry about what I said to you yesterday, it was just that seeing you again totally threw me and all my barriers went up around my heart and I hurt you to protect myself."

"It's ok, Joey. I don't blame you at all for saying what you did or for feeling that way, not after what I did to you."

"That's no excuse for hurting you back." She sighs heavily and stares out over the water.

"Joey, if my being here is going to be too hard for you, I'll stay away and I will completely understand if you want nothing to do with me, I just wanted you to know how sorry I am for hurting you like I did. I was weak, just like I've always been, I'm just sorry you had to pay for my weakness." The words were tumbling out of my mouth so quickly I wasn't sure I was even being coherent.

It was funny how much had changed in such a short time, Joey mused. Only minutes earlier she was complaining about Charlie's presence making it harder for her to push aside her emotions and now, here she was, asking her to join her for a drink. Maybe it was her subconscious' way of telling her it was time. "Kate, I'm not going to pretend that you being here is easy to deal with, because it's not, but I think it's time we talked and cleared the air, unless you would prefer to play see, then go hide to avoid each other whenever we're walking down the street?"

"Definitely talk."

"Then let's go and get that drink."


	12. Chapter 12

We made our way to the café in silence and once our drinks were set down in front of us, we were still silent. "I read that Ruby was your daughter," Joey finally broke the silence some minutes later.

It was the opening I needed and once I started, it was like the flood gates had opened and I told her how Ruby came to be, about her finding out and Grant coming back into our lives, I also told her about Angelo and my whole sordid affair with Brax. By the time I stopped speaking, my mouth was dry and I took a sip of my tea, only to find it had gone cold. I kept my eyes on the cup in front of me, fearful of what I'd see in those beautiful, soulful pools of hers if I looked into them after what I had just told her about my shameful actions.

When I felt her hand gently squeezing mine, I finally looked up and caught her eyes. There was no judgment or disappointment there, only concern.

"You certainly don't believe in living a quiet life, do you?" she said with a quirky grin.

Her light-hearted manor had the desired effect and I found myself smiling back at her. It was such a relief to have finally spoken to someone other than myself about this. "I've made such a mess of things and now I'm a disgraced cop who is knocked up with a violent criminal's baby. I'm not sure if it's possible to be any more pathetic than I am, though with my luck, I'll probably find a way," I mutter, much to Joey's amusement, it seemed.

"Sorry, I know it's not funny, but the way you said, it just," she shrugs. "And you're not pathetic Char, Jesus, sorry, Kate," Joey said with a wry smile. "It's going to take some time to get used to that."

"Tell me about it, there's still the odd occasion when I hear the name Kate and it takes a moment to realise it's me they're talking to."

"Well Kate, as I was saying, you're not pathetic, because pathetic would have been forgetting everything you've gone through, everything you've realised about yourself just to go running back to him and sharing the joy of your child while fooling yourself that once again, everything was right with your world. It takes strength to have done what you have Kate, to hold a mirror to yourself and admit that you don't like the woman who looked back at you."

"Too bad I had to get shot to do it. I guess being away from it all made it easier to sit back and see where I went wrong, but the hard part now, is to avoid falling into the same trap yet again, I mean, in the past, I've sworn to myself that I wouldn't make the same mistakes, but then went ahead and made them anyway."

"This time, I think you've really started on the right path with this self-evaluation and you will have more success."

I really wanted to draw from her belief in that but it wasn't always easy to stay positive. "I've just lost so much already, especially Ruby. I miss her every day I'm apart from her."

"Is there any way you can contact her?"

I shake my head sadly. "Hopefully when this is over, I can, but until then, it's too dangerous, not just for me, but for her so for now, she needs to think I'm dead."

"Look, it's getting late," my heart drops at Joey's words. "Why don't we get something to eat and we can keep talking?"

"I'd love that," I said, relieved Joey wasn't going to leave me, at least not yet.

Once we placed our food orders, I looked back over at Joey. "I'm sorry I never told you about Ruby, it was a secret I had carried for so long and it was just second nature to keep it like that."

"I know how hard it is to open up about being raped, so that is one part of your life I truly understand you being silent on." The hurt she'd felt at Charlie having kept the truth about Ruby from her had gone during Charlie's earlier confession about Ruby and Grant.

"I wish you had been around when it all came out." I stare into my tea. "At least you would have been more likely to believe it was rape and I wasn't just some slut who accused an innocent man just because I was scared and ashamed of having a kid when I was still a kid myself."

"I take it that happened?"

I nod. "Grant was very convincing to Ruby and Angelo and at the time, Angelo and I were sort of on and off and he doubted my word. I think half the problem was that he was still shitty I hadn't told him I'd been in love with a woman, not because I was ashamed of you," I hurriedly added. "I didn't tell him about you, just as I didn't tell him about my other relationships. It wasn't any of his business who I had been with in the past and part of me just wanted to keep what we had to myself."

"Would you have ever told Ruby or me the truth about her?"

I look Joey in the eye, a sad smile on my lips. "Truthfully, I don't really know, but probably not."

"At least you're honest about that."

"Yeah, seeing as how honesty hasn't been my strong suit for so long where people I care about are concerned and it just fucks up so much, including just about every relationship or friendship I've ever had."

"Nice to see you don't discriminate then."

I smile at the humour in her voice. "I wish I was more discriminatory," I reply. "Not where you're concerned, because if I'd been brave enough, we could have been so good together, but when it comes to guys, my choices were so wrong for me and with Brax, I lost my way completely and when I look back, I don't even know why. I mean sure, he was sexy and exciting, but with the way he treated me and the things he did, I see now that I was just fooling myself into believing he was a good person and someone who I wanted to spend my life with. Now, he's the last person I ever want to see again, let alone have a future with."

"At least you can see that now."

"Only when it's too late."

"It's never too late."

"It is for us," I said, holding her eyes the entire time. "You were wrong you know, when you asked how I could be out and proud with men like Angelo and Brax, because I wasn't. I snuck around with Angelo before I finally got caught out and it was even longer with Brax before everyone found out."

"So why be with people you don't want to be seen with?"

My heart ached when I caught Joey's meaning; she had included herself with the others. "Joey, it was nothing to do with you, it was all me. I was a coward, scared of being seen as gay because I wasn't strong enough to deal with it, but you were different to Angelo and Brax. I hid my relationships with them because of their reputations and what they'd done and that should have been enough to keep me away, but," I shrug. "When it comes to guys, I seem to pick ones who have done bad things and don't mind lying to me about it. I don't know, maybe it's because I know that deep down, those relationships will fail and I wouldn't have to commit to them."

"You left the career you loved for Brax, that seems pretty committed to me."

"I didn't really have a choice. I'd already overstepped the line too often and I just couldn't wear the uniform anymore. Of course, at the time, I saw it as a way of starting anew with Brax, Casey and Ruby, but in reality, I was really just running away from my problems and somewhere down the line, probably when I was bored shitless no longer doing the job I loved, I would have realised just how much of myself I had sacrificed for Brax."

"You know, one of the things I loved about you, were the times when you led with your heart."

I nod at the truth of that statement. "Problem is, my heart also led my head at the wrong times and I really wasn't in the right profession to let that happen. Part of being a cop, is being able to distance yourself and trust in your instincts about people, yet even though I had heard all the rumours about Brax, had my own doubts, especially when he kept being linked to crime and was clearly still lying to me and caring more for his freedom and drugs than my career or the position his actions placed me in, I just ignored it all so I could carrying on fooling myself about him and now because of me, anyone who is hurt by Brax's violence or criminals acts, their hurt is on my head."

"No Kate, it's on his head. You aren't responsible for his actions, only your own."

"My actions are why he's free to hurt others."

"You have no way to know that even if you had done your job, he'd be in jail."

"I would have kept trying though."

"And you still may never have gotten him, because as unfair as it is, some criminals never get the punishment they deserve," she said quite forcefully. "Kate, you've accepted that your actions were wrong and you want to avoid repeating them and that's a good thing, so don't let the rest drag you down." She sits back in her chair and regards me with a look that was both amused and serious. "I have to admit, it's refreshing to hear you talk with such honesty about your feelings and your mistakes."

"Yeah, it's just too bad, that like everything else, it came so late."

"Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it?"

"It's an absolute bitch," I said with a wry smile that matched Joey's. "I really do wish it hadn't taken losing everything to realise all of this though; I've lost my daughter, my career, my friends, everything that made me who I was."

"Charlie lost that, but now Kate has a bright future ahead of her, if only she'd let go of the weight of past actions and regrets and move forward," Joey said in a firm voice. "And you need to believe that you will see Ruby again."

"God Joey, I want that so much."

"Then believe it."

"It's not that easy."

"I know it's not, but you need to stay positive and keep moving forward," she said again.

Why did Joey have to be so wonderful, I thought, regretting even more that I had stuffed up so badly where we were concerned. I sigh heavily. "My life could have been so different if I'd fought for us back then."

"It wasn't the right time, Kate," she said softly. "You weren't ready back then and as hard as this lesson has been for you, maybe it was necessary for you to lose everything as a way to finally open your eyes to the way you had lived your life until recently."

"It's a hell of a hard lesson to learn."

"One you're unlikely to ever want to repeat. Kate, we can't change what happened in the past, only learn from it and I know that you will continue to miss Ruby every day you're apart, but you've been given a second chance and you should take it, make a happy home for your baby and find someone to love."

"I already have found someone to love," I thought silently, feeling myself falling a little bit more in love with her the longer we talked. "Love scares me in a way," I admit aloud to her. "I'm really not sure if I know how to have a healthy relationship and not sabotage a good thing when it comes along. I was moving away with Brax because our actions gave us little choice, but commitment and a serious, healthy relationship is still like alien nature to me. I just can't seem to stop myself from fucking them up and hurting people and as much as I do want to find someone to be with, I'm not sure that I want to inflict my screwed up personality on them."

"I don't think you're screwed up, I think you suffered from an horrific crime when you were barely more than a child that has affected the way you view not just relationships but yourself."

"What happened to me back then, doesn't excuse what I did to you."

"No it doesn't, but it's time to move on, for the both of us. I don't want to hold onto this anger or hurt anymore," she said. "And while I may still be somewhat pissed at Charlie, I'd like to give friendship with Kate a chance."

I wanted to seize on Joey's offer of friendship, it was what I had wanted from the start, but a part of me was now scared of accepting because I was scared I'd just hurt her all over again. "I'm still the same person Joey."

"No," Joey replied firmly. "You may look and sound like her, but you're a different person." She smiles at me and my heart flutters a little more. "I think Kate has been a good influence on you." I chuckle as Joey continues. "And you're not the only one who has changed Kate. I'm a big girl now, one who won't be afraid to call you out if I feel you're wallowing in self-pity or in danger of being a prat."

"A prat?" I ask with an amused smile.

"Well, I was going to say being a lying and insensitive bitch, but we're starting anew, so Kate would just be at prat stage when she started to act out the first time."

I laugh again. "Let's just hope I can avoid reaching the lying and insensitive bitch stage then."

"I hope that too."

It felt so wonderful to be able to talk to someone, to smile and laugh and the start of a new friendship with Joey was an added bonus. I still wouldn't have blamed her if she'd just blown me off, but the fact that she's giving me another go means the world to me. "Just so you know, I would have left town if it would have made things easier for you."

Joey smiles at me again. "That just shows me that you have changed."

"You know, we've spent all this time talking about me, but what about you, what have you been up to these past few years?"


	13. Chapter 13

_"You know, we've spent all this time talking about me, but what about you, what have you been up to these past few years?"_ asked Charlie. "I mean, last I heard, you'd ended up at the Whitsundays."

"How did you know that?"

"Your brother was only too willing to tell me you weren't coming back."

Joey played with the napkin in front of her before speaking. "It took a lot to reach the decision to forgive you and come back to see if we could try to make things work, but then after hearing about Angelo, I realised I couldn't go back and I also didn't really want to sign up for another long haul, so when the captain mentioned a job in the Whitsundays and said he'd put in a good word for me, I took him up on the offer and I got the job."

"I'm so sorry I made you feel like you couldn't come home."  
"It was my decision Kate. I needed to move on and I couldn't do that with you in the same town but no longer in my life and it's not like I had any other reason to return to the Bay. The only family I had was a homophobic brother I barely speak to and I really didn't have much in the way of friends, aside from Aden, Leah and Ruby, two of whom lived with you, which would have made it hard to be friends with them."

"I really do excel at fucking things up, don't I?" I said dejectedly. "You weren't just the woman I loved Joey, you were someone who I felt a connection to almost instantly and our friendship just felt so natural and I went and threw it all away."

"Hey, we're moving on from that and hopefully Joey and Kate can have a friendship that's even stronger."

"As long as I don't fuck that up too," I muttered.

"If you keep that attitude, then chances are, you will," she said without a hint of censure, but I got her meaning.

"Yeah, I know, I need to stay positive and don't let my past hold me back."

"It's not always easy to move forward, I know that from personal experience, but having friends by your side helps you to stay strong and to get through it."

"That's one of the things that has been the hardest about all of this. Dishonesty was such a part of my life with Brax and I don't want to go back to that way of living, but ever since I came to this town, I've been living a lie and its hard work lying all the time."

"Well, you don't really have a choice this time around."

"Unlike before when I had a few choices, like coming clean to my superiors the moment I was compromised or ditching and staying away from Brax but I did none of that and I only came clean to Joyce because I got busted by Brax's brother and I didn't want him blackmailing me." I sighed and shook my head sadly. "I've met some really nice people since I moved here, but I've never felt comfortable lying so much to them, so other than accepting the odd invitation from people at work and chats with my neighbour, I keep mostly to myself."

"That's a pretty lonely way to live."

"Yeah, it is but it's just so hard to relax with others when I'm constantly reminding myself of all the lies I have to keep track of."

"Maybe soon, those lies will be like second nature and so you'll be able to relax amongst other people and now that I'm here, someone who knows the old you, we can talk about things you can't with others."

"I think I should pinch myself to make sure this isn't all a dream because surely I can't be so lucky as to have such a wonderful woman as a friend." I found her blush at my words incredibly endearing.

"It's not a dream Kate and despite the bad memories, I also had a lot of good memories from the Bay and I do miss the place, so I wouldn't mind a bit of reminiscing about it."

"That sounds good, I just hope Mac never finds out."

"Does he know who I am?"

"I don't see why he would."

"Then I'm just a new friend you've made and you know what, I could check in on Ruby and the others, if you'd like."

I very nearly jumped at the chance but instead, I shook my head. "Mac keeps me updated and I don't want to risk drawing any unwanted attention and since you've been gone so long, it might raise questions, especially if Mac got wind of it and started looking into you and found out that my new friend is actually from the Bay." And aside from worrying myself to an early grave, there was nothing I could do if I learnt things weren't going well at home, I added silently. "And then once he discovered you were my ex, he would probably insist on moving me to another town with a new name, because as far as he'd be concerned, one person knowing the truth is one too many."

"I really can't imagine how hard this has been for you. It was my decision to leave the Bay and then to stay away, but you were just sort of yanked away from your old life without even being asked and now you have the baby and your own new life to deal with, all the while never being able to see or even contact your daughter."

"Having a friend helps," I said, earning a smile from Joey.

"See, I told you."

"And being able to talk about things also really helps but I warn you, there'll be times when you'll have to prod me with the stay positive speech."

"That's what friends are for."

We shared a smile that felt absolutely wonderful before something occurred to me. "How did we end up back to talking about me, when I was asking about you?"

"You're a far more interesting topic," quipped Joey.

"I doubt that. So, you went to the Whitsundays, then what happened, how did you end up here?" I asked, steering the conversation back to her.

"Things didn't work out at the Whitsundays, then I met Kym and her partner Caz in my travels and when they decided to move back to Victoria, they invited me along and as luck would have it, Caz's uncle needed help at the boat shop and so that's how I ended up here."

I sensed that there was a lot that Joey had left out but I didn't want to press when we were still in the very early stages of rebuilding our friendship and I knew I still had to work to regain her trust completely, I just hoped that some time in the future, she would be able to open up to me. "You always find your way to the water," I said instead.

A dreamy smile graces her beautiful features. "It calls to me and I just can't stay away."

"It is a lovely place here."

"Yeah it is and I've made some great friends since I've been here."

"That's great. Has there been anyone special?" I asked, half fearing the answer. I remembered the feeling of relief in finding out the woman with the baby wasn't her girlfriend, but while it would hurt if she said yes, I would have felt even worse if my treatment of Joey had made it hard for Joey to find love again.

"Once I got my act together, I had a couple of longer relationships, one which I thought might have lasted, but Grace received an amazing opportunity and I didn't want to come between her and her dream, so we broke up."

"What was her dream?"

"She's a cop," Joey answers with a wry smile. "But she's also got a degree in behavioural sciences so when she got an offer to train and study with the FBI, I told her to go for it because it's what she had always wanted."

"You miss her?"

Joey thought about that for a moment. "Yeah, I do," she replied honestly. "She's only the second woman I've ever really been in love with."

Ok, now I was jealous. This woman had Joey's love, was a cop and was following her dreams while I was a single mum-to-be disgraced cop who had little chance of getting Joey's love back. Days like this really sucked when it reminded me of what I'd given up. I had wanted to be a Detective, was studying hard for the exam, until I realised my relationship with Brax pretty much made that an impossible dream. Shame I didn't think about the rest of my career either, because I might have still had it, but I had had to change while Brax got to stay the same person he's always been, got to keep his restaurant and family and pretty much sacrificed nothing for me while I gave him everything. Why couldn't he have been like Joey and realised how much my career meant to me instead of sitting back and happily watching me lose it along with everything else that made me who I was. What a selfish jerk he was. If he had cleaned up his act like he kept telling me he was, I'd never have been placed in a position where I was so compromised. Oh don't be a fool Charlie, I castigated myself. The moment I spread my legs for him I'd compromised myself and everything after that was purely because I was a sad, weak and pathetic fool who was happy to wear blinkers because opening my eyes would have been too inconvenient.

"Memories?" Joey's soft voice of concern draws me from my depressing musings.

"More like nightmares, regrets, if only's and blaming others before blaming myself, you know, all the self-pitying crap I need to leave behind." I shrugged, "Sometimes things just trigger a memory and my mind takes me on an unpleasant journey."

"Definitely been there and done that. Do you need that prod with the stay positive speech?" she asked with a bit of cheek, drawing a chuckle from me.

"I think I'm right for now, but keep it handy though."

Joey glanced out the window over my shoulder. "It's getting really late and it's dark outside, so why don't I walk you home," offered Joey.

"I'd like that." We get to our feet.

"Can I ask a question?" Joey asked with a touch of hesitation.

"You can ask me anything."

"If I were to ask you if you were straight or bi, what would you say?"

I didn't even hesitate in my response. "You are the only woman I've ever been in love with, but I'm really not sure if that makes me bi or not, only a woman who had been," I really wanted to say, still is, "in love with an amazing woman."

"I'm hardly amazing."

"I happen to think you are." I loved the way she was blushing again at the compliment. "Honestly Joey, I don't know if loving one woman makes me bi or not, but I do know one thing, if I was ever in a relationship with a woman again, I wouldn't hide from it."

"I'm glad."

"This has really been great Joey, to talk and be friends again."

Joey surprised me with a hug. "I'm here for you Kate," she murmured. I wanted to hold her forever but with great reluctance, I forced myself to step back and was surprised by the look of wonder on Joey's face. "I knew about the baby, but when I hugged you, I mean, I um," she paused and pointed at my belly. "Can I?" I nodded and Joey laid her palm on my belly. The touch was so gentle but it felt like a fire was touching me.

"It's still a little early to feel him or her move," I tell her.

"It's hard to believe there's a little life in there."

"It still surprises me at times."

"Did you mean what you said earlier, that you don't want him to have anything to do with your baby?"

I nodded and placed my hands on my belly either side of Joey's hand, which was still resting there. "I know my baby will want to know about his or her father, but I'm not going to sugar coat it and Brax isn't going to have a role in his/her life if I have anything to do about it."

"Well Kate," Joey said, stepping to my side and holding her elbow out for me. "It's time to get you home." Linking my arm through hers, we set out on our way. "Kate, may I suggest that in the future, if you ever find yourself missing male companionship, get a pet."

I laughed and promised her I'd look into that if it ever became necessary. It felt so wonderful to be like this with Joey again.


	14. Chapter 14

For the next week, Joey and I settled into an easy routine. I would always finish work before Joey, so I'd meet her out front of the boat shop and we'd walk home together, stopping at the cafe for a drink along the way where we'd talk for an hour or two. It honestly felt like we'd never been apart with the way we'd just slipped into our old friendship, though with one big difference; this time, it was strictly friendship. I may have wished for more, but I knew that was an impossible dream as Joey had shown no inclination for wanting anything more than we already had and despite that, I was happy. With Joey, I was able to be myself and relax in a way I hadn't really been able to do for a long time, especially when I was with Brax. There always seemed to have been something going on when I was with Brax, usually bad, so I was never able to really relax and let's face it, I was never able to be myself when we were together, because that would have meant I'd actually have to do my job and stop ignoring the truth about him like I did. All-in-all, with all the sneaking around, our actions, the guilt, never being able to be me and such, made relaxing an impossibility and so I revelled in the time I had with Joey.

It was so different with her and not just because she's the only person here who knows me which meant I could let my guard down whenever we were alone together, but there was just something about Joey's presence that had a calming effect on me. A simple smile from her lifted my spirits and the way she was always at me to be positive was wonderful. That pretty much summed up who Joey was, wonderful. Life had been cruel to her, yet she had managed to be caring and positive and be strong enough to leave her anger behind to be there for me.

I knew I must get a dreamy expression on my face at times when I thought of Joey, but I couldn't help it. Every day I fell a little more in love with her. I knew it wasn't a smart move, as my love would remain unrequited, but I couldn't help it. I was just so happy to have her in my life again, even as just a friend and who knew, maybe somewhere down the track, I would meet someone new who could help me move past Joey, though I had a feeling I'd always love Joey in some way.

I gazed down at my belly where my hands were gently resting, imagining I could still feel Joey's palm there. A couple of times now, Joey had laid her hand on me and spoken to my baby. I found it incredibly endearing, especially when she introduced herself to my baby and promised to make sure mummy Kate looked after herself. Those little scenes always had me daydreaming about the day I became a mother again and Joey would be there by my side, occasionally, in my more fanciful moments, I imagined her as my lover, but most times, just as a friend, but she was always there by my side as a co-parent. Those were only my daydreams though and we hadn't really spoken about what will happen once the baby arrives, other than Joey had offered her support, I just wasn't sure in what way or how involved she wanted to be and I didn't really want to push the issue. Besides, the birth was still some months away and anything could happen in that time.

My mind drifts to Joey in my bed. "No, not that Kate," I told myself. I'm not sure what the future will hold, but I do know that Joey will be there as a friend, at least, that's what I hope, provided nothing happens to change that. And I'm not just talking about me fucking things up like I have in the past. Mac was in the café the other day and I had never been so nervous, afraid he'd somehow know who Joey was and he'd take me away from her, but he'd merely introduced himself to Joey as an associate of mine from the real estate agency I work at, unaware that Joey knew exactly who he was. He and Joey actually seemed to get along well but it was a relief when Mac left and the next day, I half expected him to turn up and tell me he'd run a background check on Joey and knew she was from Summer Bay, but he never did and for now, our ruse seems to have been successful.

The next test though, was going to be tonight. For tonight, I was going to be introduced to Joey's friends for the first time and I can honestly say that I'm nearly shitting myself. These people have come to mean a lot to Joey and from what Joey's told me, they're rather protective of her and have a low opinion of that Bitch, as I'm apparently known, not that I can really blame them for thinking bad of me after what I did to their friend.

At least tonight though, they weren't going to be meeting that Bitch, but the mysterious woman Joey had been seen spending time with. When Joey had first told me about the invitation to meet her friends and wanting to decline it, I'd nearly agreed with her, but then I realised it was time we got this over with; they were Joey's friends and I was hers, so we couldn't keep avoiding meeting. Unfortunately, it also meant that I was going to have to be on my guard tonight while I was with Joey, we both were. Joey was a little worried she'd let something slip about who I was, but I assured she'd be fine, we just had to keep most of the conversations to the now and avoid mentioning that I was also from the Bay. We still spoke about the Bay quite frequently when we were alone, but more about the good things and less about the negatives and as much as we had spoken about our old home, I had still yet to learn more about Joey's time before she came to be in this lovely little town and as much as I wanted to know, I found myself holding back and waiting for Joey to reveal this when she was ready. It worried me a little though, as to why she was avoiding talking about this period of her life and I really hoped that nothing had happened to her that she was trying to forget. She had been through enough heartache and I would wish for anything to have been able to take some of that away and not have any more have happened to her because I made her not want to come home.

I suddenly smiled, picturing Joey's response if she knew my thoughts were drifting back to me blaming myself for her staying away, she'd be prodding me with that stay positive speech and telling me not to let the past interfere with my future. Even just picturing her beautiful smile and soulful eyes had a calming effect and made me wish I could bottle it and carry it with me forever. "You can, silly," I told myself, once again bringing up an image of her.

Before my mind could start to race away with impossible dreams once again, a knock at the door dragged me back to reality. Opening the door, my heart did a little flutter as it did every day when I saw Joey.

"You look great Kate," Joey said, eying her friend off with an appreciative gaze as she entered the apartment. Joey still felt odd about calling her ex Kate, but at least now, she could say it more naturally without having to stop and think before she spoke.

I could feel my face flushing at Joey's perusal, even though there was nothing sexual about it, she was just a friend giving a compliment but I still felt a bit weird about the new shape my body was taking on with pregnancy. Joey had assured me numerous times during the past week that pregnancy made me more beautiful and any guy would be banging down my door for a date if that's what I wanted. It wasn't what I wanted though and I told her that, even joked about what if it was a woman who I wanted banging down my door. Joey had looked startled, then smiled and told me if that was what I wanted, then she knew of a few single women who would be very interested to learn that and she could introduce me to them. Apparently, this little town had quite the lesbian scene, much to my surprise. She had chuckled at what must have been my wide-eyed response to her offer and said she was only joking about the introductions and understood I wasn't ready to start looking just yet. I had thanked her for the offer though and it had gotten me thinking. I know I had told Joey I didn't know if loving her made me bi or not, but now, I've started to realise that maybe I should leave myself open to the idea of having another relationship with a woman; not just because I couldn't have Joey and my relationships with men sucked, but because the more I thought back on my feelings when I was with Joey, a woman, I realised how different I had felt and in a good way. I had felt a connection to her, a connection that was lacking in my relationships with men and maybe I felt it with Joey because we were both women. I still wasn't really sure about my sexuality, as I fucked up pretty much all my relationships, whether with men or woman, but when the time came for me to move on with someone, I think I should at least consider a relationship with a woman and if I found someone but it didn't feel right when we were together, then she wasn't the one for me, just like Angelo or Brax really weren't the guys for me. After all, it had nothing to do with gender, but the connection I felt or didn't feel when I was with someone.

I came back to the present to find Joey smiling knowingly. She was well aware of my habit to zone out and had commented that she found my faraway expression or frowny face rather adorable. "Sometimes I wish I could see what was going through that mind of yours," she said.

"It's not always something I want to see myself," I admitted. "But this time, it's about realising the future is opening up new possibilities for me and it's making me hopeful."

"I'm glad. You deserve happiness Kate," Joey said. "Now, are you sure you want to go out tonight, because we really don't have to do this you know."

"We talked about this Joey; we can't keep putting this off, especially as they know you've been spending time with me and it might start looking suspicious if we keep making excuses to avoid them meeting me."

"You're still worried about Mac finding out?"

"The worry lessens a little with each passing day he says nothing, but we still need to be careful and the best way to do that now, is for me to start meeting more people, instead of drawing so much attention to you."

Joey nodded in understanding. "I warn you though, Kym really doesn't like Charlie, but her heart is in the right place when it comes to her concern for me, so I don't want you getting too upset if the topic comes up." And she had a feeling it would, because even though she'd told Kym that Kate was only a friend, Kym had a tendency to want to suss out the new people in her life, whether they were potential suitors or not, because she didn't want to see her hurt in any way.

"I've been critical of myself, so I doubt she'll say anything that I haven't already told myself about my own behaviour."

"Still, if she goes off, I want you to know that I don't agree with her. You're not that person anymore."

"Thanks Joey, but hearing a few home truths will only make me more determined to avoid becoming that person again." I smile at her, "It's a good thing though, that she's meeting Kate tonight and not Charlie."

Chuckling, Joey links her arm through mine. "Shall we go into the lion's den then?"

"Now, you really have me worried," I joked. I was still shitting myself slightly, but having Joey by my side definitely made it easier and I was looking forward somewhat, to meeting the people who had become such a part of Joey's life.


	15. Chapter 15

"I'd swear you guys have been friends for ages," Caroline, who preferred to be called Caz, said an hour into their get together. From the moment Joey introduced them to Kate, she'd noticed how easy they were around each other.

I held my breath, trying to think of a way to reply when Joey beat me to it. "Kate and I just clicked, you know how that is," she said with a knowing smile to her two friends across the table, who'd once told her how they knew from the moment they met, they'd be together.

"That's a bit different though," Kym pointed out. "Caz and I fell in love, you two are just friends."

"So," Joey responded. "I don't think it matters if you're a couple or just friends, there are just times when there is something about another person and you that just goes together."

"True," Kym conceded. She was beyond curious about the gorgeous woman her friend had been keeping from them until now. "So Kate, do you mind if I ask, but is the father in the picture?"

So far, Joey's friends had been wonderful in making me feel welcomed as we talked about this and that, but despite the way they seemed to have steered clear until now of too many personal questions, this was one which I had been expecting at some time and so was prepared. "No he's not and I don't intend for him to be," I stated emphatically. "I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm going through this alone."

"Not alone," Joey interjected. "Kate will have her friends there to help out."

"And we can offer advice for a first time mother if you need it," added Caz.

I smiled at both women. This wasn't her first baby but in a way, it was going to be her first time as a mother, because she'd be raising this baby and not her parents. "Thanks, that's really nice of you."

"Hey, any friend of Joey's is a friend of ours."

It really was amazing how a simple offer of help or friendship could make you feel so much better and less alone. "How did Joey and you guys meet?" I asked. Again, at the way the three women glanced at each other, I was left wondering and a little worried that something had happened to Joey and it seemed her friends were well aware of it and of Joey's reluctance to talk about it to others. It did ease my worry a little to know that whatever it was, it didn't appear that Joey had been alone in dealing with whatever it was. A part of me still hoped I was just making something out of nothing and Joey was just being cautious around me as we started to renew our friendship and her trust in me.

"Just in our travels," Caz replied.

"Yeah, and we liked the little brat so much, that we packed her into our suitcase and brought her with us when we came back here," Kym said with a cheeky grin.

We all chuckled as the brief dark cloud lifted.

"I know you're pregnant and all, but are you gay?"

"Jesus Kym, do you always have to interrogate everyone Joey meets?" Caz said with exasperation, though the fondness for her partner was very evident.

"Yes," she replied matter-of-factly.

"You'll have to forgive my partner," Caz said. "Joey's come to be like a little sister to us, so big sister here can be a tad inquisitive and just a little bit over protective."

"I think it's nice the way she cares so much about Joey," I replied.

"Oh, I like you," Kym said with grin and wiggling eyebrows. "So, are you?"

I chuckled. "I'm not really looking for anyone at the moment," I said ambiguously.

"Well, if you're ever interested, I can hook you up with whatever gender takes your fancy," Kym stated. "And I'll make sure it's someone who has no problem at all with you being a single mum."

"I guess that is something I have to take in to consideration now," I said with a frown.

"In a way, when you're a single mum, a baby is a good barometer of whether a person is right for you or not," Caz said. "If they want nothing to do with babies, then your relationship is unlikely to work but if they love babies, then it has more of a chance of working out."

"It's a good thing I love babies then," piped in Kym.

"A very good thing, because I've always wanted kids and I'm not sure what would have happened to us if Kym had been against the idea."

"That's something we don't have to worry about," Kym said as she leant over and kissed her girlfriend.

I envied them for the relationship they had. It was obvious to anyone who saw them that they were a couple that was deeply in love and devoted to each other. From our conversations, I worked out that they must have gotten together around the same time I had first met Joey and it had me wondering where Joey and I could have been if I'd had the guts back then to seize my future and worked out my commitment issues with her by my side instead of taking so long to look at myself. Would we be as devoted as these two and would we have had a baby? Another baby certainly hadn't been on my radar back then, but who knew how different my life could have been. Seeing Caz and Kym together just highlighted what an awful mistake I had made and what I had lost a chance at having.

"Kate?" Caz said.

Damn it, I had zoned out again but luckily, Joey came to my rescue.

"You'll have to forgive Kate for her lapses," she said kindly. "She has a lot on her mind right now, with the baby and all."

"Oh, I know that feeling well," Caz said with a sympathetic smile.

"So do I," Kym added. "I spent so much of her pregnancy feeling like I was talking to myself."

"That's because you're so boring, she was deliberately ignoring you," teased Joey.

"You cheeky sod," Kym said, tossing a crumpled up napkin at Joey, who batted it back at her and it landed with a wet plop into Caz's glass of wine.

"Children, enough," Caz lightly chided them as she fished out the sodden item. "Just ignore the antics of my less mature companions," she told me. "When they're not embarrassing me, they're actually kind of fun to have around."

"I don't know, but I think there's something rather endearing about them," I replied with a completely straight face while my insides were laughing at the little swordplay Joey and Kym were having with the bread sticks as they played up for Caz's benefit.

Caz rolled her eyes when the tip of a bread stick replaced the napkin in her wine glass. She reached over and snatched the offending breadsticks from both, breaking them into little pieces. "It's a good thing this isn't an exclusive restaurant or we'd be booted out."

"Yes mum," Joey said, her expression of guilt not quite erasing the laughter in her eyes.

"I swear, I have three children at times."

"I promise to show you how much of a woman I am later," promised Kym in a husky voice.

"I'll hold you to that," Caz said before her attention was back on me. "Have you picked out names?" she asked.

"I haven't really given it much thought," I admitted. "It's taken a while to get used to the idea and I still don't know if it's a boy or girl yet."

"Kym can be for either," Kym pointed out.

"Please, one Kym is more than enough," Joey said.

"Dessert anyone?" Caz interjected before they started up again.

"I could eat a couple of those tiramisus I saw at the counter," I said, my hands rubbing my belly.

"Ah, the joys of eating for two," Caz murmured. "I haven't been able to so much as look at certain foods since Remi was born, because I had so much of it during the pregnancy and some of the combinations don't bear thinking of."

"I haven't started craving anything just yet, but I'm sure I will." It was gherkins with peanut butter and vegemite when I was pregnant with Ruby and I really hope it's nothing like that this time. I still can't look at a gherkin without thinking of rushing to the toilet.

"Give me a call if you need a quick trip to the supermarket to meet any cravings," Joey said.

"Thanks Joey."

We ordered our desserts, which I settled for three tiramisus and a promise to walk it off tomorrow and then we talked some more over coffee and tea.

"Caz was my first serious relationship," Kym said. "Before her, most of my relationships were over before they really begun and it always felt like something was missing in them." She stared deeply into her partner's eyes. "I found what was missing as soon as I met Caz." Their lips touched.

"They're always like this," Joey told me. "Completely oblivious to everyone except each other."

"Just you wait Joey," Kym said as she moved away from Caz. "When you find the one, nothing else will matter whenever you gaze into her eyes and see so much love gazing back."

I felt Joey's eyes on me and my heart skipped, but before I could gaze into them, her eyes were back to her friends across the table.

"I'm not sure I will ever find someone like you have."

"There's a Caz for you out there," Kym assured her. "Like Grace, she was a keeper and if given the chance, she could have been the one."

"It wasn't meant to be."

"I know you felt you couldn't stand in the way of her dreams, but that might not be such a problem now."

"Kym, that was supposed to be kept quiet," Caz hissed at her.

"What?" Joey demanded. "Come on, I know now there is something you're keeping from me."

Caz shook her head at her partner. "You're the one with the big mouth, you tell her."

"Grace called me a few days ago."

I heard Joey drawing in a deep breath.

"She's coming home at the end of the month and wanted to know if you were seeing someone. I told her no, because when she called, I didn't think you were but then we found out about you being seen with Kate on more than one occasion and I was going to call Grace back and say that you were seeing someone, but now that we know that you and Kate are only friends and not at all romantically involved, I don't need to call Grace."

"What my girlfriend was saying in her rather long winded and roundabout way," Caz said, "Is that Grace is coming back and she's interested in getting back together with you if that's what you also want."

My heart dropped as I stared at Joey, waiting for her to answer.


	16. Chapter 16

_My heart dropped as I stared at Joey, waiting for her to answer. _Grace was the only other woman Joey's ever really been in love with, so what will she choose to do? I saw the surprise on her face at the news of her ex's impending return and also something I wasn't sure about. I was hoping it was a no way in hell but my heart had a feeling it might be hope. I know I never stood a chance with Joey, but seeing her with someone else was going to be hard, especially when the other woman was someone who not only loved Joey, but also had Joey's love.

Joey let out the breath she'd been holding. "I'm not really sure what I want, I mean, I loved Grace but a fair bit of time has passed since we were last together."

Even longer for us, I thought silently.

"You could meet with her and see if the spark is still there, then decide," suggested Caz.

"I have missed her," admitted Joey and I could hear the confusion in her voice. "And it would be nice to see her again, but at the same time, I don't want to give her any false hope that seeing her again means we'll be getting back together."

"Grace probably has the same concerns. Time apart does change things but it can also make things even stronger when you find your way back to each other."

Joey felt torn. Grace was a woman she loved, though not as deeply as she had loved Charlie, but she loved her nonetheless and probably would have still been with her if Grace had not had to leave for the other side of the world. The return of her ex had changed things though. It had brought up so many old feelings and though she refused to entertain the idea that she and Kate could ever be more than just friends, she loved spending time with her but now, she wondered how Grace's return would affect that. It was all so confusing. Grace was a wonderful woman, who more than anyone, also understood how hard it had been for her to move on with someone new and she had made Joey feel loved and needed, but Kate also made her feel needed and if she was honest, loved, even if it was only friendship. If she got back together with Grace, how would that make Kate feel? Sure, Charlie had obviously moved on with the men in her life, disasters though they were, she had still left her behind, but now, it was Kate who needed her. She was the only person Kate could be herself with and who could understand something of what she was going through.

I wasn't sure what war was being played out in Joey's mind, only that there was a frown marring her beautiful face. "You should give Grace a chance," I found myself telling Joey, as much as it hurt to do so. She broke from her thoughts and stared at me in surprise. "I just think that if you only broke up with her because she was going overseas, then you should definitely see if there is something still there and if there's not, well, at least you will never regret not finding out." I kind of felt bad in hoping that there was no spark left between them when they met again.

Joey seemed to be pondering my words, when a small smile broke out on her face. "You're right, I'd be a fool to not at least meet up with her. Who knows, we may just end up as friends."

Oh please let that be the case, I begged silently, privately dreading the possibility of seeing Joey with another woman.

"But I think I owe it to the both of us to find out one way or the other," Joey said.

"That's great Joey," Kym said enthusiastically.

"Don't go making wedding plans just yet," warned Joey. "Seeing each other again doesn't automatically mean we'll get back together."

"You two were great together and I think you still will be."

Caz shook her head and rolled her eyes at her girlfriend. "Face it Joey, you're not going to dissuade her from wanting what she wants."

"Hey," Kym complained with mock affront. "I just happen to think that what I want, also happens to be what is the absolute best for Joey."  
"I dread the day when Remi brings home her first date to meet her mums," bemoaned Caz, drawing chuckles from all of us.

"Ok, maybe I'm a bit overboard on the Grace Fan Club front, but she was someone who offered Joey honesty, love and respect, which is exactly what Joey deserved after the way that Bitch who broke her heart treated her."

Joey's comforting hand on my knee under the table was like a jolt of electricity. "Kym, can we not go over this again," Joey pleaded with her in a soft voice, her hand still on my knee.

"Shit, I'm sorry Joey. I just get so angry at people who say they love someone and then rip out their heart." She shrugged, "I'll just never understand how anyone could hurt a person like that, especially when it's someone as lovely as Joey."

Caz laid her hand gently on her girlfriend's arm. "Not everyone who cheats is a bad person," she reasoned. "Sometimes they're just a person, who for whatever reason, make a terrible mistake and it's something they have to live with as well, now, let's move on to something more pleasant."

Caz was right, it was a terrible mistake and losing Joey was the ultimate punishment, one I was still living with and if I were in Kym's place, I'd also be angry at anyone who hurt another person as I did Joey, but as much as I agreed with her, I was grateful to Joey and Caz for putting a stop to where the conversation had been heading. I doubt Kym could say anything that I hadn't already said about myself, but I'd really been enjoying the night up to this stage and so would prefer not to be reminded of what a heartless bitch I had been.

As I rejoined the conversation, which had thankfully moved on to Kym regaling them with the antics of their daughter, I realised with a start that Joey's hand was still on my knee. I glanced over at her. She was smiling and listening intently to the tales of her goddaughter and was apparently oblivious to where her hand was. I could say something or move my leg, but her touch was so calming and wonderful, I did neither.


	17. Chapter 17

Two hours later and we were finally calling it a night. Joey's hand had long ago left my leg and I still don't think she'd even been aware of how long she'd left it on my leg, not that I was complaining. After being alone for so many months, I had welcomed the physical contact, especially with it coming from Joey.

"You're a lucky woman, Kate," Caz said to me as Joey and Kym took our money and went over to the counter to settle the bill. "I know Joey said you guys just clicked when you met, but she's not one to let people get close to her this quickly, so I think she must have seen something in you to have let you in like she has."

"I'm not sure what she saw," I replied. I could hardly say that I'm the horrible ex and Joey and I are working on renewing our old friendship.

"Maybe a lost soul who needed a friend," she said.

"I have been rather lost at times," I murmured.

"We all have and Joey probably saw a kindred spirit in you."

"She really is quite a special woman."

"That she is."

"And I'm glad she's got friends like you and Kym." I still really wanted to know how they came to meet and become friends, but I doubt Caz would tell me even if I was game enough to ask. It was something I would have to wait for Joey to reveal to me.

"We feel the same about Joey and don't mind Kym and her odd rants too much. Her heart is always in the right place, it's just that her mouth sometimes gets in the way."

I grinned. Despite her anti-Charlie stance, I actually liked Kym quite a lot; she was funny, kind, caring and clearly devoted to her girlfriend and daughter and she seemed the type of friend who would always stand by you and look out for you, just like she had been with Joey.

"We really must do this again," Caz said. "Only we should invite more of our friends for you to meet."

"If it's all the same, I'm not really big on being around a lot of people right now."

"That's ok, it can just be the four of us, or five if Grace and Joey get back together."

"Were they really good together?" I find myself asking.

She nodded. "Since I've known Joey, Grace is the only woman who I could actually see her settling down long term with, but unlike Kym, it didn't really come as a surprise to me when Joey let her go. Joey loved her but I think there was still something keeping her from moving on entirely."

"Her ex?" I felt a bit guilty asking like this.

"I think so. You never forget your first love and despite the heartache that Charlie woman caused her, she will always mean something to Joey but I guess with the way they broke up, it has made it hard for Joey to move on. It was only when Grace came along, that I finally started to see Joey beginning to move past the hurt of that old betrayal and losing the woman she loved and you know what, if the offer to go overseas had come a bit later into their relationship, then I truly believe Joey would have gone with Grace instead of letting her go. Unfortunately, it came at a time when Joey hadn't completely let go of the past, otherwise," she shrugged. "Who knows how different things could have been for them."

I may only be a part of Joey's life in a friendship capacity, but I'd rather have that than no part at all, so all I could think, a little bit selfishly, was thank god the offer came early and Joey never left, because then I'd never have found her again. "Do you think they'll get back together?"

Caz shrugged again. "I guess it depends on if what they had before is still there." She smiled at me. "Are you sure you're not in the market for someone yourself, because Joey and Kym aren't the only ones who know potential suitors for you."

"I really am fine being single for the moment."

"I hope you don't let being pregnant or being a single mum become a barrier to romance though."

"It's not that, well maybe a little, but with everything going on in my life at the moment, romance is the furthest thing from my mind." Unless it was with a certain gorgeous woman who was smiling at me from across the room, I said to myself, convinced that smile of Joey's and those eyes of hers could melt the hardest of hearts.

"I can understand that and both Kym and I meant what we said earlier, any friend of Joey's is a friend of ours, so if you ever need anything or advice with the baby, just give us a call."

"That really is kind of you."

"Well us women need to stick together."

"Women, what women?" asked Kym as she and Joey rejoined them.

"The nosey kind," quipped Caz. "I was just telling Kate that us women need to stick together."

"Damn right we do. So, where to now?"

"Home for me," I said.

"And me," said Joey. "After I walk Kate home."

"Then I guess it's just me and you and the nightclub, babe," she said, putting her arm around Caz.

"And the baby. We really should be getting home as well."

Pouting, Kym complained about what happened to sticking together.

"I don't think that applies to nightclubbing."

"It should," she muttered.

"Weren't you meant to be showing me just how much of a woman you are?" Caz reminded her.

"Oh yeah," Kym replied with a leer to her. "It was lovely meeting you Kate, we should do this again, bye." With that quick goodbye, she grabbed her girlfriend's hand and pulled her toward the exit. Caz waved back at them as she willingly let herself be led away.

Joey shook her head. "I'm surprised they ever leave the house."

I chuckled and hooked my arm through Joey's when she put it out for me and we followed them out the door at a much more leisurely pace.

* * *

Despite the late hour, we didn't rush the walk home, nor did we talk all that much. There was just a comfortable silence between us until we reached my front door and Joey pulled away from me.

"Thanks for introducing me to your friends, Joey, I had a great time."

"So did I, though I kept thinking I'd slip up or something, but it ended up going a lot smoother than I expected."

"Yeah it did." Maybe it was just Joey's constant presence by my side, but tonight was the first time since I'd arrived in this town that I'd felt so relaxed around others, besides when I was alone with her. I also felt like I'd passed a test tonight. Even though I knew Joey wouldn't ditch me if her friends hadn't liked me, I found that I had wanted them to like me, as if it was proof I was a different person to who I once was, because I doubt they'd have been so welcoming to me if they'd known who I really was. "Your friends are lovely people."

"They're the best. Well, I should be going home." She leant in and kissed my cheek. "Goodnight Kate," she said, before kissing the tips of two of her fingers and pressing them to my tummy. "Night Little One, I'll see you both tomorrow."

"Night," I murmured while my heart raced and my skin tingled where her lips had touched. I ran my fingertips over the spot as I watched her walk away from me and possibly toward another woman she loved. As the ex who was still in love with her, advising her to see where things stood with Grace probably wasn't my smartest move and I may live to regret it myself, but as a friend and woman trying to be a better person, I think it was the right thing to do. For the past week, Joey has been the most amazing friend to me with the support and understanding she's given to me and I owe it to her to set aside any of my own selfishness and jealousy, so I could be there for her in the same way she's been there for me. At the end of the day, I wanted Joey in my life and I wanted her to be happy and if Grace was the woman to make her happy, then I'd support Joey in that and find a way to live with it. As soon as Joey was out of sight, I stepped inside and closed the door.


	18. Chapter 18

I glanced at the clock opposite my desk at work. Any minute now, Joey would be meeting with Grace and even though in the past couple of weeks since I'd learnt of that impending doom, oops enough of that, I gently chided myself, before I continued on with my thoughts. In the past couple of weeks since I'd learnt of the impending return of Joey's ex, I'd continued to encourage her to go ahead with seeing Grace again, despite it being particularly difficult on my part. And in that time, Joey and I'd grown closer as we kept to our routine of meeting after work and walking home together, which probably made it even harder to think of her spending time with another. It was selfish, I know, but I rather liked the amount of time we spent together, though I did feel a bit guilty about monopolising so much of it, which was why I made an effort to tell Joey that she didn't have to drop everything to help me ease the cravings that had started up in the last week or so. No matter how many times I said it to her though, it just seemed to fall on deaf ears. Ok, it might be a bit more effective if I just stopped telling her about my latest cravings but I couldn't help it. I loved having any sort of contact with Joey, even if it was just a chat on the phone.

Joey wasn't the only one I'd grown closer to lately. Friday nights and Sunday afternoons had become a regular get together with Caz and Kym. They were fun times where we all could relax and I found I could be Kate around them with little effort, which was definitely a good thing, not just for my ease of mind, but because of Kym's obvious loathing for the old me. At least since our first meeting I had only been treated to one more instance of her view on the Bitch and it really wasn't flattering. I could hardly fault her though, as there was a lot of truth in what Kym had said, but it left me being extremely grateful they only knew me as Kate, because I'd come to really like both women and enjoy our time together. They'd made me feel so welcome in their home and their daughter seemed to like me as well, always settling down as soon as I held her in my arms. That experience always brought a flood of emotions and memories of Ruby's birth though and it made me miss her even more. I was so lucky that Joey was there by my side each time or I may have fallen to pieces.

I smiled at the next memory, that of Joey holding her goddaughter. She always looked so adorable with a baby in her arms and ever since then, I kept picturing her with my baby. With Joey's pledge of support, I knew that day would come. She really was the best friend a person could have and I so wished it could be more than just friendship, which was why part of me was hoping her meeting with Grace didn't go well. It really was a rather difficult situation I found myself in, as I wanted the best for Joey but in wanting that, it meant that I would be left on the outer in the romance stakes, not that I believed I had a realistic chance of winning Joey back in that way.

"Kate, why don't you take an early lunch," my boss suggested. "You look like you could do with some fresh air."

"I'm sorry," I said, as I dragged my thoughts back to the office where I was supposed to be typing a letter. "I'm just having a hard time concentrating today," which was hardly surprising, because between my hormones and the knowledge that Joey was about to be meeting with her ex, I was an emotional mess today.

"It's ok Kate and I understand that there might be times when you're going to be up and down during your pregnancy, so I want you to tell me if you need a break and I'll have someone else cover your workload."

"I will and thanks for putting up with me."

"You're a good worker Kate and you're not the first pregnant woman I've had to make concessions for, so don't be afraid to speak up or to ask one of the others for help," he said. "They've been through this before with themselves or other colleagues, so they understand they may need to cover for you at times and we're a team here, there to help each other out when needed."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a wonderful boss?"

"No, but feel free to put my name in for boss of the year," he joked. "Go on, get out of here and I don't want you back here for the next hour or two."

"Thanks boss."

Needing no further prodding, I grabbed my bag and hurried out the door, lest he change his mind. I had a destination in mind, one which probably wasn't a good idea, but I couldn't change direction now that I'd started on it.

* * *

Joey was a bundle of nerves as she walked into the café. A couple of times, she'd almost piked at the last second, before telling herself she needed to do this, for both hers and Grace's sake. She looked around the café, her eyes immediately finding Grace, who stepped forward and enveloped her in a big bear hug before she could even greet her.

"I've missed you Joey," Grace said huskily.

"I've missed you to," and she had. Joey still wasn't sure where things would go, her mind a mass of confusion right now but now that she was here, she was glad she'd come.

"I heard Kym blabbed about my return."

"You should know better than to tell her something if you want it kept a secret."

"Call it a moment of insanity," Grace said with a chuckle. She stood back at arms length and admired Joey. "You're looking as beautiful as ever."

"So are you."

They stood there staring into each other's eyes, until Grace was the first to break the spell. "Shall we find a table and order?"

"I'd like that."

Once they'd placed their order, they sat silently at the table. To Joey's surprise, she sensed that Grace was as nervous as she was. "How have you been?" Joey asked to try to get things moving.

"Aside from the jet lag, I feel great, especially now that I'm back home. Don't get me wrong, I loved it over there, but there's just nothing like being home."

"I thought you were going to be staying over there longer than this."

"The training finished early and there wasn't really much to keep me over there."

"I hope you didn't spend the whole time training and studying," Joey said.

"It was pretty full on most of the time, but I made sure I had some fun and saw the sights, even tried a bit of dating, which didn't really work out. None of them ever got me like you did and I didn't see the point of starting anything serious when I was going to be coming home eventually. What about you?"

"Work is fine, so is life, but not much luck in the dating stakes," Joey replied, thinking it was more a lack of interest on her part than luck in the dating stakes.

Grace smiled wryly when they fell into another silence. "This is a bit weird, isn't it?"

"A little," agreed Joey. "I'm not quite sure why though."

"I think this is the moment of awkwardness when exes meet up again after some time apart and try to figure out where they stand with each other."

"Any answers to that?"

"I'm not going to lie to you Joey, I've never stopped loving you and would love for us to get back together, but I'm also aware that over half a year has passed and that things may have changed in that time, so I understand if you don't want the same as I do."

Joey searched her heart. She still felt something for Grace, she couldn't deny that, but she wasn't sure if the spark was still there. Then there was the other face that intruded more and more in her thoughts these days. She pushed that out of the way and focussed on Grace, a woman she cared for and also didn't want to hurt or lead on in anyway, especially if she wasn't certain of the strength of her own feelings toward her.

"I'm really not expecting anything Joey, it's just that I couldn't come back home and not see if there was still a chance for us, before I start my new job in Melbourne at the end of the year," she explained when the woman across from her remained silent.

Melbourne was only an hour away, Joey thought, so she wouldn't have to follow her there nor would they have to break up again if they did get back together.

"Grace, I'm just not sure about us right now," Joey finally said. "Because things do feel different between us."

"I get that, I really do." She smiled then and it was the smile that usually made Joey weak at the knees and it was no different now. "How about instead of picking up from where we left off, we try this from the start?"

"What do you mean?"

Grace held out her hand to her. "Hi, I'm Grace Wilde and you my dear, are the most beautiful girl in the room and I'd love to take you out for tea tonight."

"That wasn't anything like how we met," Joey said with a chuckle.

"I'm trying for something a little different. If you want to say no, I'll understand, but I really hope you will join me for tea tonight."

* * *

I paused outside the café and stared through the window. "Shit, she's beautiful," I muttered. And Grace was beautiful. Even from the other side of the window, I could see that she had an aura of confidence and beauty around her that would make her a sure fire hit in the movies. And she only had eyes for Joey. I couldn't see Joey's face from where I was standing, but I imagined her returning that killer smile.

* * *

"One date Joey, for old time's sake," she pleaded with her most pathetically appealing expression.

Joey smiled back at her, unable to resist any longer. "One date," she agreed.

* * *

This was a mistake, I told myself, wishing I hadn't walked inside as I overheard Joey agreeing to the date. I had encouraged her to see Grace and now, it looked like my encouragement was paying off, at least for Grace. I turned away.


	19. Chapter 19

"One date," Joey repeated. "And no promises."

"Agreed and if it turns out that it's just not there between us anymore, then I'm happy to keep it at just being friends, because I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all." And there was always the possibility that it could develop into something more later on, Grace added silently. She still hadn't decided if she would move or commute for work and the decision might depend on how things go with Joey.

A figure walking toward the door of the café caught Joey's attention. "Kate!" she called out and I paused in my attempted flight. Cursing softly, I plastered a smile onto my face and turned back around and walked over to their table.

"Hey Joey," I greeted her warmly. "I saw you sitting there but I didn't want to interrupt."

"It's ok." Joey turned to the other woman present. "Grace, this is Kate, a very good friend of mine."

"Nice to meet you Kate."

"You too and it's nice to finally put a face to the name," I said, shaking the hand she proffered.

"Joey talked about me, did she?" Grace said.

"Actually, Kate encouraged me when I was a bit confused over whether I should come or not."

"Then thank you Kate," she said with a smile to me. She really was beautiful, I thought, especially when she smiled like that. "Why don't you join us?"

"I'd love to," I lied. "But I really need to be getting back to work." It had been hard to concentrate before, so after seeing how good they looked together, I had no idea how I was going to cope when I got back to work, but I'd have to find a way to deal with this, because I could be seeing Joey with Grace a lot.

"Are you ok Kate?" asked Joey. "You just seem a bit distracted."

"Yeah, it's just been one of those days where my concentration is all over the place."

"Are you sure you can't join us?" Joey said. "Even for a quick drink?"

She just had to smile at me then, so against my better judgement, I made a show of glancing at my watch, before answering. "I do have a bit of time left before I have to be back at work, so I think I can squeeze in a quick drink."

"That's great."

I had no idea what in the hell I was thinking of in agreeing to this as I took the seat Joey offered me.

* * *

By the time I returned to the office, I was feeling both better and worse. Worse because Grace was a really nice woman so it was no wonder Joey was attracted to her and better because Grace was a really nice woman who would treat Joey right and that's what I wanted for her. Of course, I'd prefer to be the woman treating Joey right, but that's not going to happen, so I had to settle for someone like Grace being that person for Joey.

I almost groaned because I had really liked Grace when I had wanted to find some fault or some small thing to dislike about her so I wouldn't feel bad for the times when I wished they'd fail as a couple. You want Joey happy, I reminded myself. I rolled my eyes. Being a good friend in wanting the best for her really was tough at times.

Going by the bemused look on my boss' face, I think he realised the fresh air didn't do much good, so I forced myself to push thoughts of Joey aside and concentrate on my work as I sat behind my desk.

* * *

Joey felt much more relaxed with Grace as the evening wore on. She'd always had a good time when she was with her and tonight had been no different, the time just flying by. Now, leaving the restaurant and walking to their cars, she frowned when she caught Grace smiling bemusedly at her. "What?" she queried.

"Joey, do you realise that you have just spent most of the evening talking about another woman?"

"I have?"

"Yeah and if we'd still been a couple, I might have been pissed but at least now, I think that we've found the reason why you've been so unsure about us."

"We have?"

"Oh, Joey, don't ever change," she said with a chuckle at her confusion. "Joey, as much as I want us to get back together, it's just not going to work, especially since you've found someone new."

Joey looked at her in confusion still. "New?"

"Kate," she said simply.

"We're just friends."

"Maybe you don't even realise it, but going by the way you talked about her tonight, it's more than just friendship you want from her."

Joey stared at her feet. "I think that maybe I've been trying to deny my feelings," she finally admitted.

"Why?"

Because she didn't know if she could risk her heart again with her after Charlie had hurt her, first with Hugo, then by moving on so quickly with Angelo is what Joey wanted to say, but couldn't, so instead, she said that she didn't think Kate was interested in wanting the same.

"Joey, I think you might find that it's a mutual attraction."

Joey shook her head in denial. More than once Kate had mentioned she would be open to the idea of dating women, but Joey had yet to let herself completely believe in her words.

"I know I only just met her today, but I thought I detected the odd flicker of jealously when she joined us at the table and I think that was the real reason she tried sneaking out without you seeing her rather than joining us."

In spite of her doubts about risking her heart again, Joey couldn't help but feel buoyed by Grace's words. "I'm sorry if I led you on today."

"You didn't lead me on at all, Joey. You made it clear from the start you weren't sure about us and while I'm sorry things haven't worked out, I kind of expected it when I made the choice to follow my career and leave you behind."

"I could have gone with you."

"I couldn't have expected that of you back then, just like you said you couldn't stand in the way of me following my dream. Let's face it, we weren't meant to be, though I think I might end up always loving you a little," Grace said.

"You will always be special to me Grace."

"Just not enough," she smiled a little sadly. "But I can't stand in the way of your heart and so." Grace raised her hand and gently caressed Joey's cheek, her thumb wiping away an errant tear. "I want you to do something for me."

A lump formed in Joey's throat at the tenderness in Grace's eyes and voice and she could only nod.

"Go to Kate and if she turns out to be the one, then find lasting happiness with her, because that's all I've ever wanted for you." She leant in and pressed her lips softly to Joey's. "And don't feel bad for me," she whispered. "If we were meant to be, then a half year apart wouldn't have mattered. Goodbye Joey."

"You're leaving?" she said in a slightly panicked voice.

"I'm just going home Joey," Grace replied with a chuckle. "So there's no need to worry, because you will see me again, as a friend."

"I'd like that."

"Give me some time though Joey, just so I can get used to the idea of you with another woman."

Joey could only nod again as Grace said her goodbyes once more before leaving. She wiped away her tears as they started to fall more freely. She may not have loved Grace as much as she once did, but she still had love for her and cared for her and so she hated seeing her sad.

* * *

Yawning from being woken up by the loud knocking on the door after I'd nodded off while watching TV, I wondered who it could be this late in the night as I opened the door and to my very pleasant delight, found Joey standing there.

"I don't even know why I'm here," Joey said as she stepped inside without me even inviting her in, not that I would have denied her entry. "Yes I do, but it's probably a bad idea," she rambled on.

I found her flustered state rather adorable but I was now dying of curiosity as to why she was here so late when last I'd heard, Joey was on a date with Grace, so I grabbed her gently by the shoulders to stop her pacing. "Joey, what is it?"

"Grace and I are over for good."

My heart did a little happy dance but I made sure I kept my expression neutral. "I'm sorry to hear that." Yeah, right, I said to myself. I shouldn't be happy as it seemed to have thrown Joey through a loop or something, I wasn't quite sure, because Joey's behaviour was confusing me somewhat.

"Considering I wasn't even sure about meeting with Grace, I guess it's not that surprising it's ended like this."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I still wasn't sure what was going on with Joey, I'd never really seen her like this before.

Joey stared at the woman in front of her. She really was a different person to the woman who had torn her heart out, but could she really risk it again? Then Kate smiled at her and while Grace's smile always made her weak in the knees, so did Kate's, only it also made her heart thud hard against her chest. "Oh fuck it!" she blurted out.

I barely had time to register Joey's rather surprising outburst before her lips were on mine and the world around us stopped as we danced in slow motion to romantic music while the birds chirped merrily and oh boy, my mind and heart were doing all sorts of weird and wonderful things right now as I melted against her.


	20. Chapter 20

I have no idea what happened in the next few minutes or it could even have been an hour for all I knew, as I lost track of everything except having Joey back in my arms, her lips on mine again and all the wonderful feelings that brought with it and it wasn't until my mind eventually returned to reality, that I realised we'd somehow made our way over to the couch, where we were now lying facing each other.

I couldn't help but keep touching her face with my fingertips and lips, just to make sure she wasn't a dream.

She must have realised what I was doing, because she smiled at me and grabbed my hand, bringing it to her lips. "I'm real Kate."

"I was half afraid it might be a dream as I've wanted this for so long."

"You have?"

I nodded. "I never wanted to lose you the first time Joey, but I wasn't strong enough to fight for you and then when you came back into my life, all the feelings I had for you were still there and I wanted you back," I told her. "But after the way I hurt you, I didn't think I ever stood a chance of us being anything more than just friends and because I was just so happy to have you in my life again, I made the decision to be there for you in any way I could, as a friend."

"So even though you wanted me and you knew there was a chance I'd renew things with Grace, you still pushed me toward her."

"I want the best for you Joey and if that was Grace, then I certainly wasn't going to stand in the way of your happiness."

She caressed my face. "You've become quite a remarkable friend, putting your own feelings aside for what you thought was best for me." She moved forward, her lips touching mine again. I moaned in bliss. I loved her lips on mine, their softness, the way her breasts brushed against mine, the way, oh god, I really just loved everything about her right at this moment.

* * *

"I could do this all night," Joey murmured against my lips a short time later. "But I need to be getting home."

I didn't even try to stop the groan of disappointment from escaping my lips.

Joey chuckled. "We both have work tomorrow."

"We could always chuck a sickie," I suggested, half in jest.

"Kate, I want us to work this time," she said in a serious tone. "So do you mind if we go slow, because we just rushed into things the first time and I think that was half our problem."

"We can go whatever pace you want us to," I said to her. "If this is what you really want."

"It is," she assured me. "Kate, even though it took Grace to make me face up to what I had been denying to myself, now that I have, I know that I'm now willing to risk my heart and soul for you."

I raised my hand to her cheek. "I'll protect both your heart and soul Joey, because it's the most precious gift anyone has ever given to me and I will never hurt you again." We kissed and this time when our lips touched, I felt a certainty inside of me that told me that Joey was my forever. "I love you so much Joey," I said, kissing her again.

"I love you too."

"And your ex-girlfriend was the one who made you realise that?"

Joey smiled sheepishly at me. "Apparently I spent most of our date talking about you."

My heart skipped with joy, though I did feel bad for Grace. I knew what it was like to lose Joey so I could only imagine how she was feeling right now. "Joey, how do you feel about Grace?" I asked quietly.

"I do still love her," she stated simply. "But it's not as strong as it once was and," she gazed into my eyes. "There's only one woman who has ever set my heart truly alive and I'm here in her arms right now." It surprised me that I didn't feel the least bit jealous when Joey said she still loved Grace, because I saw in her eyes, and heard in her voice, that I held her heart. "All Grace has ever wanted was for me to be happy, which is why I'm here now, but I'm just sorry I left her feeling sad."

"I only met her today, but from the way I've heard you and the others speak about her in the past couple of weeks, she sounds like a wonderful woman and I'm sure she'll find someone new."

"I hope so, because you're right, she is a wonderful woman and I want her to be as happy as I am." She looked down at our joined hands before catching my eyes again. "Grace needs a bit of time, but we both want to stay friends, I just don't want you to."

I stopped her with my fingertip to her lips. "Joey, I don't have a problem with you wanting to be friends with Grace."

"You don't mind having my ex around?"

"I'd be lying if I didn't think it might be a bit awkward between us to start with, but it sounds like you have both realised that what you once had is now gone and so I don't think it's going to be a problem once we get past the early awkwardness."

"It was pretty much gone the moment you walked back into my life," Joey admitted. "I've never really stopped loving you, but I had to push it aside so I could move on, then there you were again, back in my life and with you, so were the old feelings, only I tried to deny that I wanted more than friendship, because until tonight, I just wasn't ready to take that chance."

"Well, I am so very happy that you did take a chance."

"Yeah, nothing like an 'oh fuck it', right?" she said with a big grin. "Not the most romantic gesture I've ever made."

"Believe me Joey, the kiss that followed made those words the most wonderful I'd ever heard."

"What about the words, I love you?"

"They're wonderful as well and I love you too." We kissed yet again.

"I really should be going," Joey murmured, our lips touching again, then again as our kisses grew longer and deeper and we lost ourselves in each other.

* * *

It was really late by the time we finally moved from the couch and into the bedroom. We didn't have sex, because we were intent on taking things slowly this time, so we just held each other through the night and it was the most wonderful feeling to wake the next morning with Joey pressed against my back, her arm draped casually over my hip. She'd settled for wearing one of my nighties and it was rather thin, so in the coolish morning air, I could feel her nipples hard against my back. I wished they were hard from desire and not the cool, but I loved the reminder of what it was like to be with a woman. Her scent, the softness of her body, except for those two delicious peaks I used to love to and I stopped myself before I got too worked up. With the way a simple touch from her set my heart racing, I suspect that taking things slowly might drive me slightly crazy from frustration, but I didn't really care; I had Joey back in my bed, even if it was only because I'd talked her into staying because it had gotten so late last night, it didn't really matter, because I was still deliriously happy.

"Mmhm," Joey mumbled in my ear and wriggled against me in her sleep.

I nearly groaned aloud when I felt her nipples rub back and forth a couple of times against my back as she moved and her arm tightened across me. I'm surprised she didn't wake up with how loud and fast my heart was currently beating. I glanced at the clock on the side table. Because of Joey's impromptu stay over, I'd set the alarm earlier than usual so she'd have time to go home and get ready for work, which meant, going by the current time, I had twenty minutes left to enjoy having Joey wrapped around me. Smiling happily as her arm moved higher and was now resting just below my breasts, I closed my eyes and just let myself relax against her.


	21. Chapter 21

I could see the amused expressions on my fellow workers faces when I practically skipped into the office later that morning.

"Must be one of those up moments," I heard my boss mutter as I swanned past him on the way to my desk and he was right, I felt so incredibly high at the moment.

The start of the day had just been the best ever, from the way Joey's hand had ended up cupping my breast in her sleep, to the adorably sleepy expression on her face when I rolled over just as she woke, to the smile that graced her lips when she saw me lying next to her and to the way we'd greeted each other with a long, sensual kiss before the alarm had sounded. Then there was the way we'd shyly dressed in front of each other, before breakfast, where I think we spent more time with our lips stuck together than actually eating anything and neither of us cared, because we couldn't seem to get enough of each other.

It was so different to the first time we were together, probably as there were no outside pressures making me doubt or want to hide our love for each other, so for the first time in a very long time, I could be in a relationship where I was free to love without sneaking around or caring what anyone else thought and come tonight, I fully intended to let the world see that we were a couple in love and to show Joey just how far I had come by taking her out on a date. I'd already booked the restaurant and had thought of little else since Joey had left to get ready for work at her own place.

I was so looking forward to tonight, to spending the evening wining and dining the woman I loved and just being with her. Before my mind wandered too far though, I reminded myself that I was here to work and Joey would still be there later, so I turned on the computer. "Oops," I muttered, realising I had just turned it off as I must have already turned it on as soon as I had sat down. If the rest of my workday was going to be like this, I wasn't going to get a whole lot done and it was going to feel like forever before I next saw Joey.

* * *

While she didn't skip into work like Kate had, Joey was still grinning like a fool when she put her stuff into her work locker. This time yesterday, she was nervous because she'd be seeing Grace a little later on and now, she was happy, because she'd set her doubts aside and just gone for it heart first with Kate and it felt wonderful, especially to wake up once more with her. As much as she wanted to go slower this time, she couldn't deny the arousal she'd felt every time they kissed.

She nearly jumped when her mobile started blaring loudly.

"So?" demanded Kym the moment Joey answered the phone.

"So, what?"

"You know what."

"I have no idea about what," Joey said with a grin, even though Kym couldn't see her.

"How did it go with Grace, smart arse?"

"It went ok."

"Just ok?"

"We decided to be friends only."

"Damn, I was kinda hoping you'd have joined Caz and me in couplesville."

"Oh, I have," Joey very casually said.

"Huh?"

Joey was enjoying this. "I have a girlfriend." She loved the way the word sounded as she held the phone away from her ear during Kym's rather boisterous response. When it quietened down, she put the phone to her ear again. "Yeah, last night, I realised my heart was elsewhere."

"Ouch for Grace."

"She understood and was the one who pointed it out to me."

"In that case, I'm guessing Kate is where your heart now lies."

"Very much so."

"Can't say I'm all that surprised, because I always figured that there was more than just friendship between the two of you."

"So you're not pissed it didn't work out with Grace?"

"Of course not. Don't get me wrong, I really like Grace and I thought you two were great together and could have been great together again, but Kate is lovely too and as long as she makes you happy, then I don't really care who you're with. "

"I am happy," Joey replied, as she wondered how her friend would feel if she knew her girlfriend was actually the Bitch.

"I'm glad and I think you're going to make a great little family together."

Joey's eyes widened as that sunk in. With everything else going on, she hadn't even thought about that part. Being godmother and honorary aunt was very different to being a parent as that came with much more responsibility.

"Earth to Joey," Kym's voice cut through her thoughts.

"Sorry, I just had an 'oh shit' moment about being a step-mum."

"You'll be great at it Joey."

"I hope so."

* * *

Since Joey wasn't able to get away for lunch today, I walked into our usual café alone and bumped straight into Grace, who didn't seem all that pleased to see me. I knew I'd have to see her eventually, especially as she and Joey were intending to stay friends, but I'd been hoping our first encounter wouldn't be quite so soon.

"Going by the glow of happiness around you, I guess I don't have to ask if Joey came by your place last night," Grace said to me and I had no idea what to say. I was incredibly happy, yet my happiness came at this woman's expense and as someone who had also lost Joey, I knew how painful it could be. "It's ok, I don't hate you," she said, seemingly picking up on my nervousness around her. "Though I probably should, except I had my chance with Joey, but chose to follow my career and I can hardly blame you for steeping in, I mean, who wouldn't fall for Joey."

"She is kind of amazing," I finally said.

"That she is." She sighed and looked over my shoulder at something before catching my eyes. "All the flight home I thought of what it would be like to be with Joey again, but I also knew there was a chance that it wasn't going to work out and while I could have fought harder for us instead of pointing out the obvious to her, as much as I want Joey, I realised I'm not the one she wants to be with and I can't be with someone unless I'm the one she truly wants, so I stepped aside because it was the right thing to do, but," she stepped closer to me and I struggled not to move a step backward. "You'd better treat her right, because I want Joey to be happy and there will be hell to pay if you hurt her."

"I'm not going to hurt her." I barely stopped myself from saying, 'again'.

She was watching me so closely that I tried not to squirm under her intense gaze. "There is something about you," she murmured and it almost felt like she was trying to pry into mind to see the truth, before she seemed to shake whatever she was thinking from her own mind. "Just look after her."

"I will and you don't have to worry Grace, I love Joey," I assured her. "And I'm going to do whatever I can to make her happy."

She nodded, then pointed to my belly. "The father isn't going to cause a problem, is he?"

I started at the question and my hands flew straight to my stomach. "He's well out of the picture."

My answer seemed to satisfy her and she stepped back. "I'm going to be honest with you. I wanted Joey back, so it's not going to be easy to see her walking around with some other woman, but I also don't want to lose her friendship."

"Joey told me you both wanted to stay friends and I don't have a problem with that," I said to her. "But since you're being honest with me, I'm going to be honest with you. If I think you're in any way trying to cause problems between us, I won't sit quietly by and let you." This time, I was the one who stepped closer to her. "I'd hate to force Joey to choose between us, though I'm confident I'd win the battle, still, I'd rather she never be forced to make such a decision but at the same time, I won't let anything or anyone come between us, so consider yourself warned," I told her in an even tone. "You can be Joey's friend and you can even tell me whenever you think I'm being a jerk, but don't ever think you can play the friend if your only intention is to manipulate your way between us and turn her against me so you can get back into her bed."

To my surprise, she smiled at me. "That's what I wanted to hear, you fighting for her and you don't have to worry, my intention is only to be a friend, nothing more and," she grinned. "I'll definitely tell you if you're being a jerk."

The tension was broken and I let myself smile back. "I didn't mean to come on heavy, it's just now that I have Joey, I never want to lose her."

"I get that and I really do hope you and Joey can find lasting happiness, because that's all I've ever wanted for Joey."

"I really hope that too and I'm going to do everything I can to assure that it happens."

"Then I don't think we're going to have any problems, but for the moment, I need some space, so if you'll excuse me, I have to get going."

"Bye," I murmured as she hurried away from me. Grace truly cared for Joey and would probably be only too willing to step in and be there for Joey if I fucked it all up again, but because she did want the best for Joey, I felt like I could trust Grace to be there just as a friend. At least I really hoped I could.


	22. Chapter 22

_Hope everyone had a great Christmas._

* * *

I sat down in the café for a quiet lunch after my encounter with Grace, before returning to work, where the rest of the day went agonisingly slow or at least that's how it felt. I got the work done and all, but my mind was most definitely on tonight and the moment the clock had struck 5.30, I was out of the office and on my way home.

Now, an hour later, I was staring at my reflection in the mirror. Soon, I wouldn't be able to wear this dress, I thought as I rested my hands on my belly. I hadn't felt the baby move just yet, but she or he was really starting to make their presence known as my belly started swelling a little more with each passing week and though I'd need to start shopping for maternity clothes soon, it didn't bother me because I wasn't too fussed about how big I ended up getting. Snorting, I rolled my eyes, thinking that might change the more my hormones came into action and again, I wasn't too fussed about that. Because of the way Ruby had been conceived and my age at the time, I never experienced the joys you're supposed to have with pregnancy when I'd been carrying her and even though I also wished for a better father for this baby, I was helping to create a new life which I found exciting and so this time, with Joey by my side, I was determined to enjoy every stage, even the parts that may not be particularly enjoyable. "Like an expanding waistline," I murmured as I turned sideways to view my side profile. Yep, bub was really starting to show now, especially in this dress.

I looked at the clock for what felt like the 100th time in the last twenty minutes. Joey was due any second and my heart was starting to race with every movement of the second hand. I don't think I've ever been so nervous or excited about a simple date before, then again, when it came to past relationships, I usually spent most of the early stages of those relationships sneaking around, so by the time everyone found out about us, we were well past the early dating stage.

"Oh who are you kidding," I gently chided myself. There wasn't an early dating stage as I generally skipped over that and went straight into the fucking stage, so for the first time in a long time, I was going on an actual date that most likely wouldn't end up with us having sex, which was probably part of the reason why I was so nervous, because it was different and not just because we were taking things slowly. I really wanted to show Joey that I wasn't that 'scared to be gay person' anymore and that I was proud to have her by my side and for the world to see us together.

"God I hope I don't fuck this up," I muttered just as there was a knock on the front door. Taking a deep breath, I glanced once more into the mirror. "Here I go."

* * *

At the door, I took another deep breath before swinging it open and I stared in wonder at the vision before me. "Oh wow, you look incredible," I said to Joey. The dress she wore accentuated every curve and set my blood boiling with desire.

"You look pretty incredible yourself," she replied and stepped into my apartment to kiss me. My blood pressure spiked to a whole new level as our kiss deepened. "I've missed you so much," Joey murmured when we finally had to come up for air.

"I missed you too," I told her. We'd woken up sharing a bed only that morning, yet it felt like we'd been apart for days, instead of just hours. It was kind of scary to want someone so much, but it was also wonderful to feel so strongly for another person. "Can I get you a drink before we head to the restaurant?"

"That would be lovely."

I could feel her eyes on me every step of the way as we walked into the small kitchen and I nearly tripped over as I briefly pictured us naked and walking to the bedroom instead. "I'm having a juice, but I can open up a wine if you'd prefer that," I said in a slightly husky voice. I really needed to get my thoughts and emotions under control before I embarrassed myself. "It's non-alcoholic though."

"The juice will be fine," she said. "We can keep the wine for another time."

I murmured appreciatively when she stepped behind me and hugged me as I poured our drinks. "Do that again and the juice will end up everywhere," I warned her when her lips touched my bare shoulder.

Joey chuckled and it felt like she was vibrating against my back. With her hands already like fire on my rounding belly, I was having a difficult time concentrating on the simple task of pouring juice. I'd only just finished pouring when I heard her gasp.

"Oh my god!" Joey said and I didn't need to see her face to know it mirrored the wonder that was on mine. Only a short time ago, I was saying I hadn't felt the baby move, so for her or him to choose that moment, with Joey's hands pressed to my body, to make even the slightest of movements, made it all the more special.

I turned in Joey's arms and we both glanced down at my belly. "That's the first time I felt the baby move," I said with some excitement, so very pleased to have Joey share this first experience with me.

"Do you think the baby will move again?"

"Yes, though I don't know when. As time goes by, the baby will move more regularly, but it is still early days yet so she or he will probably pick whatever times it best suits them."

"Like the middle of the night when you're just about to get to sleep?" she teased lightly.

Chuckling, I nodded. "Most likely."

"It's funny, but I only realised earlier today that being with you is going to make me a step-mum."

"You're not having second thoughts about us, are you?" I asked in a slightly panicky voice. I'd originally planned to have this baby alone because I had no other options, but since Joey walked back into my life, I'd come to see her as part of both mine and the baby's life, even when it was just as a friend and it scared me to think of her not being by my side in some way.

"Of course I'm not having second thoughts about us," she assured me. "It's just that when I first offered to be there for you and the baby, it was as a friend, but things have changed and now since we're more than friends, that means I'm going to be more than just an honorary aunt to your baby," Joey explained. "And I admit, that being a parent and all the responsibility that goes with it, is kind of a scary proposition, but I'm in this with you Kate, because I love you and this baby is a part of you, so I know I'm going to love him or her as well."

Looking into her eyes dispelled any fears I had momentarily had that I'd be alone in this. "Will you still love me when my hormones take control and turn me into a sobbing, needy or grumpy cow or all three at once," I joked, feeling much better now.

"Even then," she replied with a grin. Joey wrapped her arms around me again. "I lost you once and now that I've found you again, I'm not letting go."

My heart was swelling with such joy I thought it might burst and I smiled at her. "You might have to let go if we're to get to the restaurant, unless you'd prefer to eat in." I chuckled when she flushed scarlet red. "My, my," I said in a teasing voice. "Someone has a suggestive mind, because I was only talking about eating food."

Her face went even redder and I thought that she was the most adorable and beautiful sight I'd ever seen.

"Going slow may end up being hazardous to my health," I heard Joey mutter.

* * *

After we drank our juices and made out for a bit on the couch, we finally arrived at the restaurant I'd booked for our big date. It wasn't anything too fancy as I'd decided to choose cosy over extravagant for our first date.

I felt Joey's hand grip mine a little harder as we were escorted to our table. I smiled at her and squeezed her hand back in reassurance, letting her know that I had no intention of taking my hand away from hers as I once may have done. Considering the rather healthy lesbian scene in town, our entrance had only raised a cursory glance or two before they returned to their own dinner companions but even if we'd been stared at or rudely talked about, I wouldn't have let go as being with her felt so right and I realised that I truly didn't care what others thought about us. The important thing was that I was happy and I had the most beautiful woman in the room by my side and if anyone ever had a problem with that, well, that was their problem, not mine. It was a shame I never felt like this the first time around but as Joey keeps telling me, that is in the past and I've been given a second chance at life that I need to seize upon and now that we're together again, I fully intend to do just that.

Joey chuckled softly when I held her chair out for her. I leant down and brushed my lips over hers before taking my own seat, where I promptly knocked over a glass, which was thankfully empty.

"You can relax now Kate."

"I just want everything to go right tonight."

"We're together, that's all that matters."

The smile and warm look in her eyes that she sent my way had the desired effect and I felt the nervousness I'd had about tonight finally start to leave.


	23. Chapter 23

As the night wore on, I relaxed completely as we wined and dined. We talked about everything, including my earlier encounter with Grace. I didn't go into all the details of what Grace and I said to each other, but I did tell Joey that Grace was being a friend and looking out for her and that we just cleared the air. One thing we didn't talk about though, was what Joey had been up to since she'd left the Bay. I got the feeling that she wanted to say something but she just wasn't quite ready yet and that was fine with me as I felt it was only a matter of time now before Joey opened up to me.

I'm not sure I can remember an evening where I was so totally relaxed that I never wanted it to end and come closing time, the both of us were reluctant to break the spell of the evening, but the staff hovering to the side and continually glancing at the clock reminded us that others had a home to get to as well, so now, we were back at my place sipping coffee or in my case, tea. I miss my cuppa coffee but while I was pregnant, I was forgoing alcohol and coffee.

Joey chuckled. "Looks like you're really enjoying that tea," she joked.

Screwing up my nose, I set the cup aside. "The baby is still months away, so to mix things up a bit, I've been trying some of the different flavours of tea."

"I'm guessing that one is a bust."

I nodded. "I've tasted dishwater that was more palatable than this."

"Do I want to know why you've tasted dishwater?"

"Let's just say it was a combination of not enough sleep, too much alcohol and picking up the wrong mug from the wrong place."

Chuckling again, Joey set her own mug down and snuggled up next to me on the couch, where I happily put my arm around her shoulders and she put her head on my shoulder. I loved having her so close that I could smell the faint scent of her shampoo. "I had a great time tonight," Joey said.

"So did I." I leant over and kissed the top of her head. "Because I had the best dinner companion in the world."

Joey smiled up at me. "My dinner companion was rather smashing as well."

We both moved at the same time, our lips meeting in a slow, gentle kiss.

"It's kind of hard to believe we're already in this place when it was only yesterday I was meeting Grace for a night out," Joey said as she settled back on my shoulder.

"Well, it's not like we were strangers or anything and I'm not talking about us having a previous relationship," I said. "This time, we've spent much more time as just friends and really getting to know each other better before we started dating."

"Do you think it might have made a difference last time if we'd started off like this?"

"No," I said without hesitation. "We'd still have had the same problem, which was me. As I've said before, I made a habit out of making one mistake after another when it came to relationships and it's only now, since I've had time to reassess my life, that I finally feel as if I have learnt from the past." I smiled at her, "I love you Joey and now that I have you back by my side, I'm more determined than ever for us to work."

Joey surprised me by straddling my lap and crushing her lips to mine.

"I love you too," she murmured in a slightly breathless voice when we finally came up for air.

I think I might have blacked out with desire if she hadn't stopped just then. She was such an amazing kisser and having her on my lap was testing my strength to the extreme because I really wanted to take her to bed right then and make love to her like there was no tomorrow. "You're going to kill me," I groaned.

"Sorry, I got carried away and I couldn't help myself," Joey said with a wry smile and she slid off my lap.

"I have a feeling this going slow thing may involve the odd getting carried away moment."

"No one has ever made me want someone so much as you do, but I really want this to be different this time and so I don't want to rush into things."

"I want the same thing Joey," I told her and then I grinned cheekily. "Just be careful that I don't explode though, because even a simple look from you makes my heart race."

"Oh god," Joey moaned.

* * *

An hour later, we were still snuggled together on the couch, Joey's hand gently rubbing my belly.

"What is it Joey?" I asked when she'd been quiet for some time.

"I'm just hoping I can be a good second mum to this baby."

"You're going to be a great mum Joey," I assured her. "You're kind, caring and exactly the type of person I want in my child's life and you know what, this is kind of going to be new to me as well, because I was never a mother to baby Ruby."

"You were practically a kid yourself then."

"I know and I wasn't emotionally equipped at the time to deal with everything, but now I am and together, we're going to learn to be mums to this baby."

"Mums," Joey murmured softly. "It's funny, kids had been in my plan for the future but as much as I loved you the first time, I never really pictured having kids with you."

"Truth is, I never pictured myself with kids at all after Ruby, but now I'm really looking forward to this baby's arrival." I sighed and placed my hand next to Joey's on my belly. "I only wish both my children could be here."

"One day, Ruby might be a part of your life again," Joey said.

"Our life," I said to her. "That's what I want sometime in the future, for the four of us to be together as a family."

"Childless to mother of two in the blink of an eye," Joey said with a look that was both terrified and wondrous.

"It's a lot to ask of someone, to be a parent to another's child and it's not too late for you to get out," I said, half in jest and half in fear. It really was asking a lot of Joey and I didn't want her to feel like she had to do it if it wasn't what she really wanted.

"Oh please, it was too late to leave the moment you walked back into my life." Joey sat up straighter and held my hands. "I've been through so much already, not all of it good, but us and the little one," she said, briefly pressing her lips to my hand. "This is good, only it's going to take some time to adjust to it all, especially to the role of parent and considering my less than ideal family life growing up, there may be times of self-doubt on my part."

"I've had those same moments of self-doubt Joey, but then I picture holding my baby in my arms and everything is fine again. And now," I smiled at her. "I picture the baby in your arms and I think that life couldn't get any better."

"You really picture that?"

"And more," I said with a suggestive grin.

"Be good," she warned.

"There are times when being bad is good," I teased and realised we would be in danger of breaking our go slow approach if we continued on like this. "I have the sonogram in a few weeks and I can find out the sex of the baby if I want to," I said, getting back to the baby talk. "But I'm still tossing up whether I want to know now or wait and be surprised."

"Surprises can be good but then knowing means knowing what baby clothes to buy."

"Good point."

"Can I be there when you go for it?"

"Of course you can," I replied. I hadn't realised how nervous I had been about going alone until I felt the relief just then at Joey's request. "Joey, I want you with me every step of the way in this, if that's what you want."

"We're going to be a family, so of course I'll be by your side, Kate."

I cocked my head, sensing there was more when she said my name like she just did. "Joey, is there something else bothering you?"

"Not bothering me really, it's just that the last time we were together, I was calling you Charlie and I know I have to keep calling you Kate even when we're alone just so I don't slip up and say Charlie when others are around, but it's," she shrugged.

"It's weird and confusing at times," I finished for her.

"Yeah, especially now that we're a couple again."

"Believe me, I know how hard it is to get used to, but calling me Kate all the time will help to make it easier to avoid slip ups."

"But what if I call out Charlie when we, you know," she blushed, which made me laugh.

"Not to worry, because I'm pretty sure we'll be alone at the time," I said. "Unless you'd prefer otherwise," I added teasingly.

"Definitely alone."

I glanced over at the wall clock. "Joey, it's gotten really late, so do you want to stay over again?"

* * *

Wearing another borrowed nightshirt, Joey climbed into bed beside me and leant over to brush her lips over mine. "Goodnight sweetheart," she murmured before she then kissed my belly, only not like last time, with a kiss to her finger transfer, but by pressing her lips directly to my belly and oh boy, the feelings that went off in my body at that gentle touch was unbelievable. I wanted her lips all over me and I wanted nothing more than for her to ravish me and make me cry out her name in passion and fuck, I really shouldn't have let my mind go there.

When she settled next to me though and rested her head on my shoulder with her arm across my middle, I felt such a wave of contentment wash over me that I relaxed.

"Goodnight my love," I said and closed my eyes, feeling incredibly happy at how my life was changing for the better.


	24. Chapter 24

**…a few weeks later**

It's a boy!

That's what I pretty much yelled out to the world after the sonogram we had yesterday. Seeing my baby for the first time was an amazing experience and I could tell by the look on Joey's face that she had felt the same. She'd held my hand the entire time and hadn't been able to draw her eyes away from the screen as Caz had pointed out our baby for us. At first, I thought having a friend there as our nurse was going to be a little awkward, but it actually helped add to the intimacy of the moment rather than if we'd had a stranger there.

Both Kym and Caz had been wonderful support lately as my belly started to truly show there was a new life growing and they had become good friends of mine, even letting Joey and I babysit their daughter a couple of times. I loved those evenings, just the two of us and a baby, a nice little preview to what our life was soon to be and seeing Joey with her goddaughter in her arms really made me wish for our little one to hurry up and make an appearance. As good a friends as the four of us had become, there were still the odd moments where I felt bad about lying to Kym and Caz and I knew Joey felt the same, especially as her friends were well aware of just how much her heart had been broken by the Bitch, yet there we were, having a ball and laughing with them while they told me how good I was for Joey. "If only they knew," I murmured. Even though we spent quite a few evenings with Caz and Kym and they maintained a strong friendship with Grace, Joey and I had only seen Grace from a distance as she kept herself apart from us for the moment, but Kym had told us that there was possibly a new lady in her life. I certainly hoped Grace found someone as she really did seem like a lovely person and for purely selfish reasons, I'd prefer her to be with someone by the time she and Joey got their friendship back on track.

I glanced up at the clock and groaned. Joey was still at work and was at least an hour away. It didn't seem to matter how much time we spent together, the moment I was by myself, I wanted to see her again and I was constantly amazed by the strength of my feelings for her. What was even more amazing, was that we still hadn't yet made love, though we'd come close a couple of times. Chuckling to myself, I amended that to pretty much every time we were together. We'd start with a bit of kissing, which would lead to groping, undone buttons and heavy breathing before one of us would finally call a halt. Both of us were struggling with the go-slow approach, but when Joey had explained that part of the reason she wanted to wait, was because she wanted to tell me what happened to her after she left the Bay so that everything was out in the open before we took the next step, then I was happy to wait, however hard it was. I guess my instincts that night had been spot on, that she just wasn't quite ready to open up to me just yet, though I think tonight might be the night or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my hormone's part because I'd become so sexually frustrated I could burst at times and it was so incredibly hard to put a stop to things once they started, especially as both of us wanted each other so much.

I have to admit though, that sexual frustration aside, there is something to be said for not rushing into things. It gave us more time to talk and truly get to know each other and I now felt closer to Joey much more than I'd ever been to anyone outside of my family. Of course, it also gave us more time for kissing and making out, which was rather enjoyable. I never tired of Joey's lips on mine and I was looking forward to those lips soon being on more than just my lips. Feeling my face start to flush as my mind followed Joey's lips downward, I thought it best to think of something else.

"Nope, not that either," I thought as my overactive imagination threatened to make me overheat. I looked around for a distraction and my eyes settled on the picture of Ruby I had next to the TV and I went over and picked it up. I'd recently received an update about her, but not from Mac, who these days, was becoming harder and harder to get a hold of. Knowing I had been growing desperate for news and I was in danger of doing something dumb, Joey had come up with a plan and unlike the last time she made the offer to contact home for me, this time I didn't stop her. She made a call to Leah and let me listen in, with the odd threat to gag me should I say anything during the call.

Joey had completely surprised me as she had spun a tale about trying to get a hold of her brother to sort out some financial matters to do with the family house and so was calling Leah to see if she'd seen him around, before smoothly manoeuvring her around to talking about my death and then onto Ruby. And let's just say I hadn't been happy to hear about her and Romeo, but considering my own less than stellar behaviour when it came to men, I could hardly criticise my daughter for wanting a married man she'd once been in love with, especially as Leah told Joey she believed Ruby's pursuit of Romeo had been more out of her desperate need to love and be loved by someone in her grief more than anything else, but I wish it had been anyone but Romeo. I was still pissed at the way he'd slept with my daughter the first time, then put most of the blame on her while he went crawling back to Indi and it was probably a good thing I was miles away because it sounded like the little shit hadn't changed much. He and Indi had separated and from what Leah said, Romeo was jealous of Indi sniffing around some other guy, so he'd hooked up with Ruby without any regard for the emotionally fragile state she was still in since my death. Hearing my daughter had faked a pregnancy to hold onto a man broke my heart and while Leah didn't go into any more details, it sounded like Ruby had been about to do something even more drastic before realising how wrong it was and had confessed it all to Leah. Whatever it was she had intended to do, I'm just glad that Ruby had stopped herself from going through with it as I sensed it was something she'd have regretting for the rest of her life.

It made me cry when I heard how hard my daughter was still struggling with her loss, but Leah had assured Joey and through her, me, that she was making much more of an effort to be there for Ruby, even having her move back into the house with her and it seemed at least, that Ruby was finally taking the first steps toward healing. Still, I really wished Ruby didn't have to go through any of this and it was times like this that made it so hard to stay away, but I now trusted Leah to be there for her. It also seemed that since Brax was chasing after the new school counsellor, Leah seemed to have lost interest in him, at least romantically and I was happy that Ruby still seemed to blame him for my death and was steering well clear of him and his family all together. Having her far away from that troublemaking crime family was somewhat of a relief, as were Leah's assurances.

Along with Leah's assurances about the support Ruby was now getting, there was another reason to be a bit happier about the situation, or at least as happy as I could be when I was still being kept from my daughter. As much as I was annoyed at Mac's recent attitude in regards to not keeping me updated or even keeping in contact as regularly as he once had, at least he'd made no big deal about me getting a girlfriend, though he'd hit the roof if he ever found out I'd known Joey previously, but now that Joey had made contact with Leah, we had an excuse to keep in regular contact, especially as Leah had made Joey promise she'd keep in proper contact this time. It meant that I was no longer reliant on just Mac for whatever info he chose to tell me and with direct contact with Leah, I'd now get a more personal update about Ruby and just possibly, Ruby would want to speak to Joey so I'd get a chance to hear my daughter's voice again. It was something I looked forward to happening and I had no fears at all that Joey could carefully prise out whatever I wanted, no needed, to know about my daughter to ease my worries, because Joey was a natural when it came to working the conversation to where she wanted it to go. When she'd ended the call to Leah, I'd joked she should be a cop with an interrogation technique like that and she'd looked at me, smirked and said there were other cop techniques she'd like to try on me and let's just say that we both needed a cold shower with the images we conjured up involving handcuffs, sweaty bodies and interesting forms of punishment.

I set the photo aside. Joey's presence and the impending birth made my life wonderful and exciting and the chance of regular updates on Ruby were a relief, but there was still that hole in my heart that couldn't be filled until the day I had Ruby back in my life completely. I still had hope that would someday happen and maybe we'd all even end up back in the Bay, though that last bit seemed unlikely as long as Brax remained free and Jake was alive. I missed my life there, especially my friends and I'd been incredibly disappointed to learn that Liam and Bianca's marriage had failed shortly after their wedding because she was pregnant to Heath, who she was now trying to play happy families with. For all her talk about staying away from that family and their corrupt way of living, she had even less luck than I did, though I wouldn't want to wish the way I escaped on anyone, because as painful as being mixed up with that family was, bullets were even more painful.

"Whoa there," I said as the baby started his latest set of acrobatics. He'd been more active in the past week or so and I loved the feel of him moving and the constant presence of Joey's hand on my tummy. There was just something so intimate and special about it. "I can't wait until I get to hold you little man," I murmured affectionately.

* * *

Two hours later, I was opening the door before Joey even had a chance to knock. Chuckling, Joey stepped in and kissed me. Then she kissed me again. And then again. Have I said before how much l love Joey's lips? Because I was certainly enjoying them right now.

* * *

_Next chapter, Joey opens up to Charlie._


	25. Chapter 25

About twenty minutes and quite a few kisses later, we found ourselves in a now familiar pose; lying in each other's arms on the couch, raining gentle kisses on each other's lips.

Joey drew back a little and took one of my hands in hers. I watched her staring at our joined hands and the thoughtful look that came over her face. I raised our hands to my lips and kissed hers. "Will you tell me now?" I said softly, not needing to elaborate to her about what.

She nodded but took her time before speaking. "My life kind of fell apart after I left the Bay," she said. "I thought I was handling what had happened to me, with the rape and everything else but out there on the boat, with no land in sight, instead of loving it and feeling the serenity out there like I've done my whole life, this time, it just made me feel incredibly alone." Joey sighed as she gathered her thoughts again. "It didn't help that the other guys on board knew Robbo and while they never actually came out and said anything, I felt like the crew were always watching me and sitting in judgement of me, as if I was somehow the one who had wronged Robbo by making it all up."

I wanted to say something, but I sensed Joey needed a moment to be with her own thoughts.

"I couldn't sleep because the whole environment felt toxic and stifling to me and it started to affect my work, to the point that when we finally docked again, the captain strongly hinted that I should stick close to shore from now on. I think he understood what I'd been going through and so was quite nice about everything, he even called in a favour and set up the job for me at the Whitsundays, so I was grateful to him for that. It was a job in a boat shop, so it meant that I could still work with boats but I never had to leave the shore." Joey paused again and closed her eyes.

I could see this was hard for her, so I leant forward and gently brushed my lips against hers. "It's ok Joey, you don't have to go on if you don't want to."

She opened her eyes and my heart nearly broke at the pain and sadness I saw there. "Now that I've started, I need to do this."

I nodded and squeezed her hand in encouragement.

"Anyway, I started my new job and it was fine for a week or so but then everything just started to fall apart again. One day this guy came into the boat shop and got all agro at the boss. I was in the other room, in no danger at all but it was a small room, so like where I was when Robbo trapped me and it just brought everything back. After that episode, with everything that had happened to me, my confidence was shot, I was scared and mistrustful, I felt abandoned by everyone, I was starting to have nightmares every night and I didn't have anyone to turn to, so I turned to drinking instead and after about a month, I quit."

I held back tears, hating the lonely path Joey had ended up on.

"I packed up what little I had, which wasn't much at all, bought a bomb of a car and hit the road. I did some fruit picking and whatever odd jobs I could get to pay my way as I ran from my problems. Didn't seem to matter how far I ran though, the nightmares just followed, so I drank even more to try to forget. I lost all control, drank too much, avoided building any friendships while I went from one one-night stand to another as I just drifted from town to town. I was pretty much in full self-destruct mode until I hit rock bottom." My brow raised at that last bit, worried about what rock bottom was. "I got drunk one night and slammed my car into a tree."

"Jesus Joey," I muttered aloud.

"Spending the next 5 months in hospital was the wakeup call I needed, though it's not a method I'd recommend to anyone."

"I'm so sorry Joey. If I'd been stronger, you wouldn't have had to leave the Bay in the first place."

"I'm responsible for my own actions Kate. I chose to run from my problems, instead of facing them and I was well aware that I was self-destructing, that I needed help, but the truth was, I just didn't care about anything, except the next drink and screwing some random girl."

I couldn't imagine that my beautiful Joey had become such a person, had become someone like me.

"I hated myself the more I did it, so I drank even more. It was a vicious cycle I couldn't find a way out of until that night when I got up close and personal with a tree." She smiled wryly, "Not my finest moment, but lying in that hospital bed gave me plenty of time to think about where my life was heading and it also introduced me to my two best friends. Caz was my nurse, always had time for a chat and wasn't afraid to tell me when I was wallowing in self-pity and she introduced me to Kym when she came to pick Caz up from work one day. I guess Kym decided that someone as lonely as me, needed a friend and so every day from then on, she would arrive an hour before Caz was due to finish her shift, so that she could spend time with me."

"I would have come if you'd called me," I said softly.

"At the time, I couldn't even look at myself, so there was no way I'd have wanted you to see me at my worst. I wasn't in a good place Kate and I needed to find my way out of it."

"I'm glad you did find a way."

"It wasn't easy, but I started to heal both physically and mentally while I was in the hospital and then when I was ready to leave, Caz offered me the granny-flat at the back of their place and I kind of ended up becoming like a part of their family." She smiled wryly. "I regret the way we met but I can't ever regret meeting those two, they saved my life in more ways than one."

"I don't think I could ever thank them enough for being there for you." And now, more than ever, I understood their protectiveness toward their friend and their animosity toward the Bitch. They'd seen for themselves how Joey's life had spun out of control because of my infidelity and betrayal. I wonder if they could ever forgive me if they found out who I was.

"They really helped me," Joey continued on. "First with their friendship and a place to stay, then for introducing me to this wonderful counsellor. Talking to him, I realised that most of what went onboard the trawler was just my imagination. The crew weren't watching me or judging me, it was me who was doing the judging. I had let myself believe that I was to blame for getting myself into a situation I couldn't get out of with Robbo, then I let myself fall for a woman I never should have gone near. I knew you were straight, yet I reached out for you because I needed to feel loved."

"And I did love you then Joey, don't ever doubt that."

"I know, but I'd had a lot of time on the boat to reflect on our relationship and I realised you weren't ready, yet I pushed and kept pushing until you fell into the arms…"

I stopped her by pressing my finger to her mouth. "You didn't push me into Hugo's arms, it was my own cowardice that was responsible for what happened to our relationship and only Robbo is to blame for what he did to you."

"Yeah, but at the time, that's not the way I was seeing things out there on the boat," she told me. "My mind was playing tricks with me, twisting everything and I couldn't seem to shake the feeling of my own lack of self-worth or that I was somehow to blame; for leading Robbo on, for never being honest with Brett so he had every right to be upset with me and then throwing myself at a straight woman."

"I'm not so straight now," I murmured.

Joey chuckled before she grew serious again. "The mind can be cruel at times, but talking through it with the counsellor, I started to untwist things and see the truth and once I started to do that, I was able to begin to move forward with my life."

"Until I walked into your life and brought the past back again."

"The past is in the past now," Joey said, then she kissed me. "And you've since brought me a future I am so looking forward to sharing with you." At that moment, Joey could feel the baby moving against her own stomach as they lay so closely together. It made her feel even more of a part of the baby's life. "And especially with this little gymnast."

Chuckling, I snuggled up against Joey as we both enjoyed the feel of the baby's movement.

When he finally stilled, Joey began again. "I wanted to tell you all of this so much sooner, especially after you opened up to me, but it's not something I talk about much, which is why Caz and Kym never go into details about how we actually met unless I say something first. It was a period of my life that was filled with many moments that won't make my list of proudest achievements and it was like I was another person during that time, a person I didn't particularly like and it has taken time to put it all behind me."

"I can relate to that, but that person is a part of you Joey and I think that the stronger woman you are today is because of her. You showed strength to walk away from me rather than risk being hurt again, which is probably what would have happened if you'd given me a second chance back then and after everything you went through, you showed the strength to get past it all and to move forward and you've now given me even more hope that I can do that as well. "

"You are already well down the path to that Kate and I guess another part of not wanting to tell you, was because I didn't want you to think that I in any way blamed you for what happened to me."

I coughed a little guiltily because I think I will always hold myself responsible for contributing to the path she ended up on. If we'd stayed just friends instead of becoming lovers, then she never would have had to leave the Bay and may even have sought out help much earlier and at least she would have had me, Aden, Leah and others by her side to help her.

I was dragged from my thoughts by soft lips on mine. "I know that look, you're finding a way to blame yourself, but Kate, everything I did, was my actions and mine alone and I take full responsibility for them and I don't want to hear, '_But if I hadn't done this'_ or '_if only I'd done that_' from you because we've both agreed that it's all in the past now and we're both moving forward, together."

We stared at each other in silence for a moment. "God I love you," I blurted out suddenly, pressing my lips firmly to hers. It felt like the floodgates had opened as our lips hungrily sought each others, our tongues duelled and our fingers worked on buttons.

* * *

_Next chapter, the girls reacquaint themselves with each other._


	26. Chapter 26

Our tops had been tossed aside, our bra-clad breasts now crushed against each other as our lips continued their hungry domination.

I was in a swirl of emotions. I hadn't had sex of any kind for months now so I had both joy that this was finally happening and also a desperate need to finally satiate the fires that had been burning inside me since Joey and I had gotten back together.

The coolish air against her burning skin was doing Joey's head in. She had meant for their 'first' time to be special and romantic, yet after all this time apart, now that she had surrendered, it was beyond her control and so it seemed that frantic was to be the order of the day. When a hand cupped her breast, Joey gasped; she couldn't remember when her nipples had ever felt so erect and alive as they strained to burst from the lacey confines of her bra.

With Joey having been my only female lover, I was now being reminded of just how different and wonderful it could be with a woman. It was amazing to feel the hardened peak of Joey's nipple against the palm of my hand and the soft skin against my other hand as it trailed down her side, then slid ever so slowly across her belly and to the waistband of her pants, the button and zipper quickly taken care of. I nearly exploded right then when Joey did the same to me, before, as if by some unspoken agreement, we stopped what we were doing and started into each other's eyes.

"Don't stop," Joey whispered and it was all I needed.

I slid my hand inside her knickers. It felt like the liquid heat I found there would burn my hand as my fingers slid easily through the silky warmth. I moved my fingers around, found the hardened little bud from memory and gave it a gentle rub, knowing just how much Joey liked that.

"Oh god," Joey moaned, both at what her girlfriend's fingers were doing to her and what she was feeling against her own fingers as she pushed past the waistband of her girlfriend's knickers.

I wanted to hear those wonderful sounds of love from Joey again, so I rubbed her clit, a little harder this time. "Oh god," Joey moaned a little louder, much to my delight and then to my even greater delight, her finger found my clit and our moans of pleasure became one. She felt so unbelievably wet against my fingers and I could wait no longer; I needed to be inside her.

"Fuck," Joey cried out as she felt those strong fingers filling her. She allowed herself to enjoy the intense feeling for a little longer, before her hips started to thrust and she plunged her own fingers into her girlfriend's molten core.

"Yes," I shouted out and was thankful for the thick walls to my apartment as that shout had been loud enough to leave my own ears ringing. We both lost all control now and we became a groaning, gasping, thrusting machine, our hips and hands finding a fast rhythm as we each sort to reach the ultimate release.

God how I had missed this, not just sex, but sex with Joey and in no time, I felt the familiar tingling growing stronger. "Close," I gasped.

Joey only nodded, unable to speak. Her hips and fingers were becoming erratic the closer she came to climaxing.

Just a couple of more thrusts and the tingling became like an explosion of nerves between my legs. "Ahh, yes, yes," I screamed, my hips jerking all over the place as my orgasm threatened to overwhelm me. As it was, I felt like I was about to fly apart in absolute bliss at the sensations my body was feeling.

"Charlie!" Joey's cry quickly following mine.

"Wow," I murmured happily a short time later as we lay there entwined on the couch. My body was still thrumming from the intensity of my climax.

"Wow, indeed," Joey murmured back. Sex with Grace had been great, but it really didn't compare to what she felt when she was with Charlie. Charlie? Shit, she just realised what she'd screamed out. "Kate, I'm sorry for shouting out Charlie."

"Well, if my name had always been Kate, then I'd be mighty pissed at you for calling out another woman's name," I said jokingly. "But I have to say, since this was our first time since we got back together, it was kind of nice to hear that name again."

"Looks like I still need to practice more in calling you Kate though."

"How about we start to practice that in the bedroom?" I suggested with a wicked grin.

* * *

"Kate!" Joey cried out as her body thrashed from side to side on the bed in orgasm.

"Damn, only four orgasms for you to get it right," I moaned with mock sadness. "And here I was hoping that you'd need much more practice."

"That last one might have just been a fluke," Joey said in a slightly breathless voice. "Might need a few more times just to make sure I get it right all the time."

"I'm happy to oblige."

"I bet you are." She stretched like a cat and I felt my blood pressure soaring again. The affect she had on me was staggering at times. "Just let me catch my breath first."

I snuggled against her. Where our first coupling on the couch had been hard and fast, once we had gotten to the bedroom, we'd taken our time, each of us wanting to enjoy every sensual moment and it had proven to be one of the most pleasurable hours I'd ever spent. Her body was so soft, yet hard in the right places and I'd quickly become addicted to her nipples. I'd sucked on them, teased them with my teeth and tongue and I knew I could happily do that forever. Everything about making love to a woman like Joey appealed to me and it made me wonder how I ever could have been so cowardly as to have run from it.

I glanced down when I felt Joey's finger gliding over my skin. One thing was for certain; I was never running from this wonderful woman and the feelings she brought out in me again.

"It seems we both have scars, physical and emotional," Joey said, tracing a light finger over the puckered scar left by one of the bullets. She'd come so close to losing her forever, Joey thought.

"Yeah," I agreed. During our love making session, I'd noticed the pale scars under Joey's breasts and down her side that I hadn't noticed the times she'd stayed over and changed in front of me. Then again, during those times, I had made an effort to never look at her too intently in case I lost control. "But those scars have only made us both stronger," I told her.

"Your love makes me stronger," Joey murmured, moving over me and capturing my lips.

God how I loved those lips, especially for the other things they did to me. As if reading my mind, Joey began to kiss her way down my body. "Oh yeah," I moaned aloud when my left nipple was engulfed into the welcoming warmth of her mouth. As much as I loved the feel of Joey's hard nipples in my mouth, I was equally in love with having mine treated to the same exquisite pleasure. "Oh baby, that is so good," I gasped, my other nipple now sharing in the moment.

It was only with some disappointment that I felt her leave my breasts because her next destination promised so much more.

Joey was nestled between my legs now and my heart was beating with anticipation. It was hard to believe I'd already enjoyed the pleasure of her tongue within the last hour but it was as if I couldn't get enough.

"Always so wet for me," Joey whispered, the warmth of her breath against my sex making me wriggle as if she'd tickled me. Joey paused, taking a moment to breathe in the intoxicating scent of her lover; it was like a drug to her and it brought about memories of all the good times they'd spent in Leah's house.

"Please Joey," I begged, hooking my legs over her shoulders to open myself even wider to her.

"Fuck yeah," I panted when her lips found my clit. My hips bucked in time to the flick of her tongue. I nearly came right then when one finger, then another, pushed inside me and quickly found the same rhythm as her tongue. "Deeper," I panted. "Oh god, yes," I cried when Joey granted my request. I surrendered myself completely to the pleasure, my body bucking and my voice begging for more as Joey's lips, tongue and fingers took me higher.

"Joey!" I shouted as my body bowed with the intensity of my orgasm, then started bucking again, yet despite the erratic movements of my body, Joey never stopped; she kept sucking and thrusting, plunging her fingers deep inside me and it wasn't long before I was climbing to the peak again. "Oh my god, yes, yes," I repeated over and over before my body stiffened, then came alive with my next blazing climax.

"Enough," I gasped when my body finally settled back down to earth. My legs slid listlessly from her shoulders and I shuddered when she gently withdrew her fingers.

Joey moved back up beside me and pressed her lips softly to mine. I groaned as I tasted myself on her lips.

"I could never get enough of you," she whispered to me.

"Nor I you, but I need a breather."

She settled down next to me, resting her head on my shoulder and placed her hand on my tummy. "I hope we haven't kept him up all this time."

I chuckled and placed my hand over hers. "I think he's taking a nap to give us some privacy."

"You don't think a baby knows when his parents are doing it, do you?"

"God I hope not, because I want every night to be like this one."

"Ooh, I like the sound of that."

"And I like the sounds you make."

"So I noticed."

I chuckled again and held her tight.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, I heard the soft and even breathing that told me Joey had drifted off to sleep. It felt wonderful to have Joey back in my bed in every way but now that I had a moment to myself, I couldn't forget what she'd told me earlier and I wanted to make all her pain to have never happened.

"Mmh," Joey murmured in her sleep and I smiled at her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful and completely at ease and it was at that moment that I realised, that since Joey had moved on from her painful past and I have to say, I love the person she's become in that time, then I really should take her advice and let go of the guilt and pain and truly move on. I brushed an errant strand of hair from her face. And I have every reason in the world to move on lying right there beside me. With Joey by my side, I felt a surety about my future I never had before and though I still hoped desperately that Ruby would one day be a part of it, I'd been given a second chance that not a lot of people were offered and I intended to live this life to the fullest.

When Joey snuggled closer and I felt her nipples rubbing against me, I grinned. Oh yeah, I thought with a smirk, definitely two good reasons to live life to the fullest. And oh how those two reasons filled my mouth to the fullest and oh god, I could feel the wetness pooling between my legs again. I had no idea how I was going to survive these desires, but hell, what a pleasurable problem to have. I raised my hand, debating whether to quench those desires right at this moment or hold off.

Joey really did look so adorable and peaceful lying there, I thought and we do have the rest of our lives to quench our desires, I reasoned. But by god, I wanted her again.


	27. Chapter 27

**...some months later**

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh," I groaned in pain as the latest contraction seized control of my body. "Oh god, when will this end," I complained loudly.

"Soon, baby, soon," Joey assured me as she wiped the sweat from my brow.

"You said that two hours ago," I barked out through gritted teeth. "Where's the bloody doctor?"

"She'll be here any minute."

"If she's any longer I'll be squeezing this kid out before she can get around to doing this damn caesarean." As with Ruby, I was going with the caesarean, not that I really had a choice with my narrow hips.

Joey hopped up onto the bed beside me and started speaking to my belly. "Hey little guy, how about taking a break for a moment so your mum can have a breather."

God I loved her, I thought the moment my contraction ceased. Life since that amazing night all those months ago had been wonderful. Within a week of that night, Joey had moved in with me and with the baby on the way, we then made the decision to find a bigger place. We were lucky enough to find a lovely little two-bedroom house not too far from Caz and Kym's place and it quickly became our own little home of domestic bliss. Joey and I had lived together before, but this time, it was different; for a start, there was no need to be quiet in the bedroom because of Leah and the kids and boy, did we make use of that fact - and often. While I'd let her continue sleeping that first night we'd made love, since then, my hormones had sent my sex drive into overdrive and after rediscovering the amazing joys of sex with Joey, it was like I couldn't get enough of her, whether morning, noon or night or all three and Joey was often left looking rather ragged at times, not that she ever complained. And even ragged looking, she remained as gorgeous as ever, especially with that adorable silly grin of bliss that was almost a permanent fixture on her face. Kym had taken some delight in teasing Joey about her new, sex-ragged look, until Caz had offered up some rather amusing descriptions of their own appearances during the 'honeymoon' period of their relationship. I'd always been a little envious of how strong a couple Caz and Kym were, but the longer Joey and I were together, the more I believed we'd be just as strong and that made me so incredibly happy.

I'd never felt so close or connected to another person as I did with Joey and when we weren't at home making love, we would eat at a quiet restaurant or walk hand-in-hand along the shore or in the park. There were also many evenings spent with Caz and Kym and soon Grace had started to join us for those evenings with her girlfriend. It was a little awkward for us all at first, but things soon became much more relaxed. I think it helped that Grace saw how happy Joey was with me and that she had her own new ladylove, which unfortunately, didn't last long. Grace had surprised us all a few weeks ago by announcing she had broken up with her girlfriend and was taking up a temporary posting elsewhere until her new job started at the end of the year in Melbourne and had left town within a day of that announcement. I have to say, after getting to know Grace a little better, I could certainly see why Joey fell for her; she was gorgeous, funny, intelligent and warm and thank god she was gone. I didn't really mean that last part, it was just that Grace was a constant reminder of how different my life could have been had Joey chosen her over me. Still, at the end of the day, Joey had chosen me and we were both extremely happy together and from the sound of things, Grace had met someone she was rather positive about during her new posting, so it looked like everyone was finding happiness.

Another thing that had made me happy in the past months had been the progress Ruby was making. Leah had kept her word to Joey about being there for Ruby and Ruby had responded to both Leah's support and the counselling she'd sought, to the point where my daughter had resumed her uni studies, only she was now doing her course largely via correspondence, which meant she only had to spend one day every fortnight or so at the university, but at least she was back studying, which pleased me. I could tell for myself by the sound of Ruby's voice that she was starting to move forward. The tears had run down my face the day Leah had handed the phone over to Ruby and she and Joey had spoken. It wasn't quite the same as if we'd been face-to-face, but it had still been an amazing feeling to hear her voice after all this time and I really appreciated how at ease she felt about opening up to Joey. Their friendship meant a lot to me and I really wanted the four of us to be together as a family and maybe even another baby down the line.

Another contraction brought my mind back to the present. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh," I cried out. What the hell am I doing thinking about having another baby when I've yet to get this one out? When the contraction eased, I settled back against the pillows just as the doctor finally arrived.

"And how are our mums to be?" the doctor asked as she studied the chart at the end of my bed.

"I'm fine," Joey cheerfully replied. "But this mum here is about ready to burst."

"We'd better get you to the delivery room then."

"Joey," I held out my hand for hers.

She took my hand and squeezed gently. "Everything is going to be fine."

"I just want this over with."

* * *

"He's absolutely gorgeous," Joey whispered with awe as she gazed at the little face snuggled in my arms.

Spying Caz and Kym hovering in the doorway, I invited them in. "Hey guys, I'd like for you to meet, Collin Ross." I chuckled at the frown on Joey's face. We hadn't yet settled on a name, choosing instead to wait until we saw him so we could pick the name we felt matched him the best, but Collin was one name I had wanted to surprise Joey with. "I want to name him after you and my father."

"You don't have to do that Kate," she replied with a husky voice affected from being so incredibly touched.

"You've been with me through all of this Joey and he's as much yours as he is mine."

"Collin Ross Bellings," Joey spoke the words aloud. "It kind of has a ring to it."

"What if you get married?" Caz said as she waved a finger in front of the baby. "Then his name could end up being Collin Bellings-Collins."

"She has a point," Joey said and my heart leapt.

"We haven't even spoken of marriage yet," I said a little hesitantly.

"Well, I'd definitely love to marry you one day," Joey said and my heart leapt even higher. "So maybe we should talk about it some more at a later date."

"I'd like that more than anything." I gazed down at my son; I was filled with such love right now, for both my son and my lover.

"He looks a little like a Mathew," Joey said. It was one of the names we had mentioned during our discussions, along with dozens of others.

"Mathew Ross B," I stopped myself, having nearly said, Buckton. It must be the emotion surrounding the moment, because by now, I had immersed myself so completely into being Kate Bellings, that I hadn't slipped up like this in months. "Mathew Ross Collins-Bellings," I said as a way to cover for my pause.

"Or Bellings-Collins," Joey added to help me when she guessed what I'd been about to say. "Or just Bellings until I make an honest woman of you."

I grinned at her. "After the way we christened our house, it will take more than a ring on our fingers to make either of us honest women again," I joked.

"Hey, not in front of the baby," Kym piped in.

"Speaking of marriage, when are you going to make an honest woman of me?" Caz asked her partner who looked completely flummoxed at the question.

"I thought you didn't want the whole wedding thing until it was legal?" Kym said when she finally regained some of her composure.

"That was before, but now, I think I'd actually like to have a ring on my finger by the time Remi's sibling arrives."

Joey chuckled at her friend's expression. For all her bark, Kym really was a pussycat and her partner always knew exactly how to rattle her, like now.

"Another baby?" Kym croaked out.

"Only if you can find the time to knock me up," Caz replied sweetly.

I shared a grin with Joey. Another baby had been news to Kym but going by the silly grin now gracing her face, it was very welcome news.

The current baby in the room chose that moment to remind us with a loud gurgle that he was meant to be the centre of attention.

"Mathew Ross," I said his name and he smiled up at me.

"I think that settles it," Joey said. She propped herself on the bed next to me and rested her chin on my shoulder as we both gazed lovingly at our son.

* * *

**…two weeks later**

I yawned as I poured the coffee. After two weeks of sleepless nights, we were both tired and a little worn out from being new parents, but neither of us would change a thing, because one look at our son made it all worth it.

"Morning," I said between yawns when Joey walked into the kitchen still in her pjs. Pj's had become our new casual look for around the house and even down to the letterbox to get the mail or the daily paper. It wasn't just because pj's were comfortable to wear, they also happen to be much easier to clean after little baby accidents landed on them.

"Kate."

I frowned at the serious tone in her voice. "What is it?"

She handed me today's newspaper and my eyes widened in shock.

"Does this mean we can go home Charlie?"


	28. Chapter 28

"I don't know if it will be as easy as that Joey." I had to sit down as I read on in disbelief.

**SHOOTOUT IN COASTAL TOWN LEAVES FOUR DEAD**

_Summer Bay businessman Darryl Braxton, was yesterday arrested and charged with the murder of Snr Sgt Mike Emerson and is facing numerous drug charges, stemming from his ties to local criminal gang, The River Boys. Emerson's death came about when the police foiled a major drug deal and a shoot out ensued; along with Emerson, three members of Braxton's gang were also killed and another officer from the Yabbie Creek Police Station, Sgt Georgina Watson, was shot but is in a stable condition. Several River Boys, including Heath Braxton, the younger brother of Daryl, are also facing drug and firearms charges. This is the second major gang bust in the small coastal NSW town, the last occurring the previous year when the River Boys and the Pirovic gang were involved in a turf war and were arrested during a planned showdown between the two gangs. Jake Pirovic, leader of the latter gang, died two weeks ago in prison after being stabbed to death in the prison showers._

We hadn't caught the news on TV at all yesterday, so this was the first I'd heard about this and if what was written here was all true, then just maybe, I could become Charlie again just as Joey had called me and I could finally be reunited with my daughter, but while it was wonderful to think of those things, my mind was occupied by another thought. If Jake had been killed around the same time as I had gone into labour, then why hadn't Mac told me? He's had two weeks to do so and surely with these latest developments, he should have been straight on the phone to me because he knew how much I was hoping for the chance, however slim, that I could at least get in contact with Ruby again.

"Charlie?"

"I think it's best if we stick with Kate for the moment," I murmured.

"This is all good, isn't it?" she asked me. "I mean, the man who shot you is dead and Brax is in jail, so the danger is over for you."

"It appears so."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I don't know, maybe I'm just not really taking it all in right now or something."

"Why don't you call that Mac guy and see what's going on?"

"That is part of what is bothering me," I admitted. In the past few months, I had been so wrapped up in my relationship with Joey and more recently, with the baby, that I hadn't given much thought to the fact that Mac was hard to get a hold of these days and any form of contact when it did occur, was incredibly brief. "Mac knew how important all of this would be to me, yet I haven't heard a thing from him about any of it." And if Brax hadn't killed a cop, I may never have known any of it unless something came up during Joey's next phone conversation with Leah. Jake was a crook from a small town and even if he had supposedly killed a cop, me, it still wasn't that surprising that until now, his death had barely rated a mention and it certainly wouldn't have been newsworthy here in Victoria, but a showdown between drug dealers and the police which resulted in one police officer being killed and another wounded, was big news everywhere and it was all there in black and white for us to read.

"Maybe he held off with informing you about Jake's death because he knew you would want to contact Ruby and that might risk tipping Brax off," she said and it was a plausible explanation, because Mac wouldn't want to risk the investigation into Brax in anyway.

"And I suppose he might not have had time to contact me with these latest developments."

"I imagine with a shootout that resulted in all those deaths, that everyone involved would be extremely busy dealing with the aftermath and the rest of it," Joey reasoned.

I nodded. Until I spoke to Mac, I didn't really know anything except for what was written in the paper.

Joey looked at the paper again. "I hope Sgt Watson is ok, because she seemed like a nice woman when I dealt with her during my rape ordeal and that whole Brett saga."

"Georgie is a very nice lady and a very good friend," I told her. "And the paper reported that she was in a stable condition, so that's a good sign," I added and really hoped that was the case, because I was already feeling such guilt that my negligence and plain stupidity where Brax had been concerned, had led to this.

"Please don't blame yourself, Kate," Joey said to me and I had to smile at how easily she could read me. "You're not responsible for Brax's actions, only he is."

"If I'd done my job, he'd have been in jail long ago."

"You don't know that for sure, I mean, he had been getting away with his crimes well before you ever got involved with him and even if you had succeeded in putting him away, he might have been out by now and still involved in this latest incident anyway."

That only slightly mollified me.

"Did you know this Snr Sgt Emerson guy?"

"No." But every cop always felt the death of a colleague and though I was an ex-cop, I still felt his death the same way as I would if I still wore the uniform and I especially felt for his family.

Joey reached over and took my hand in hers. "I know everything seems to be happening at once, but there is a real chance now that we can go home and be a family with Ruby," she said. "That is what you want, isn't it?"

"Of course it is Joey, I want the four of us together more than anything, but," I said and paused, my eyes darting to the paper.

"Are you also worried about what the rest of the article said?" queried Joey and I was forced to nod, my eyes drawn to the paper before us.

_Pirovic was serving a life sentence for the murder of Sgt Charlotte 'Charlie' Buckton, who had been __shot dead in retaliation for the shooting death of Harmen Pirovic, younger brother of Jake. In a twist to the unfolding drama in Summer Bay, Sgt Buckton had been due to end her police career the day she was shot and move away to start a new life with Daryl Braxton. No investigation was ever conducted into Buckton's romantic association with a criminal gang leader, but one has to wonder what a police officer was doing with such a dangerous criminal in the first place and if she played any part in Braxton evading justice for so long._

"Most people saw Brax as the better brother and even though he was the leader, people didn't seem to relate him to all the crime going on like they did with Heath and the other River Boys, but now everyone knows exactly what sort of man Brax really is and so now, I'm going to have to face the whispers and rumours about my own conduct while I was with him." I sighed heavily. "And my conduct was anything but honourable. I betrayed the community and they would have every right to mistrust me and hold me equally responsible for letting it get this far."

"It sounds like Brax has fooled a lot of people over the years, not just you, so please Kate, you have come so far since then, so don't let the old doubts and regrets drag you back, because you have many more positive things to look forward to."

"My two children meeting for the first time, seeing my old friends and the woman I love by my side," I murmured. "I'm scared though Joey."

"We'll get through this together."

"How did I ever get so lucky to have you back in my life again?"

"I guess we were always just meant to be," Joey said and pressed her lips to mine. "Why don't you call Mac and I'll check in on Mathew."

"Ok."

* * *

It took three hours and many attempts before I finally got a hold of Mac and he had apologised for his lack of communication recently, but he had been rushed off his feet preparing for the drug raid and he had been planning to call me later today. When I had asked him if I could return home, I had sensed his hesitation before he finally agreed that he could see no reason why I couldn't go back to Summer Bay. After we had talked some more, I had hung up and sat there staring at the phone.

"Is everything all right?" Joey asked me when she found me still sitting there some time later.

"Mac said I could go home."

"That's great," she enthused and sat down beside me when I didn't appear as enthusiastic. "But you're still nervous about people's reactions to your return, aren't you?"

"Yeah, a little, but I've since had time to process things and I'm not as worried about what people might think of me as I was earlier, because going home to Ruby is the most important thing, it's what I've wished for from the moment I woke up and found out I was dead and I know that with you by my side, I can deal with all the rest of it, but any nerves I might have about returning home isn't what is bothering me right now." I shrugged a little helplessly, "I don't know, there is just something about all of this and Mac that has given me this very uneasy feeling."

"Are you absolutely sure it's not just your nervousness about going home that is making you uneasy?"

"I wish it was only that." I sighed heavily. "Call it instinct or something, I don't know, but the entire time I was on the phone to Mac, I had this feeling he was lying to me or holding something back."

"Why would he do that?"

"I don't know and that is what is making me uneasy."

"Is there anyone else you can talk to about this?"

"I could try David Joyce, he was the Inspector involved in the earlier investigation."

"If you think it will help alleviate your doubts, then call him."

* * *

Rather than alleviate my doubts, it only increased them. "Something is very wrong here Joey," I told her when I got off the phone to Joyce. "David thought it was some crank call because Charlie Buckton was dead," I said. "I had to prove who I was to him because he had no idea about the witness protection."

"Was he supposed to know?"

My brow furrowed as I thought back to my first encounter with Mac. "I might have just assumed David was in on all of it, because Mac had mentioned him being aware of my relationship with Brax much earlier than I realised he had been and was part of keeping quiet about it to avoid tipping Brax off, but now that I think about it, I'm not actually sure if David was a big enough part of the investigation to be informed of my death being staged and it is the usual practice to have the least amount of people aware of such things."

"You're still uneasy about this though, aren't you?"

I nodded. It hadn't helped when Joyce had seemed cagey when I had mentioned Mac's name, either. "David wants me to meet him at HQ in Sydney and hopefully everything will be sorted out and we can finally go home." I looked at Joey and in a moment of insecurity, I asked her, "You are coming home with me, aren't you?"

"Home is wherever you are," Joey replied. "And so I'll follow you anywhere."

"I love you so much."

"And l love you, Kate," she said, then grinned cheekily. "And I love you too Charlie."

Chuckling, we kissed and it was slow and tender and I missed her lips the moment we parted.

"I guess it's time for Charlie Buckton to rise from the grave and find out what the hell is going on," Joey said to me and I was both nervous and excited about my immanent resurrection.


	29. Chapter 29

I yawned as I poured my morning coffee. It was quite early in the morning and we were already packed and ready to go to Sydney and I would be lying if I didn't say that fronting up to Joyce was leaving me with some trepidation, especially as the uneasy feeling I'd had since reading the paper yesterday hadn't left me. It didn't help that I was also feeling guilty about lying to Caz and Kym yet again but until we knew for sure what was going on, we planned to keep things as they were and so Kate and Joey were heading out of town because of a family emergency. Maybe it was because Kym was practically walking on cloud nine these days with the prospect of being a mum again or perhaps they were just being the good friends that they were, but neither had brought up the distinct lack of family around since Mathew was born or that neither Joey or I ever really talked much about our families, they just accepted we were leaving for family reasons. I hope the day comes soon when there won't be a need to lie to our friends anymore, of course with that day, came the prospect of telling them I was the Bitch. I sipped my coffee and thought a little bemusedly that I'd rather face Joyce and a firing squad than Kym finding that out.

Pouring a coffee for Joey, I took it to her in the nursery, where she was sitting in the rocker with Mathew in her arms. Watching her hold him always brought such intense feelings of love and contentment to me and I could stand there for hours and just look at them, but today, time was getting away from us. I set both coffees aside and squatted down beside them. "How is my little man?"

"Sleeping peacefully."

"I hope he stays like that on the flight or we may end up on the receiving end of some rather unfriendly glares if he cries the whole way."

"I'm the first to admit to finding a crying baby annoying, especially in a confined space, but it is different with Mathew."

"Because he's ours and so while crying babies are a no-no when they're someone else's, it's totally different when they're yours," I said with a grin.

"Oh absolutely," she replied with a matching grin.

"We should get going soon or we'll miss the flight."

"You know that you really don't have to go back to the Bay to face everyone after you see Joyce, because I could go alone and explain things to Leah and Ruby and then bring Ruby back with me," Joey said and I was sorely tempted by the offer, but I shook my head to decline.

"I've been thinking about this a lot since yesterday and it may seem crazy to go back, but it honestly feels like something I just have to do," I explained to her. "I don't want to have any guilt I still may have slowly gnawing away at me over time or have anything hanging over my head that may someday come back to haunt me and end up hurting what we have, so I need to clear my slate and that means taking responsibility for my actions and accepting the consequences."

"How much trouble will you get into, I mean, legal wise?"

"I was party to stealing evidence and lying to my colleagues and that's quite serious and I suppose it depends on how much of an example they want to make of me."

"Like jail?"

I took Joey's hand and squeezed gently. "I don't think so. What I did was criminal and I'll most likely lose my job, but coming forward will be in my favour." I frowned as I thought of something. "Actually, I'm not entirely sure where I stand with my job, since the day I was shot was officially my last day."

"I'm sure Joyce will let you know where you do stand."

"Hey, is there something else the matter?" I asked her when I sensed further reluctance in her.

"I guess I have my own insecurities about going back," she admitted. "It will mean Brax is going to find out he's a father."

"Unfortunately, there's no way that word won't get back to him, even in jail, but at least he won't be there and after what he did, it's going to be a long time before he's out." I smiled down at my son. "Mathew will be an adult before Brax even gets a whiff of parole."

"He hasn't even faced court yet."

"Joey, he was caught red-handed with drugs during a police raid and with an officer killed, the Prosecutor will go hard at him and make damn sure that every scrap of evidence is above reproach," I said to her. "He's out of our lives Joey."

"Not completely," Joey said. "Family means a lot to him so do you really think he'll sit by and do nothing about Mathew."

"Of course not, but I will fight any attempt he makes to get access to Mathew while he's in prison and with both his brothers having records, it will show a judge what a bad influence he's been on them and I'll make sure his brothers steer clear as well, even Casey. That boy had such promise to be better than his brothers, yet he's already started down the same path and he's far too loyal to Brax for me to ever be able to trust him." I cupped her face in my hands and held her eyes with mine. "You, Mathew and Ruby are the most important people in my life and I'm not going to let anyone come between us," I assured her. "And I'm not proposing we move back to Summer Bay permanently, but I really do feel that I need to do this and once things have been sorted in the Bay, we can always come back here if that's what we want."

Joey took a deep breath. "Then I guess we should get going."

"I think we have a bit of time to finish our coffees and dote on our boy here."

"He's going to be spoilt rotten," Joey murmured, her heart filled with such love for the little bundle in her arms.

* * *

The flight from Melbourne to Sydney had thankfully been uneventful, with my little man being a perfect little angel, even earning some admirers on the plane, but now the moment of truth was almost here. After arriving at Police HQ, I had been taken up to the fifth floor where I was now waiting for Joyce in a rather stark and cold room that had me wishing for Joey to be by my side, but she was in the park across the road with Mathew. God I missed them and I'd only been here for, I glanced at my watch, twenty minutes.

I was starting to wonder if this was a good idea when Joyce walked into the room and stopped and stared at me.

"Forgive me for staring," he said after a minute or two. "But I truly believed you were dead and so your call yesterday came as a hell of a shock and I was still half convinced you were an imposter."

"Nope, it's the real me," I said. "Has there been an update on Georgie, because all the paper said was she was in a stable condition?"

"It was a bullet to the arm and there was some worry there would be nerve damage, but she's been given the all clear and has headed home."

"That's great news."

He came over and sat across the table from me. "Now, I'm guessing you have a bit to tell me," he said to me and so I began. I told him about waking up in an unfamiliar room with Mac standing over me, about everything Mac said to me that day and because I wasn't sure just how much Joyce had known and because I wanted to be totally upfront and honest, I also told him about my part in the evidence being stolen from the squad car and Liam's accident. I even told him about my time of reflection, how I'd changed my opinion on Brax and have turned my life around.

The entire time I was talking, Joyce silently sat there with an unreadable expression on his face and I took a nervous sip of water as I drew my account to the end. "And so yesterday when I saw the paper about Brax and Jake, I realised it was close to being over, yet I hadn't heard from Mac and I started to get this uneasy feeling and that just got worse after I did finally talk to him, which is why I then decided to call you."

"And I'm glad you did, because there's a very good reason for you to feel uneasy Charlie," Joyce said. "I have never met Det. Sgt Daniel McWilliams nor even spoken to him, so I certainly wasn't in on any of the details as he may have implied to you and I can tell you now that he was involved in no such investigation in Summer Bay, at least not any official investigation," he told me and a sick feeling settled in my stomach. "I'm sorry Charlie, but none of this, including faking your death and putting you into witness protection, was ever officially sanctioned by anyone."

"Oh god," I muttered, not liking where this was going at all. "So are you saying that Mac lied to me about everything?"

Joyce nodded. "Obviously until you called yesterday, we had no idea of his part in your so-called death, but for some months now, McWilliams has been under investigation for police corruption and as of yesterday, has disappeared off our radar."

"Fuck," I let the word slip out and Joyce smiled sympathetically at me. I had felt uneasy for a reason, that maybe Mac was keeping something from me, but I hadn't allowed myself to even consider the possibility that all of it was a lie and the sick feeling turned to anger and shock at the realisation I'd been played for a fool yet again and been kept from my daughter because of it.


	30. Chapter 30

Joyce gave me a few moments to gather my thoughts before he continued on. "It was just after your supposed death that we received a tip off about corruption within the Drugs Squad and an internal investigation was initiated on the quiet and it led us to McWilliams and two other officers. These three appear to have been working for a criminal organisation which has slowly been taking over the drug trade," he informed me. "The organisation starts by targeting the smaller gangs and when they find out who these gangs supply their drugs to, they then either put the gang out of business or forcefully take over and use them as the middlemen for their own drug trafficking." I was listening to him with growing disbelief at this latest turn of events. "Pretty soon, they'll be one of the biggest suppliers of drugs in the country and unfortunately, the only success we've had against them so far, is netting the occasional small fish, but that does little to get us closer to the big fish we really want," said Joyce. "We were hoping to change that by catching McWilliams and his buddies in the act and with the prospect of jail hanging over their heads, we were fairly confident we could get them to turn on those in charge. We even had reliable information that McWilliams planned to make a move on Braxton during a drug deal and so we staged our own drug bust, hoping to get both Braxton and McWilliams, only it appears he was tipped off at the last minute and so wasn't there when it all went down."

"Who tipped him off?" Despite myself, I couldn't help acting like a cop and wanting to know.

"Someone within the Yabbie Creek Police Station," he replied and that disappointed me because it was bad enough that I'd been caught up in the mess without someone else I worked with also ending up in it. "The identity of that person is still unknown and since we've done our best to limit the number of people aware of the internal investigation, we're confident that at the time of the tip off, McWilliams was only warned about the impending raid on Braxton and so remained unaware that he was being investigated himself and we had hoped to keep it that way until another opportunity came along to catch him red-handed." He sighed. "McWilliams was supposed to be under surveillance at all times, but with Emerson and Watson both down and with all the statements to be taken in regards to the shootings of both police and gang members being the priority, in all the confusion, McWilliams walked right into the evidence room at the station yesterday and took the money and drugs recovered from the scene," Joyce said. "Whoever he has on the payroll at the station obviously slipped him a key and by the time you called and we realised the evidence had been stolen, he was long gone."

I wasn't too worried about Mac at that moment, because there was something more unsettling about the latest turn of events. "There is still enough evidence to send Brax away though, isn't there?" I asked a little fearfully.

"Relax Charlie, we still have multiple witnesses to testify as to what was there and the bullets taken from Watson and Emerson are a match to his gun, so he's going down," he said.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"And I'm sure it will please you to know that Braxton has been denied bail and considering the seriousness of the charges he's facing, the only time he's likely to see outside the prison walls for a good many years to come, is during his trial."

I took a large gulp of water. It was all too much. "I don't get why Mac had to fake my death though and he knew I wanted to return, so surely he must have realised his part in my so-called death would come out and he would have needed to explain it all?"

"I think McWilliams was partially honest in what he told you there. The key link to the drugs and where they went, was Braxton and if he left town with you, McWilliams would lose his shot at getting in and he was right in what he told you; your death did throw Braxton off his game and he ended up back in the business, not that he ever really left, but it was exactly where McWilliams needed him to be."

"Then staging my death really was just to help Mac's own personal agenda," I murmured.

"That appears to be the case," Joyce said. "And as to him having to deal with your return, well, I don't think he ever intended to be around for that. When you called yesterday, we first suspected that he had been spooked by your call, panicked and stole the evidence before running, but the investigation since then suggests that his escape route and disappearance was just a little too planned, so the consensus is that stealing the drugs and money was his plan from the start, only when we crashed his party, he was forced to make some quick changes to stealing the evidence from the station instead, which would explain why his two cohorts were completely in the dark about that part of it." He shrugged. "Maybe it was all getting too much for him, lying at work and working for some dangerous men and so he bided his time, planned ahead and when the right moment came along, he executed it."

"And he didn't care who he used along the way to do it," I said furiously, hating Mac with a passion right then.

"So far, we've managed to keep his part from the media, because if it gets out, he'll go even further underground."

"Did he have anything to do with Jake Pirovic's death?"

"As far as I'm aware, there is nothing to indicate that Jake Pirovic's death was anything more than him getting on the wrong side of one of the gangs that operated inside the prison. Of course, when some enterprising journalist realised the link between him and what happened here, it made his death seem a little more tantalising to the press vultures."

"I just can't believe this is all happening," I said with a tired voice.

"It's not over yet."

I nodded at the truth to his statement. "I just feel so dumb for believing him, hell, he even said he knew my father well and that he owed him a debt, which is why he said he saved my life and gave me a chance to help him get Brax, but everything was just a lie, which I fell for."

"Charlie, I wouldn't feel too bad about believing him," Joyce said. "A police officer came to you after you had been shot and while you were in a physically and emotionally fragile state, he gave you a very plausible reason for being in witness protection and it was a scenario that prevented you from contacting anyone, because people in witness protection cut all ties with their past."

"Except my silence had nothing to do with me breaking cover and everything to do with him maintaining his ruse," I said bitterly.

"Look, one thing this investigation has shown, is that McWilliams appears to have been a master at deceiving people for a long time and if I found myself in the same situation as you had, then I probably would have fallen for it as well."

"I just wish he had never done it," I muttered.

"I suppose if McWilliams had done nothing, then you'd have recovered in Summer Bay hospital and when you were better, you could have finished running off into the sunset with Braxton."

I stared at him and not because of his sarcastic tone, but because what he said was what probably would have happened. I hated Mac at this moment, but at the same time, I knew that if none of this had happened, then I'd still be that woman who was fooling herself that everything was good with Brax and I never would have found Joey again, the person who I now knew was my true one and only. I couldn't forgive Mac but at least I could take the positives from this and not let the hate eat away at me like I have in the past. Still, Mac better steer clear of me, because if I ever saw him again, I may just do something dumb. "Once, you may have been right about that, but that is a life time ago and I now want no part of that life or of Brax," I replied with all honesty. "So what happens now?"

"The prosecutor needs to be prepared for any surprise Braxton might throw up to try to taint the case and damage the integrity of the Force, like having him spill details about what he got up to with the lead investigative officer, so you need to make a written statement, detailing everything you've told me today, everything you did while you were with Braxton and what you know about him, so that any claim can be quickly countered to minimise any possible damage," Joyce told me. "Charlie, if you go ahead and make the statement, then you're officially going to have to rise from the dead, unless you'd prefer to walk out that door and carry on with your new life, in which case, you were never here."

"What about what I did?"

"Charlie Buckton did those things and McWilliams did a good job of killing her off, so she stays dead and Kate Bellings would be free to resume her life."

"Are you saying I can just walk out that door and that will be the end of it, I'm free of it all?"

"As free as your conscience will allow you to be."

I couldn't help but smile wryly at that because my conscience was why I was here in the first place. "And if Charlie Buckton officially rose from the dead?"

"You will have to undergo an official investigation into your conduct and it may not be pretty," he said. "While I personally believe you were duped by McWilliams, you have to see how it looks to others. Not only have you been romantically involved with a criminal who has since murdered a police officer, you also faked your death with the help of a corrupt police officer." He let his words sink in for a moment. "People might wonder if you were in on this with McWilliams from the start and only came forward because he ran away with the money and left you behind."

"Jesus," I muttered.

"There is something you can do that will show people where your loyalties lay and may make things a little easier for you."

"What is it?" I asked a little warily.

"We need you to help flush out McWilliams' inside person. We want that person, because he or she is still in a position to aid him or his previous employers and so getting him or her is our priority right now. We also hope that if we get this person, it will lead us to McWilliams."

"What about his two cohorts, can't they help you find Mac?"

"After McWilliams stole the evidence, we pulled them in and they've proven to be pretty much useless with everything. It was McWilliams who dealt directly with boss and then fed them only the information he wanted them to know, so they can't give us anything there and the leads they have provided us with for his possible whereabouts haven't panned out, so we're hoping the mole will have something more for us to go on."

"So how exactly can I help?"

"Your presence will throw a cat amongst the pigeons and just might spook McWilliams' person enough that he or she will reveal themselves."

"And if it doesn't work?"

"If nothing eventuates within a certain timeframe, then other options will have to be taken and that will be the end of your part in it. Charlie, what I'm offering you here is an official deal, in agreement with both the Drugs Squad and the Police Integrity Commission."

"And if I accept it?"

"For starters, we'll put out the word that your being placed in witness protection was an official response to the danger you were in," Joyce said. "That should be enough to dispel any suggestion that you were involved in anything illegal with McWilliams."

"Wouldn't Mac's person know the truth?"

"Possibly, but that can also work in our favour because if we put it out there that it was official, then our mole may start to wonder just how truthful McWilliams has been and might just go looking for answers, thereby leading us to him," he explained. "This plan will also hopefully help us to keep McWilliams involvement in illegal dealings out of the press for the time being and stop any unwelcome questions from Dr Walker."

"Poor Sid," I murmured, sparing a thought for those who had been dragged into this or affected in some way by Mac's lies. "I want to help, I honestly do, but tensions have to be high in the station after the shootings and won't my connection to Brax just make it worse?"

"That part is unavoidable," replied Joyce. "Charlie, if you go back, you're going to have to ride out the innuendo, whispers and mistrust of not just your colleagues but the community as a whole."

"I'm aware of that." If Angelo could face us and eventually win back the trust of people, then so could I, I told myself and at least I have Joey by my side. I just hoped Mathew didn't suffer as a consequence. A picture popped into my head of my son and brought some lightness to my heart; he was such an adorable little baby, there is no way anyone could blame him for his parents' mistakes. "David, as grateful as I am for this opportunity, I'm just wandering why you are offering me this deal, I mean, it can't just be because my presence may spook the mole."

"I can't deny to being extremely disappointed in you Charlie," Joyce said to me. "Not only were you stupid to ever get involved with a man like Braxton, but you lied to my face about the evidence and you put Watson in a terrible position which could have impacted on her career. That said though, you were a good officer until you met Braxton and with the failure of the corrections Department and the Force in informing you about Jake's release, which resulted in your shooting, then I feel that we at least owe you the opportunity to prove your loyalties and make things right, which is why I'm offering you this deal."

"What else does the deal entail?"

"It's basically a get-out-of-jail-free card," he said. "Meaning that even if you were directly involved with Braxton's drug dealing, you won't face jail, you would however, never wear the uniform again."

"I may have been negligent in my job, but I never actively participated in any drug deals," I assured him.

"Then make a formal statement about your actions, agree to testify against Braxton, submit to an investigation into your conduct and if the investigation shows that the worst you did was conspire with him to steal the evidence, then the most you'll receive is a reprimand and you'll get to keep your uniform," he told me. He sat back and regarded me sternly. "You made a mistake Charlie, you're not the first cop to do so, in fact, in recent years, officers at the Yabbie Creek Police Station haven't exactly been setting a good example or precedent with their behaviour, even after they've been given a second chance, which is why things are going to be a little harsher this time around, starting with your Sergeant's stripes."

"I understand."

"You'll be demoted back to Constable, a rank you will be held at for a minimum of five years," he said. "And you have to realise, that even if you manage to earn your stripes back, you're unlikely to ever have your own station again."

For a fraction of a second, I felt like saying Angelo had been promoted over me to take charge of the station less than a year after he had killed Jack, but I realised it didn't bother me that much; I had loved running the station, but it was so time consuming and after missing so much of Ruby's baby years, I didn't want the same to happen with Mathew and now that I was in a situation where I was being offered a deal to save my job, it also gave me a new understanding as to why Angelo took such a deal. "Having my own station isn't a priority anymore," I told him after a few moments of thought.

"Your demotion isn't just going to affect your future promotions Charlie, it means that you're going to have to deal with the reversal of the power structure within the station, especially since Watson will be Acting Snr Sergeant until Emerson's replacement can be assigned."

"I have the utmost respect for Georgie and I would have no problem following the orders of any superior officer." I just hoped my old friend could find a way to work with me if I did do this, especially as she had been the toughest on Angelo on his return and never really warmed to him, whereas I had been her friend and mentor, which made my lies and betrayal just as bad.

"That's good to hear," he said. "Now, you have a decision to make Charlie, one I can't wait long for." Joyce watched me closely while he asked, "Do you walk away or do you take the deal?"

Coming here had been the first step in taking responsibility for my actions and accepting the deal would give me a way to do that, but now it suddenly felt like such a huge step to take. "Walking away would mean that I would have to stay as Kate, wouldn't it?"

Joyce nodded. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to return to your life as Kate Bellings, but you have to realise that this case is big news right now and it will only be a matter of time before your picture starts featuring in all the news reports and someone will recognise you, then it all comes out and you'll still be forced to face the consequences, only you won't have the deal to protect you from possible prosecution for your actions if it happens that way."

He was offering me a choice when there really didn't seem to be a choice at all, except by accepting his deal, the worst that could happen to me was a reprimand, whereas if I just walked away, I would be forced to live with my guilty conscience and risk facing much harsher penalties when it came back to bite me on the arse, which when I thought about it, was more than likely to happen; Brax had killed a cop and the journos were going to be looking for any angle to get a juicy article and at least if I took the deal, I'd be on the front foot and prepared.

"Charlie, accept the deal and I'll have it for you in writing within the next hour."

It wasn't just me I had to consider in all of this though and I told him so. "I can't make a decision like this without talking it over with Joey."

"I can give you some privacy to call her but I need an answer quickly, because I have someone arriving shortly who will want to talk to you if you're still here."

"Who?"

"The person who will be investigating you and who you will be working closely with if you take the deal," he said as he got to his feet. "I can allow you fifteen minutes Charlie, then the deal is off the table."

I was left alone with a myriad of thoughts running through my mind but I didn't have time to think of them just then. Picking up the phone, I dialled Joey. I couldn't help but smile the moment her voice came over the phone, along with the gurgling of Mathew. "How are my two favourite people?"

"Enjoying feeding the ducks but missing you," Joey replied. "How did it go?"

I explained everything to Joey as quickly as I could.

"I don't particularly like the way Joyce offered you a deal which you almost have to agree to," Joey said once I'd finished filling her in. "But it would be a relief to know that by taking the deal, we wouldn't have to worry about you going to jail or be looking over our shoulder all the time, just waiting for it all to catch up to us. Your family needs you Charlie and Joyce is giving you that chance."

"We would both have to lie some, especially about Mac and the witness protection and I had really wanted to avoid lying again."

"If it leads to finally putting an end to all of this, then I can put up with the lies and when it's all over, there's no reason why we can't tell the people who care about us the whole truth. They'll understand Charlie." She wasn't so sure Kym would be all that accommodating to Kate being the Bitch though.

"So I take the deal?"

"Going back to the Bay is going to be the hardest on you Charlie, so this is one decision I think you need to make for yourself and I'll support whatever decision you make, Charlie."

"Very subtle," I murmured at the amount of times she had called me Charlie while we were talking. I sighed heavily. "I'm tired and I'd like to go back to Victoria, because we did have a good life there, but that would kind of feel like I'd be running away again and it wouldn't really solve anything."

"Then you know what you should do."

* * *

Before Joyce came back, I tried the number Mac had given me and wasn't at all surprised to find it no longer in service. "Bastard," I murmured just as Joyce walked in.

"Well?" he said, getting straight to the point.

"I'll take the deal."

"Good." He smiled at me. "You're going home Charlie."

It was funny, only yesterday I was asking Joey if she was coming home with me, as in to the Bay, yet the longer I was away, the more I realised that home was back in Victoria. I had come to love that little town and the friends I'd made there and so maybe one day, we could go back.

"But first, there's someone I need you to meet."

My investigator, I thought and my eyes widened in surprise when Joyce opened the door and I saw who was standing there.

"You!" I and the new arrival said at the same time.


	31. Chapter 31

I stared at Grace and she stared back, both of us in shock to have come face-to-face like this. I knew she had accepted a temporary posting, but I had assumed it was somewhere in Victoria, yet that obviously wasn't the case and now, realising she was to be my investigator, I wasn't so sure if I'd made the right decision in accepting the deal or not.

Joyce's head moved from side to side as he watched the two of us stare silently at each other. "I'm guessing that you two know each other?"

Grace took in the name on my visitor's badge as if to double check it, then looked back at my face and shook her head. "I'm not sure I know her at all," she murmured, before she gave her full attention to Joyce. "Totally by chance it seems, but I happened to meet Kate, or should I say," she made a point of staring at my badge again. "Charlie, in my home town some time ago and we shared some mutual friends."

"Why am I sensing that there is more going on here between you than just surprise at seeing each other again?" Joyce said.

"For a time, I dated Joey," Grace admitted to him.

"As in," he glanced my way. "Charlie's girlfriend?"

"Yes, but my relationship with Joey is well in the past."

"Then I expect the both of you to leave any personal issues aside, because you're going to be working together."

"I have no problem with that," Grace said and she sent me a challenging glare.

"I have no problem either," I said, while my insides were quietly churning at this latest turn of events. Joey thought a lot of Grace and so I hoped she was the sort of police officer who didn't let personal feelings influence her, in other words, I was hoping she was nothing like me. Oh how things had changed, I thought with some humour; I'd felt a slight inferiority complex when Joey used to speak so highly of Grace, yet here I was hoping that she was better than me.

"Good, now we have a lot to get through," Joyce stated, "So let's make a start."

"Yes sir," replied Grace and she took the seat next to me.

"Well, since you're no doubt aware that Grace is a Sergeant with the Victorian Police Force, you're probably wondering why she's involved in our investigation?" he said to me and I nodded. "Grace is on loan to us, because at the time, we weren't sure how far the corruption in the Drugs Squad went and so when we started hearing murmurings about McWilliams having someone on the inside at the Yabbie Creek station and was planning to make a move on the gangs in the area, we decided to send in someone from the outside who we knew we could trust to keep an eye on things and so for the past few weeks, Grace has been posing as a Snr Constable at Yabbie Creek and has quietly been conducting an investigation into every officer there," Joyce explained to me. "Only myself, Emerson, Watson and three officers with the Police Integrity Commission were aware of her real rank and purpose at the station."

"You're undercover?" I said with some surprise to Grace. Joyce had mentioned earlier that McWilliams was under surveillance, I just never considered an officer on the inside as well.

"Yes," she replied. "My new position in Melbourne was still some months away from starting, so when my boss Tom called to say our colleagues up North needed someone to help out, I accepted." And it meant she didn't have to stick around and watch Joey playing happy families with another woman, she added silently. She was happy for Joey but that didn't make it any easier to see her with Ka, Charlie, especially when she had realised early on that Janice had held little spark for her and so when she got the call, she thought the opportunity offered a good distraction and so she broke it off with Janice and left. Now, she just wanted to roll her eyes at how things had turned out, because it appeared as if Joey was about to come back into her life and just when she had started seeing someone. She wasn't sure where things would go with this relationship either, but she could have done without the drama and complications Charlie and Joey's return could create.

"Grace has been doing a great job so far of working through the officers there," Joyce added.

"I only wish I was at the station when McWilliams waltzed right in and nicked the drugs and money, then it might have all been over."

"Grace, other officers were responsible for the surveillance on McWilliams and you were otherwise occupied with interviews over the shootings when he made his move."

"What about the mole?" I asked. "David said that person was still unknown."

"I know who it's not as I've been able to discount more than half the officers, others I'm close to clearing and I think I'm getting closer to identifying him," she replied. "Right now, my main focus is on three officers who have had recent financial problems. As we know, officers in desperate need of money can make a good target for outside influences."

"Am I allowed to know which three?" I wasn't offended by the way Grace looked to Joyce before she answered. This was an undercover operation and even if I hadn't given them plenty of reasons to mistrust me, I may still not have been told. At Joyce's nod though, Grace named them.

"Constables Hogan, Avery and Stevenson," Grace told us. "Hogan has medical bills piling up because his mum is sick, Avery lost money in a bad investment and is in danger of losing his house, while Stevenson likes to spend more money than he has and is racking up debts." Her eyes bored into me. "You know these people, which do you think is the most likely to take money?"

"Hogan is one of the most honest coppers I've ever met and it's hard to see him risking jail or dismissal when his mother needs him so much."

"And the others?"

"Well I suppose if Avery was desperate enough, then anything is possible, though I doubt it and as for Stevenson, he was fairly new when I left, so I never really got a chance to form much of an opinion on him and so I can't speak for him."

"I'm inclined to agree with you about Hogan, but until he's cleared, he remains a suspect as do the others," Grace said and turned her attention back to Joyce. "I should be heading back soon."

Joyce nodded. "I think we're all aware of the need to keep what was discussed in this room between the three of us."

"Yes sir," we both replied.

"Though I will need to fill Watson in," added Grace.

"Of course," Joyce said and then he looked at me. "Charlie, you're going to be partnered up with Grace when you start back at the station and while you're working together, she'll be running the investigation into your conduct with Braxton on the side."

"And as part of that investigation, I may wish to talk to Joey and question her on what you may have told her since you got back together."

I nodded, but I felt sick. I had agreed to the investigation and it had been an unrealistic hope to keep Joey out of it, but having her ex-lover being involved made it more uncomfortable than I wished.

"You're also going to have to keep your nose clean and be extremely careful of who you associate with in the future," Joyce said to me.

"I never want to become the woman I was back then again, but as much as I want the Braxtons out of my life, I'm not sure if that will be possible."

"Because of your son?" queried Grace.

I nodded. "I don't want Mathew anywhere near them and I'm going to try my best to keep them away, but I just don't know how or what they will do."

"Heath Braxton is out on bail, but there are strict conditions and the slightest infraction will see him back inside," Joyce said.

"I hope it's enough to deter him, but he's not exactly the brightest of people."

"Speak to a lawyer, see what your options are about keeping them away."

"I'll contact Morag." God, I suddenly wondered how she would take my resurrection.

"Charlie, I realise that running into the Braxtons who are still in the Bay is most likely unavoidable, especially in a small town, but you will need to be completely upfront and honest about any dealings you may have with them, however trivial it may seem and keep Grace informed about any encounter."

"I know my being involved in this makes things a little awkward for you," Grace said when she caught the less than enthusiastic glance I sent her way. "And if I'm honest, it's a little awkward for me as well, but we both want the same things and that is to get McWilliams and the mole and clean up this mess." She held her hand out to me. "So welcome to the team."

After a moment of hesitation, I took her hand and shook it.

"Now," said Joyce. "Emerson's replacement will take some time to find and with Watson temporarily sidelined, Grace will be in charge of the station."

"Actually sir, Watson plans on being back at work tomorrow," Grace told him. "Limited purely to desk work until her injury heals fully of course."

Joyce sighed. "She should be on sick leave."

"Yeah, I know, but I wasn't game enough to tell her to stay at home and rest and doing her job, even from her desk, may help with her recovery more than sitting at home worrying about what the mole could get up to would," Grace said. "And she has promised to take it easy and share the running of the station with me." She glanced my way. "Besides, with Charlie's return from the dead and Emerson's death, I think it would be best to have a more familiar and trusted person in charge and Watson is that person."

"Fine," Joyce agreed after a moment of thought. "Just make sure she doesn't push herself too hard."

"I will."

"So, are there any questions before we move on?" Joyce asked.

"Plenty, but I'd settle for knowing how Mac knew so much about Brax and me," I said. "He did imply that he had a spy inside the River Boys, but that was the one thing that never sat right with me, yet he definitely knew things about me that I hadn't told anyone else."

"Well, I think I may have an explanation for that, though you may not like it," he replied. "McWilliams was running his own surveillance, illegal of course and we suspect, with the use of stolen equipment," Joyce informed me. "During a previous drug investigation McWilliams was in charge of, surveillance equipment, including a parabolic microphone, went missing. Now, a junior constable got the blame for it at the time, but we're pretty certain now that McWilliams or one of his two cronies took it and that's how he was keeping track of Braxton and through him, you."

"He was spying and listening in," I murmured, feeling totally violated and I flushed at some of the things he may have heard, like the few intimate moments I had managed to have with Brax. "Mac must have been planning this for a long time."

"One thing this organisation he worked for has, is patience. It doesn't matter if it takes weeks or months, they're willing to sit back, watch their target and learn everything they can while waiting for that right moment to strike, only this time, McWilliams' solo play was in need of a few alterations because of our gatecrashing his party."

For a moment, I wondered if there was actually a mole feeding him information and it wasn't just Mac listening in like he did with Brax and me, but then I remembered someone inside the station had slipped him a key to the evidence room, plus, there were too many things at the station that would interfere with surveillance equipment. Another thought occurred to me, "I assume Mac still has the equipment?"

"Yes, but I wouldn't worry too much about it," Joyce said. "He would need to be within line of sight and quite close for the microphone to ever be able to pick up any conversation and the one thing we are certain of with McWilliams, is that he is nowhere near Summer Bay to be able to listen in."

"I'd really like to have a word with that man if I ever get my hands on him," I muttered, though I did feel some relief at knowing he wasn't going to be out there, listening in again.

"We'd all like a word with McWilliams and hopefully soon, we'll get that chance," Joyce said. "I think that's all for the moment, but if you have any doubts or further questions Charlie, please call me or speak to Grace."

I nodded.

"Oh, and before you leave Charlie, I'll need you to make that statement."

"And I'll need the deal you offered me in writing, signed and witnessed, before I write that statement," I said back to him. "I'm sorry David, but after Mac, I need to be absolutely certain this is all above board."

"Completely understandable. Charlie, I know this isn't going to be easy for you, but you are doing the right thing."

"I know I am."

"Then let's get this done."

* * *

I had read every word of every section of the deal just to make sure there were no hidden loopholes or such, before I signed it and then I spent the next few hours writing down my formal statement. Knowing this was all going to take some time, I had called Joey earlier and talked her into going back to the hotel room with Mathew, so when I finally did walk out of HQ, I was all alone and feeling exhausted. Except I wasn't alone, I realised as I heard footsteps behind me.


	32. Chapter 32

I turned around to find that Grace had followed me outside and I let out an internal sigh as I waited for her to say what she couldn't say to me inside.

She didn't disappoint. "I always knew there was something about you when we first met and now I know why." She stood close to me, almost nose to nose. "Joey was a mess because of what you did to her and I can't believe that she got back with you after what you did."

"I can't believe that myself at times," I admitted. "And I know my actions hurt Joey terribly and I hate myself for being a coward back then, not to mention weak, but I'm not that person anymore," I assured her. "And you saw for yourself that I had no problem with expressing my love for Joey in public and how committed I am to her and I'd die before I'd ever hurt Joey again."

"Haven't you already done that?"

It took a moment for her levity to sink in and I smiled wryly. "Yeah, I guess have already done the dying thing, but I promise you Grace, I love Joey and I'm the happiest I've ever been, so I will do whatever I have to, to protect that."

"You had just better not hurt her again, because if you do, there won't be anywhere you can hide from me and what's more, I'll tell Kym who you are and set her loose on you."

"Now, that is scary," I joked, before turning serious again. "I really have learnt from the terrible mistakes of my past."

"I should hope so, but I'd still like to know how the hell a good cop could end up fucking a drug dealing scumbag like Braxton in the first place."

"Because I let my sex drive overrule my head and ignored all the warning signs and whatever doubts I had about Brax, because I didn't want to see the truth, both about him and about my own failings," I said to her and my immediate reply seemed to make her pause for thought. "I fucked up and now I have a lot of things to make up for and I intend to do just that, especially with those I betrayed at the station."

"Watson may not take too kindly to your return," Grace told me. "She was devastated by your death, but your relationship with Braxton and what she's learnt since you left has coloured her view of you," she explained. "And let's just say that her opinion of you has taken an even bigger nose dive since she was on the receiving end of your boyfriend's bullet and witnessed Emerson being gunned down."

I was disappointed to hear about Watson's opinion of me, but I also understood it. "She has every reason to be angry at me."

"I'm not sure if it's anger at your actions and lies or more disappointment and hurt, but she's pissed at you nonetheless."

"Other than being pissed at me, how is she doing?"

"Actually, since the shooting, it's not just you she's pissed and irritable with, but pretty much anyone around her and she's absolutely hating having to slow down because of her injury," she said. "But you know what, despite her current sentiment toward you, I think deep down, she's going to be relieved to see you alive and well, though since I am going to have to fill her in on everything that was discussed today, I expect her irritability to go up another notch or two and you're going to be walking right into it."

"If yelling at me and calling me names will make her feel better, I will let her do just that."

"Don't temp her, she might just take you up on the offer."

I sighed sadly at the damage I had done to my friendship with Watson. "I'm just glad she's done so well since I last saw her, especially with her promotion."

"There have been a few moments where her inexperience has shown, but overall, I think she's going to end up a fine Sergeant."

"That's good."

A silence fell between us for a minute or so, before Grace spoke up. "You know, when David called and asked me to come to his office because there had been a development in the case, Charlie Buckton really was the last person I expected to find and I can honestly say that nothing could ever have prepared me to finding out that Joey's past love is also her current love, Kate Bellings," she said and regarded me intently. "And I have to say, you and Joey were very convincing with your lies back home, especially staying in character when Kym got on a role with her lambasting the Bitch," she said with a wry smile. "It's probably a good thing you've had the practice though, since you're both going to have to keep some of the deception going."

"Parts of me wish I didn't have to, but I know I can't be totally up front and honest with everyone until it's all over."

Grace looked around our surroundings.

"Joey's with Mathew back at the hotel," I told her when I guessed whom she was searching for.

She smiled wryly at my rather curt response. "Why don't we clear this up now?" she said.

"I'm listening."

"You turning out to be Charlie really was the last thing I expected, same with the prospect of being in the same town as Joey again," Grace said. "And I have to admit to having conflicted feelings about all of this, especially since I've never been Charlie Buckton's biggest fan, but I'm willing to set all of that aside and keep things professional between us, if you can do the same."

"I can, provided you remember that Joey is with me."

She chuckled quietly at that. "Don't worry, I'm well aware Joey's heart belongs to another and I'd just be wasting my time even trying, but Joey is my friend and I don't want to lose that friendship by letting the past intrude on the now, so you and I are going to have to find a way to deal with each other now that the dynamic has changed between us and everything is in the open," she said.

"I'm sure we can find our way through it," I told her.

Grace looked at her watch. "It's getting late and you've been away from Joey and your son long enough, so can I offer you a lift to the hotel before I head back to Summer Bay?"

"That would actually be great," I said.

"There are a few other things we should talk about on the way."

* * *

"I still can't believe Grace is going to be in the Bay," Joey murmured when I had finally joined her back at the hotel and started to fill her in on the meeting I'd just come from.

"I can't go into all the details just yet, but you need to remember that in Summer Bay, Grace is only a Snr Constable and she moved to NSW from Victoria because she was looking for a change after feeling stagnated at her last posting."

"Are we meant to know her or pretend she's a complete stranger?"

"Grace and I talked that over on the way here," I said and shifted Mathew into a more comfortable position as he nursed at my breast. "At first, we thought about acting like none of us knew each other, but that just adds more risk to things and would mean that we would have to be extremely careful about what we said and how we acted toward each other, especially you and Grace, so we decided that the best thing would be for you to maintain your past with Grace, with one slight change," I said to her. "You and Grace haven't seen each other since you broke up when she went overseas over a year ago."

"So in other words, I know Grace, but you have never met her?"

"Exactly. Grace and I don't really know each other all that well anyway, but having my girlfriend's ex in the picture will help to explain any tension that may exist between us, especially since I'll already be dealing with my demotion, being her junior officer and other things."

Joey came and sat by my side, resting her head on my shoulder as she watched Mathew feeding. "You're still worried about going back, aren't you?"

"Yes," I admitted softly. "I'm going to have to earn back the trust of everyone and from what Grace has said, Georgie's not much of a fan of mine these days and once Grace fills her in on what I said in my statement, she'll probably be even less of a fan."

"Her respect means a lot to you, doesn't it?"

I nodded. "She wasn't just a colleague, she was a friend and she supported me, even when I was lying to her and I still feel bad about making her feel guilty for calling in Joyce over my handling of the armed robbery case when she was completely in the right to do so," I told Joey. "And then there's Grace. She was nice enough to me when I was Kate, but now she knows the truth." I shrugged a little uncertainly, "She said she can keep things professional, but that might be easier said than done."

"I know you don't know Grace that well, but I do and she is great at keeping her professional and personal lives separate."

"Unlike me," I murmured. "I let my personal life run my professional life with drastic consequences where Brax was concerned."

"Yet, if you had been completely professional at all times with me, then we may never have gotten together in the first place," Joey pointed out to me and I looked at her curiously. She grinned at me, "By rights, nothing should have happened between us until after Robbo's trial and so who knows what could have happened for us in that time if you'd kept things strictly professional."

"True, but still, I think it best that from now on, I keep my personal and professional lives separate, as I should."

"Now that I have you, that sounds like a very good idea." Joey gently stroked Mathew's cheek. "He's a hungry little bugger," she murmured affectionately. "He wasted little time polishing off the milk you left for him in the fridge earlier and now he's onto seconds."

"His appetite obviously comes from you."

Joey chuckled before turning serious again. "So I guess tomorrow, we're heading home."

"First, I need to see Morag and ask her what I can do to protect Mathew and then it's back to the Bay to face my daughter and everyone else."

"I know you're nervous about facing her, but you needn't be, because Ruby is just going to be so happy to see you very much alive and well."

Joey's certainty brought a brief smile to my face. "I just hope she doesn't think that I abandoned her again."

"You were taken while you were unconscious and put into witness protection without your consent," Joey said to me.

"Except it wasn't official."

"You didn't know that at the time and when we are finally able to tell Ruby the whole truth, she's not going to hold it against you, not after you explain what Mac did."

"Yeah, I suppose so," I murmured. "I just hate lying and not being able to even tell you everything."

"Charlie, I know I've made a big deal in the past about you lying or keeping things from me, but this is work and I understand there will be times when you can't discuss everything with me." She kissed my cheek. "I trust you Charlie," and those four words meant so much to me.

A soft gurgling distracted me from my reply and I gazed down at my beautiful little boy as he continued to suck. "You're going to meet your big sister tomorrow," I whispered to him, before turning my attention back to Joey. "I don't think I'd be able to do any of this without you by my side."

"I'm going to be there with you every step of the way." She squeezed my arm reassuringly. "Why don't you finish feeding Mathew and I'll go run you a bath."

"Oh, I'd love that."

"Then we can snuggle up in bed and watch crappy late night movies."

"I'd love that too," I said, before adding, "I love you."

"Might even order in some room service of chocolate, chocolate and chocolate."

"I love you even more."

Grinning, Joey pressed her lips to mine. "I love you too baby." At Mathew's gurgling, Joey looked down at him. "And I love you too my gorgeous little man."

"Look at the way he smiles at the sound of your voice," I murmured happily.

"I think that's more about enjoying his meal, than anything."

"Yep, definitely takes after you then."

"I'm kind of jealous of him in a way."

"Why?"

"Because those are my breasts he's sucking on and I hate having to share them with anyone."

"Joey!" I blurted out and I could feel my face flaming as my laughing girlfriend got to her feet.

"I'll run that bath now."

I watched her walk toward the bathroom with a shake of my head. "I think we're both lucky to have Mama Joey in our lives," I whispered to my son and I could swear he smiled at Joey's name.


	33. Chapter 33

I watched the scenery pass by as Joey drove us toward Summer Bay in our rented car. The day had started off with a quiet breakfast in the hotel room before we headed over to Morag's place. I smiled a little as I recalled the shocked look on Morag's face when I not only turned up alive and well on her doorstep, but with a baby and girlfriend in tow. I had to hand it to my stepmother though, she recovered quickly and after spending some time to catch up on my life and Ruby's since that fateful day, it was down to business - keeping the Braxtons away from my son.

With Heath on bail and facing serious charges, along with his previous criminal record, Morag had assured me that taking out a restraining order against him would be a mere formality, same with Casey and his record. Unfortunately, I wasn't all that confident that a bit of paper would keep either of them away, though as Morag pointed out, in Heath's case, he would be risking going back to jail if he breached his bail conditions and because I was now a witness for the prosecution, he could end up facing additional charges of trying to pervert the course of justice by approaching any witness like me. Still, I wouldn't put it past him to try something as he had a bad habit of acting without thought.

At least when we did get back to the Bay, I wouldn't have to deal with Brax directly since he was sitting in a nice cell well away from me, but as Mathew's father, he had rights and so I had to prepare myself for any attempt he would make to wanting a say in Mathew's future. Morag had promised me that she'd fight any attempts he might make toward visitations rights, but she also warned me that despite our best arguments, a judge might still grant Brax access to my son.

"You thinking of what Morag said earlier?" Joey asked me as she concentrated on the road.

I couldn't help but smile at the ease she read me these days, even without looking my way. "Yeah," I replied. "Family is everything to Brax, so the second he finds out about Mathew, he's never going to give up."

"He's in jail Charlie and unlikely to be out for a very long time," Joey said. "But even if a judge grants him access to Mathew, all he'd probably get is a half hour supervised visit once a month and that's only if a convicted drug dealing cop killer can convince a judge he is deserving of such rights. Besides, none of this is going to happen till after the trial is over and even then, Morag seems very capable of delaying things until Mathew is old enough to understand the situation for himself and have his own say."

"I guess it was kind of silly to believe I could cut Brax out of Mathew's life entirely," I said, "Because even if we had kept him a secret from Brax by never coming back to the Bay, there is always the chance that Mathew will want to know about his father when he's older and as I'd rather not lie to him about anything, not even about where he came from, then I'd have to tell him the truth about who his father is."

"Curiosity about one's parents is only natural, but there is no guarantee that Mathew will want anything to do with his father or any of the Braxtons once he finds out what they're like."

"Maybe you're right, but I think we both need to prepare for a fight here."

Keeping her eyes on the road, Joey reached over and squeezed my hand. "Mathew may be Brax's son by blood, but he's the son of my heart and I love him as my own, so I'm going to be right there fighting with you."

"I am so glad we found our way back to each other Joey."

"Same here," Joey said and gave my hand another squeeze. "Charlie."

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking about you and Brax."

"Please don't as even I don't like to think of us in any way in the same thought."

Joey flashed a brief smile my way before turning her attention back to the road. "Believe me, I don't want to think about it either, but as you've learnt for yourself, sometimes to move on, it's necessary to face your past and so," she paused. "There may come a time where you will need to confront Brax in person for you to be able to truly move on."

I sighed heavily, knowing she was right. "Hopefully if that time comes, it will be in court where I can look him in the eye as I reveal how ashamed I am of my actions with him and how I've moved on, because I'm not sure I'd be able to face him in any other way."

"You're so much stronger than you think you are Charlie and you've come such a long way since you were shot, even before I came back onto the scene."

"Sometimes I think you have more belief in me than I have in myself."

"Pretty sure I said things along those same lines when Caz and Kym were showing so much belief in me when I had been filled with such doubt."

"It gets easier though, right?"

"Oh hell no," she said and grinned at me. "Seriously though, it's all about taking steps and finding that belief within yourself," she explained to me. "And I'm the first to admit that it takes time, but then, there will come a day when you realise that while you may still have some doubts, the belief you now have outweighs them." She shrugged, "I think it's common for everyone to have doubts at some time or another and it's how you deal with those doubts and overcome them that will guide the path you take."

I stared at her. "I think my admiration for the woman you've become just grew a little more," I told her and I smiled at the adorable blush she had from the compliment. "And if I can be half the woman you've become, I'd be happy."

"You're already a wonderful woman Charlie and I'm proud to be by your side."

Now it was my turn to blush at the compliment and a happy contentment settled over us as we continued our journey back to the Bay.

* * *

An hour later, we pulled into Leah's driveway and my nervousness had returned. The time was imminent and I let out the breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding as I stared at my old home.

"You ready?" Joey asked me gently.

"No," I replied honestly. "But I have to do this."

Joey nodded and leant over, kissing me softly. "It's going to be ok," she assured me. I nodded and got out of the car while Joey went to the back and unstrapped Mathew from the baby carriage. She handed him over to me and I kissed his head, drawing comfort from his warm little body.

We walked past Leah's car as we made our way to the backdoor. Joey had called ahead to tell Leah she was returning to the Bay for a short time and asked Leah if she could meet her at the house so they could catch up. When Leah had offered to call Ruby at the library where she was writing an essay for uni, Joey had said not to disturb her while she was studying and she'd just catch up with Ruby later. As desperately as I wanted to see my daughter again, Joey and I had decided that it would be best to see Leah first so that she could help prepare Ruby for my return, though I'm not exactly sure how you would prepare someone for that, but we did think it best that we not just turn up on the doorstep and spring it on Ruby like that. I had a feeling Leah was going to be in for a big enough surprise as it was.

I held back to the side where Leah wouldn't see me as Joey knocked on the door.

"Well howdy stranger," Leah said, smiling hugely as she enveloped Joey in a bear hug. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too," and she hugged Leah back just as tightly.

Leah finally broke the hug and held Joey at arm's length so she could take a good look at her. "You're looking amazing Joey and I am so glad you finally stopped by for a visit."

"Yeah, I know I probably should have come back a long time ago, but," she shrugged. "I just wasn't ready to return until now."

"Well I can understand that, especially when the Bay hasn't always held fond memories for you, but I am so pleased you changed your mind and came back," Leah said. "It really is so good to see you again."

"I'm really happy to see you too," Joey said and she suddenly felt nervous, which Leah picked up on.

"Hey, I'm not the only one who missed you," she said. "VJ's never found another card playing partner like you and I know Ruby is going to be stoked to see you again."

Joey took a deep breath. "There's someone else she might be stoked to see," she said and stepped aside as I came forward.

"Hi Leah."

Leah's mouth dropped open and her eyes widened in disbelief. "Oh my fucking god!"

"Leah!" I said in shocked surprise, as I'd never heard her swear before.

"Well shit, what did you expect me to say when you rise from the grave and turn up on my doorstep like this?"

I smiled a little hesitantly. "Are you happy to see me?"


	34. Chapter 34

_Things are a little hectic at the moment, so updating may be a bit sporadic for the next week or so.  
Hope you enjoy the chapter._

* * *

_I smiled a little hesitantly. "Are you happy to see me?"_

"That depends," Leah said and my heart beat frantically in my chest as I waited for her to go on. "Am I actually seeing you or am I just dreaming all of this?" she asked.

"She's very much real," Joey said and put her arm around my waist. "Our Charlie's alive, Leah."

It still didn't seem like Leah believed what she was seeing and when she finally noticed the little bundle in my arms, her eyes widened even further. "That's a, that's a, oh my," she stammered.

"This is Mathew, our son," I told Leah and her response was a murmur about needing to sit down and Joey rushed forward to draw out the seat for her before she missed it.

Leah sat at the kitchen table, looking at me, at Mathew, at Joey and then back to me. "What the hell is going on?"

"It's a long story which we can't tell you all of just now," Joey said as we both took a seat at the table.

"But the short story is, my death was faked after I was shot and I was placed in witness protection," I told Leah, leaving out the rest about Mac faking my fake death for his own purposes.

"Poor Ruby, she went through hell when you died," Leah said with a hint of accusation in her tone. "We all did."

Joey squeezed my hand when she felt me tense by her side. "If I had been conscious at the time, I never would have agreed to the witness protection, but I had no say in the matter," I said to her.

Leah nodded slightly. "I understand the reasoning behind faking someone's death to protect them, but it does little to lessen the blow that death caused."

"I know and I hate that you, Ruby and everyone else were put through that." Even more so because it was so unnecessary I added silently. "And you don't know how often I wanted to come home and take care of my little girl."

"Well, I'm just sorry I wasn't there for Ruby after you died," Leah said and frowned, finding it weird to be talking about her friend's death when Charlie was sitting right there opposite her. "Well, you know what I mean."

"Yeah, we do," Joey said with a wry smile. "Running into my dead ex-girlfriend completely out of the blue like I did, kind of took some getting used to."

"I'm having the same problem," Leah muttered.

"I know it's a shock," I said. "And it's part of why we wanted to talk to you first, instead of just springing my resurrection on Ruby."

"Oh, so you thought you'd shock me instead," Leah said, then smiled, "Not that I don't mind being shocked, because it's a wonderful shock, one I'm still not sure if I quite believe."

"I'm very real Leah."

Leah got up and came around to my side and hugged me, as if to make sure.

"Anyway, I'm sorry I dropped the ball where Ruby was concerned," Leah said as she retook her seat.

"I wasn't always there for Ruby, even when I was here," I said. "So I'm just grateful you did end up being there for her." I paused and took a deep breath, "How is she?"

"Putting a lot of effort into her studies, I think in part to take her mind off her loss, but she has started to move on," Leah said and her voice trailed off as she thought of how the woman now before her was going to change all of that. "She is going to be so excited to see you," she said. "Once she gets over the shock, that is."

"I hope so," I said a bit nervously.

"Charlie, I'm sure Ruby is going to have a lot of questions for you," her eyes dropped to the baby in my arms. "Some rather big questions, but having her mother back is going to be the best surprise she's ever likely to get and she is just going to be so happy to have you back in her life." I nodded at her words. "Now, how exactly do you want to do this with Ruby?" Leah asked and I shrugged.

"I have no idea."

"We'll figure something out," Joey murmured to me and kissed my cheek.

"Obviously Ruby won't be the only one with questions," Leah said with a raised brow. "I take it then that you two are together, together?"

"Yes," I said, gazing at Joey in a way that had Leah rolling her eyes.

"How did you two ever find each other again?" she asked.

"By chance, fate, whatever you want to call it," I said as Joey went on to tell Leah how we ran into each other in a small town we'd both ended up moving to and came to be a couple once more.

"Wow," Leah murmured when Joey had finished. "Really, what are the chances you just happened to be in the same small town in another State at the right time to meet like that?"

"Very small," Joey said.

"Which is why it must have been meant to be for us to find each other like that," I added. "I've been given a second chance, not just with getting my life right this time, but with Joey by my side and I couldn't be more grateful to whatever fates have made that possible." I smiled wryly, "I just wish it hadn't taken a couple of bullets for me to realise just how off track my life had become. I came to the Bay to make a difference, but all I seemed to have done is make one bad choice after another and hurt people I cared about." I glanced Joey's way, "And I'm through with that. I'm not sure if I'll ever earn back the respect of the people here, but I'm going to try damn hard to prove that I'm a changed person."

"One look at the two of you together and I'm already getting an idea of how much you have changed," Leah noted. Even in the short time the couple had been here, Leah had already noticed how Charlie seemed so relaxed and comfortable showing her affections toward Joey, as if she didn't care who could see them together.

"Joey's given me a second chance and this time, I don't care what anyone says or thinks, because she makes me happy and she's a wonderful parent to our son and I'm not going to do anything to risk destroying the family we have, as I might have once done in the past."

Leah looked between the two of us and I could see her mind trying to work out something. "You were listening in to my calls with Joey?" Leah said suddenly and I nodded. "Humph," she murmured. "It's weird, but I always thought there was more to those calls, especially with the way Joey had just called out of the blue like that."

"I needed to know about my daughter," I said. "And Joey was wonderful enough to do that for me."

"And I'm glad I did," Joey said. "Because it helped ease Charlie's worries a little and I really did enjoy our talks Leah."

"I did too," Leah said. "So, is this just a visit or are you moving back here?" she said the latter with a touch of hope in her voice.

"We're moving back," I said, though I'm not sure for how long, I added silently. The longer we were away from our home in Victoria, the more I missed it, but it was early days being back here and depending on how my return went, we could very well end up here permanently.

"I'd love to offer you your old room, but I've kind of rented it out to someone else," Leah said with a sheepish look.

"Leah, I could hardly expect you to leave the room vacant when you believed me dead," I told her. "Besides, now that I have Joey and Mathew with me, we're going to need somewhere a bit bigger and hopefully, Ruby will want to join us."

"I'm sure she will," Leah assured me. "Where do things stand with your job though, because didn't you resign?"

I'd been practicing my answer for this, as Leah was likely to be the first of many to wonder about it. "Yeah, but I want to make amends for my mistakes and after my meeting with Insp. Joyce yesterday, he agreed to let me have my job back, though it comes with a demotion in rank to Constable, because of my involvement with Brax and the need to prove I can be trusted again."

"Isn't it going to be weird to not only not be in charge anymore, but to have Georgie as your superior and if my understanding is right, you won't even be second in command, as that would now be Snr Const. Grace Wilde?"

"After the mess I made of things, I deserve the demotion and in truth, I'm just happy that Joyce has enough belief in me to have given me the opportunity to prove myself again, instead of just sacking me," I said. "And as for Georgie now being my superior, I have the utmost respect for her, so I'm sure I'll be fine with the change in our positions, Grace though, offers an interesting challenge."

"That almost sounds like you know her."

"I've never met her," I lied and hated doing it, despite it being necessary.

"But I have," Joey said. "Grace and I used to date, though we haven't seen each other in over a year, but still, you can imagine my surprise and shock, when Charlie came back from her meeting with Insp. Joyce and told me the name of the officer who was going to be in charge of the station with Acting Snr Sgt Watson." Like Charlie, Joey hated the lies and half-truths they were forced to tell, but she would do anything to help and protect her girlfriend.

"And you can imagine my surprise and shock when Joey told me who Grace was," I added.

"I don't doubt that," Leah murmured, then smiled when Mathew gurgled in my arms. "I take it then, that Joey hasn't been hiding something from us and so the baby is Brax's?"

"As far as I'm concerned, Joey is Mathew's other parent, but yeah, Brax is the father."

"Does he know?"

"No and I'm in no rush to tell him, but I'm sure once word gets out that I'm back and with a baby in tow, then it won't be long until word reaches Brax."

"What are you going to do?"

"As the father he has rights, but we're not going to make it easy for him to enforce those rights," I told her. "We even stopped by to see Morag while we were in the city, both to let her know that I was alive and to discuss my options where the Braxtons and my son were concerned."

"That whole family is pretty much persona no grata these days, even Casey," Leah said and she had a faint blush to her cheeks. She still felt bad about the crush she'd had on Brax, but was pleased that was long gone and also that Natalie had ended things with him before this all blew up, because the last thing she'd want, was for her housemate to have been dragged into it all and through her, bringing more potential danger into her home. "Casey has always been such a staunch Brax supporter, that if he hears anyone even remotely being negative toward him, Casey goes off at them. Luckily, he's used words and not his fists, but the way he's going, he's going to keep on the Braxton path and never be able to get away from it."

I felt sorry for Casey. At heart, he was a good boy who never really stood a chance, because the brother he idolised and who claimed to want to save Casey from that life, was the last person to be teaching anyone anything and as I eventually saw for myself, while Brax talked a lot about changing their ways, his actions continually said something different, so under that kind of guidance, along with Brax's manipulative and bullying personality, it was no wonder Casey took the wrong path, just as Heath had done before him. My thoughts turned to another whose life had been turned upside down because she hadn't been able to stay away from the Braxtons. "How is Bianca taking Heath's involvement?"

"Badly," replied Leah. "She'd taken such a massive risk by putting her trust in Heath and it was only because they shared a child that she even gave him that chance, but after he proved he was still nothing more than a drug dealing thug, she regrets more than ever that she let Liam walk away or that she never even tried to go it alone as a single mother," she explained. "Of course, now she's stuck with Heath in her life through Rocco."

"I know how she feels," I muttered and I did feel for Bianca. Our friendship suffered because I couldn't see Brax for the real man he was and now, we were both in the same position, tied by the sons we adored, to men we'd rather not have anything more to do with.

"At least it's more than likely that Heath will be joining Brax in jail once he goes to trial and it will be some time before she has to see him again, though he'll likely have visitation rights to Rocco even while he's inside and I guess the same might still happen with Brax and Mathew."

"Morag is going to do her best for us to make it as hard as possible for Brax, but she did warn us that it might just be delaying the inevitable and I may end up having to take Mathew to see his father in jail." I kissed the top of Mathew's head. "Hopefully that will be a long time away if it does happen though."

Joey reached over and squeezed my hand. "We'll deal with that, if and when, we have to," she said and I smiled at her support and reassurance.

Leah glanced at the clock on the wall. "Ruby will be home shortly," she told us.

"I still don't know how we'll do this," I said.

"Maybe you should just do it the way you did with me," Leah said. "With Joey first, followed by you, because I honestly don't think there is a way to do this without shocking her in some way."

I looked at Joey and she shrugged. "She's right Charlie."

I nodded in agreement and felt my nerves renew themselves.

"Now, while we wait for Ruby to come home, can I cuddle that gorgeous baby of yours?" Leah asked.

"Of course," I said and stood to hand him over.

"I warn you Leah," Joey said. "He'll steal your heart."

"Too late," Leah murmured as she goo'd and ga'd at Mathew, who was smiling happily and lapping up every bit of the attention he was receiving.

* * *

The moment I heard my little blue car coming up the driveway, I retreated to my old room with Mathew and waited for my daughter to come inside. I spared a quick glance around me; it felt nothing like my room, which was probably because it was now the school counsellor's room and now reflected her personality.

My attention was drawn to the excited squeal now coming from the lounge room and I put my ear to the door. The voices were muffled but I could make out enough to know Ruby was very happy to see Joey again. My nerves were now replaced by impatience, as I wanted nothing more than to rush through the door and show my daughter I was alive, but I forced myself to wait.

Their voices grew louder as Joey came closer to the room where I was hiding.

"I didn't come home alone," I heard Joey say and she knocked on the door. "I brought someone very important home with me."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, before I swung the door open and my eyes met my daughter's, which were wide with wonder, shock and disbelief.

"What is this?" Ruby said, shaking her head as if to dispel the image she was seeing. "It can't be."

"But it is Ruby," Joey softly said to her. "Your mother is alive and back home where she belongs."

"Hello Ruby," I said in an emotionally choked voice.

"It's not possible," she whispered and her eyes nearly popped out of her head when her eyes found Mathew's, then travelled back up to mine, then down to Mathew's and then she was staring at me again. "Well fuck me dead," Ruby murmured and her eyes rolled backwards as her body quickly started to follow and she would have fallen to the floor in a boneless lump if Joey and Leah hadn't leapt forward to catch her.


	35. Chapter 35

Ruby's eyes opened and she found herself lying on the couch, surrounded by three faces watching on in concern; Joey, Leah and her mother. Her mother! "Oh fuck," she muttered and her eyes started to roll backwards again, but then she got distracted by Joey's sudden laughter.

All three sets of eyes turned to the laughing woman, who shrugged at them. "I'm sorry," Joey said between giggles, "I don't even know why I am laughing."

"Well, Ruby's reaction was kind of funny," Leah said, her own lips threatening to break out into a smile.

"Gee, thanks," muttered Ruby and she sat up. Her head felt a bit fuzzy and she swayed a little as she tried to get to her feet.

Joey took Mathew from me so I could help Ruby up. I was at a loss as to what to say to her and then Ruby threw herself into my arms and all I could do was hold her and let my tears of happiness and relief flow.

"I can't believe it's really you," she sobbed into my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry all of this happened." I felt her tense against me and then she pushed me away from her. It was a gentle push, but nonetheless, it stabbed through my heart, as did the sudden anger in her eyes.

"You left me Charlie," she accused me. "I grieved for you and every day it hurt like hell that you weren't there." The heartbreak and tears in her voice was another stab to my heart and I sensed Joey about to leap to my defence, but then she hesitated and stayed silent, because as hard as this was, I needed to do this part alone. "I did dumb things because I couldn't cope."

"I know and I am so sorry, Ruby," I said. "I never wanted to leave you behind, but it was taken out of my hands while I was unconscious." I wasn't sure if I was getting through to her or not, but I continued on regardless. "I kept track of your life as best I could and you don't know how many times I wanted to come home and take care of you."

"But you didn't," she stated angrily and I had to look away from her. Catching the warm eyes of my girlfriend, I drew encouragement from the love I saw staring back at me and I faced my daughter again. "Hang on, how did you keep track of me when you were living somewhere else?" she asked and catching the looks between Leah and us, she guessed. "The phone calls."

I nodded. "At first, Mac, the officer who placed me in witness protection," and the lying piece of shit who put my family and friends through hell for no other reason than his own selfish gain, I added to myself, "Gave me updates on what was happening here, but it was never enough."

"So I called Leah," Joey said.

"Did you know this whole time that Charlie was alive?" she accusingly asked Leah.

"I had no idea until she turned up on my doorstep today."

Ruby looked at the three of us and shook her head. "This is too much." She sat down again. "How the hell did this all happen?"

I sat down next to my daughter on the couch and explained everything to her or at least the bits I was allowed to talk about and she listened intently to every word. Ruby's expression changed with emotions throughout my tale, from sadness at the sense of loneliness I had felt, to surprise and then wonder, when I described how I met up with Joey, purely by chance and Mathew's arrival.

"You really had no idea you were pregnant when you got shot?" she asked when I'd finally come to the end of my recap.

"None whatsoever."

"Jesus Charlie, you really are clueless about the obvious at times," she said and the slight smile tugging her lips took away any sting I may have taken at her soft rebuke.

"Yeah, I know I'm not the best at seeing the truth or what is right in front of me, but," I said and looked at Joey, "This time, I opened my eyes and let myself see the future and that future is with Joey and my children."

At a signal from me, Joey brought Mathew over to us. "Ruby, you haven't officially met your little brother yet," Joey said and she chuckled at the look of outright panic on Ruby's face when she gently put Mathew into her arms. "Say hello to Mathew Ross."

Ruby sat there woodenly, terrified she'd drop him or break him in some way, but then he smiled at her and she completely melted and relaxed, "Oh god, he's so cute,"

"Well, he is a Buckton, after all," joked Joey and she leered at me, "And the Bucktons certainly have good genes." I blushed at the blatant appraisal Joey was given me and was glad Ruby couldn't see me as she was too busy gazing at her brother's face.

"My mum is back from the dead, her ex girlfriend is back from wherever the hell she's been and I now have a baby brother," murmured Ruby and she glared at us. "You two really do know how to make an entrance."

"Tell me about it," muttered Leah. She still felt like she was in a state of shock herself at the way the day had panned out.

"So you guys are really together?" Ruby said as if she didn't quite believe it.

"Yep," I said and held my hand out to Joey's. "We're a family now and incredibly happy about it."

"That makes me happy on two counts," Ruby said.

"Two?" Joey queried.

"The first being that I always thought you and Charlie were great together and she was a fool for throwing that away, so I'm happy you found your way back to each other."

"And the second?" I asked.

"That you and Brax are over for good."

"Definitely over and that still would have been the case even if Joey hadn't given me a second chance."

"I hate that I used to encourage you to keep giving Brax a chance," she told me. "I honestly thought he was a good person, but he's nothing but a selfish prick who only cares about Braxtons and he certainly didn't care about how his actions continually affected your life and your career, or he wouldn't have kept doing what he did." I was surprised at the venom in her voice when she spoke about him. "You ended up shot because he couldn't stay out of trouble."

"I'm not going to make any excuses for Brax, but I played my own part in that, by choosing to ignore every warning sign I had that he was trouble and getting involved with him."

"But you would never have been targeted by Jake in the first place, if Brax hadn't been a lying, drug dealing thug who pissed off the wrong people and couldn't back down from a fight because of his ego."

It was surprising to see how similar my daughter and I now both viewed Brax. "Well, Brax is in jail now, where he belongs," I said.

"And hopefully Heath will be joining him there soon."

"And Casey?" I asked gently, as I knew how important he had once been to my daughter.

"I tried to speak to him the other day and he just bit my head off and sent me away," she said with some sadness. "Sometimes he's ok, but he can't handle the truth where his hero, Brax is concerned and hassles anyone who dares call Brax a criminal and Heath isn't much better. I actually thought having a son was changing him for the better, but Brax's word as law is so ingrained into them, that when Brax clicked his fingers, Heath barely hesitated to help him out with his crimes and then he wondered why Bianca got pissed and dumped him, instead of being the good little Braxton follower, doing as Brax bids without question." She shook her head in disgust. "And now poor Bianca is constantly being hassled by Heath, who thinks that just because he and Rocco share DNA, it means he can turn up whenever he pleases and just demand access to his son." Ruby glanced down at Mathew. "Lucky for you Brax is in jail and that won't be a problem."

I sighed and shook my head. "While I don't have to worry about him turning up whenever he feels like it, I have a feeling Brax will be a constant thorn in our side," I said. "Morag's going to make it hard for him, but as much as I don't like it, he does have rights as Mathew's father, so there may be no way I can really keep Brax completely out of my life." I squeezed Joey's hand and she gently squeezed back. "I am incredibly lucky though, because I have a wonderful co-parent who is going to be by my side every step of the way."

"And there's no way I'm going to let that man dictate anything in our lives," Joey emphatically stated.

"You two certainly do seem happy together."

"We have been incredibly happy together," I said to her, "But as happy as we are, there was always something missing and that was you."

"What, so now you expect us to just play happy families as if nothing has happened?"

"Of course not," I said. "I have a lot of ground to make up with everyone and trust to earn back, especially yours."

"So what happens now, then?"

"Joey and I find a place to live and hopefully, when you're ready, you may want to move in with us," I said and Ruby murmured noncommittally to that.

"Are you going back to work?"

"Yeah. I've been demoted back to Constable, but I've accepted that and I'm just looking forward to the chance to prove myself and make amends."

"I've seen some of the officers around town and I think most will be ok with you coming back," Ruby said. "Georgie though, she is pretty cut up about everything that's happened and there are a few new ones who are there now."

"One of whom may provide some interesting moments," I murmured, before explaining to Ruby about Joey knowing Grace. God I hated the lies and I really hoped Ruby, Leah and everyone else would forgive us later when we were finally allowed to be more honest with them.

"No fucking way!" Ruby blurted out, before she remembered she was holding a baby and she murmured an apology for swearing in front of him and then looked at her mother. "Wow, so Joey's ex is going to be your colleague and superior to you."

"Hopefully only superior in rank," I quipped. "Seriously though, Grace and I talked when I met with Insp. Joyce and we think we can work together without too much trouble."

"I bet you wish it was one complication you didn't have to deal with though."

"I can't deny that."

"It really is great to have you back, Charlie," Ruby suddenly said and then she frowned. "Oh crap, does this mean I have to repay the money I've already spent from your life insurance?"

The question was so absurd and unexpected, I laughed and the others joined in, the tension finally broken. I probably would have to speak to Morag about the issue with the life insurance, but right now, that was the furthest thing from my mind as I put my arm around my daughter and we both marvelled at the latest addition to our family, as he lay bundled in her arms.


End file.
